Honesty is a two-way street ... especially in a marriage ... Please don't expect AA to fix your marriage ... ... ... the primary goal here is to fix you ... and please don;t let the problems with your wife become an excuse for you to return to drinking ... as it says in the 'Serenity Prayer', help me to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can ...' ... you need to concern yourself with you right now and not so much as to what your wife is doing that is wrong ... consider what can happen to your 11y/o if you go back to drinkin' ...
Love ya and God Bless,
Pappy
-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Thursday 4th of July 2013 08:01:45 AM
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
So last night I go to check on my 11 y/o son after he had still been alone for the last 7 hrs all day and now the wife was at a Alanon meeting. He had already bugged his Mom at a meeting telling him he was scared when are you coming home. So she asks me to check on him until she gets home. So I say ok. She tells me she's on her way home and will be there in 10 min because she knows I have to work in the morning at 0500. Well 10 min turns into a hour now it's 1115 at night and I'm tired and now I have to leave. It's not acceptable when she means what she says and says what she means then doesn't follow through Then makes up all sorts of excuses on why 8 miles took over a hour to get home. Now I'm late getting to bed and am now tired. By the way I'm currently not in the house out of my choice. Then she states things I say or things I supposedly did which I did not. I think I'm talking to several different people kind if like Cybill. There is more than one person inside and sometimes she appears manic. I don't know what to do. I'm currently praying for Gods guidance and acceptance trying to be loving and tolerant. She really nuts and I don't know what to do. This had been going on for quite some time .
Thank you for sharing. We never have to accept unacceptable behavior. Figure out what is unacceptable to you and try not to change it each time things get worse... ever lowering YOUR bottom with hers. I do that with my husband when he dips down. When he dips down, he goes ALL THE WAY down and does it faster than I can gather my whits usually - BUT - I am getting better at protecting my boundaries... it takes practice. It's really about taking care of YOU - and lovingly detaching from the sick and crazy side of her... FOR YOU - for love of yourself and your emotional mental health. It helps when I can remember that I'm mad at the disease and not the person.
Sometimes I can do it - and sometimes I just go down too - but usually not all the way anymore... and I don't drink no matter what. I try and find a place to reach out and vent like you have - and keep hope - and keep praying. My alanon sponsor tells me the alanon is usually the sicker one. My AA sponsor whole heartily agrees. I am BOTH - so I'M REALLY SICK I guess LOL - but it's not a contest... that's for sure.
These days, finding a SAFE place to 'emotionally spew' is key. You are going to need to be careful where you do this, as sometimes we really just need someone to listen, and get absolutely nothing but silence in return. A message board is not going to have that opportunity - but a meeting will. Just my experience. If you're looking for someone to validate that she's crazy - that's not healthy either - not saying I'm above it - just saying that TODAY I'm able to see that really - it's ME who must decide what is okay for ME. And then stick to it. Ask for help. Turn over what I can't handle. Continue meetings and reaching out. Try to get back to the other side... giving instead of taking... balance between both is tricky when you really just NEED a shoulder to cry on. I hope you find the strength that is already inside you to get you through this day.
See you tomorrow.
__________________
Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Thanks for sharing. It reminds me of when I was first getting sober. I was told to take care of my side of the street and no worry about my spouses side. I remember saying to myself and to my spouse when I couldn't take the "crazy" attitude you mentioned any longer. "Alcoholism will kill me, I am not going to kill myself for you, I will not drink over your behavior or words"
That was a long time ago. We are still married, we are raising four children, and I am sober and happy. Once my spouse realized that my AA program was #1 in my life, and that life was getting better for all of us, the "crazy" attitude did not occur as often, and has gone farther and farther away.
Lately, when we do argue, or have differences. as any couple does if they are communicating, we usually end up forgiving each other for being as big of a jerk as we both are!!
None of this would have been possible without AA or places like MIP. Stay sober, day by day they add up. Don't take that first drink.
Some marriages do not last through one spouse getting sober, there was a time, when I thought ours might not make it. As I wrote, early on, my spouse resented some of my new found strength and aloofness to the "crazy" attitude you mentioned. Yet, once it was proven that AA was here to stay and that I was working a program, the resentment stopped, and life is still getting better day by day.
