My spouse is always flirting with other men. I talked to her about it and she says she will not stop flirting or going out with men as friends on dates 1 on 1. I've known about this as of recent. I can't Change or control another. I accept the situation but don't like the behavior. I forgive but am hurt because I don't feel respected. My sponser and everyone I talk to say they would not put up with it. I have kids love my wife and want to stay married. I pray on this constantly to let go. I have a hard time with it because other men are getting her attentions and I'm not. Am I being selfish or in my pitty pot? I have been dealing with this for months before mentioning it. I know only for myself I would not feel comfortable doing it in front of my spouse or tell her I seek out woman to do it with. I find that that's a boundary for me. Help please need to let this go. I do realize my family is sick also.
Ugh...this is a tough one. I went through the same experience, but my wife desisted after she realized how hurt I was.
Was it selfish of me to feel as hurt as I did? I don't know. But the feelings tore me up, completely, despite all her assurances that she wasn't having an affair. But you can have an emotional affair, even if it isn't physical. The problem is, how do know she's having an emotional affair and not just seeing friends? Are those men fulfilling a need for friendship, or are they taking the place of the affection she should be looking to you for?
It's a complicated issue, and I don't have any answers. I suppose all I can say is I know exactly how you feel.
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The sway of alcohol over mankind is unquestionably due to its power to stimulate the mystical faculties of human nature, usually crushed to earth by the cold facts and dry criticisms of the sober hour. ---William James
Thanks Q for your support and Tanin. For now I'm gonna pray and meditate on it. She does assure me she is not cheating but she has had offers and says she would have done it already when i was active a long time ago if she was gonna do it, She further states it would be another thing on her plate she would have to deal with and would never want to put someone through that pain since she had it done to her in a previous marriage. Also that she has no desire for other men or me at the momment as a result of recent and past childhood trauma. She says she uses it to cope for low self esteem since she sees herself as not that beutiful on the inside or outside. I see it as a negative way to cope relying on people to make you happy or give you self esteem. It's not a decision i have to deal with yet. So I will keep going to meetings and working the steps asking GOD for the proper guidance while asking myself how important is it!
I'm loathe to give advice on a matter that confuses me, but you might suggest that she attend some Al-Anon meetings.
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The sway of alcohol over mankind is unquestionably due to its power to stimulate the mystical faculties of human nature, usually crushed to earth by the cold facts and dry criticisms of the sober hour. ---William James
And I am guessing that her complaints about you are that you are suspicious controlling and domineering. There's 2 sides to every story. Own your part and let her be who she is. She grew accustomed to you being totally checked out and unavailable for a very long time. Don't expect her to be ready so quick to have an equal partner, one that asks questions, and one that demands things from her other than "leave me alone and let me drink."
You can rush her or force her to be a person she either isn't capable of being or isn't ready to be.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Sure she does. You are right pink chip i'm placing expectations on something that will take a longtime to heal for both parties. I'm trying my best and i'm far from perfect but knowing still doesn't make it any easier. I'm gonna turn this one over to God.
Thx for the advice.
