I don't understand it at all and now, after almost 2 years of absolute sobriety I took a small sip of wine last night!
2 and half years ago I married into a blended family. Our kids are teens and last night I was just taking it easy after a long 2 days at work. As typical, my husband got the urge to go get something to eat at almost 10pm and asked me if I needed anything? My reply was "No, not really unless it's healthy", he comes back while I'm focused into a movie and hands me what I thought was some juice or something so I smelled it and it was Wine! I handed it back and said "no thank you", Inside myself I was flabbergasted due to the fact that neither one of us drink by choice because of our addictive pasts. He insisted I take a sip, and I knew he would leave me alone until I did so I let it to my lips and tasted it...then I poured it into his own glass, he proceeded to sit there and drink 3/4 of a bottle of wine, knowing about my past and knowing from the 1 time we drank together almost 2 years ago of why I don't drink, he bought the wine that day too!
I am already barely hanging on in this marriage, it was a hasty and poor decision I should never have made and not the first time, I've been married 3 times now! my other husbands were active addicts, first one left me, second one I left after 10 years because of his addiction. I assumed third hubby was gonna be good cause he worked at a church etc. but then I found out 2 months after we married that he quit drinking as soon as he started dating me, we dated for 2 months and got married!! I AM SO STUPID!!
Keep practicing your program. That's all I can think of.
I don't have any advice to give you out of my own experience, because although my wife likes an occasional drink, she's very respectful of my sobriety.
Regardless of what happens in your relationship, you've got to be very selfish about your sobriety.
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The sway of alcohol over mankind is unquestionably due to its power to stimulate the mystical faculties of human nature, usually crushed to earth by the cold facts and dry criticisms of the sober hour. ---William James
Welcome Cynthia, ... ... ... glad you found MIP ... we're glad to have you here ... ... ...
Without knowing more about you, I'd say to go and get very involved with your AA home group ... "Pick It Up" ... get more active --- NOW ... ... ... Q is right, when it comes to your sobriety, you have to get selfish and 'do it' for you 1st ...
Add to your nightly prayers for God to take your 'relationship' and let it become what He/She wants it to become ... ... ...
Love you and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I am sorry about your situation...you prob. have more days of sobriety under your belt than I do, but I can relate because I live with an alcoholic like me, as well, so can relate to what you are dealing with. We are both attending AA meetings and have the same sobriety date. I told him that this was very important to me and if he ever felt the urge to fall off the wagon, to please respect me and not drink around me. We are not married. I have made a promise to myself that in the future I will never get involved with an active drinker and staying sober is more important to me than anything in my life.
Do you go to AA or did you just "quit drinking"? If someone really close to me tried to get me to drink, it would be a huge disrespect to me as they would see me going to like 4 meetings a week, working with a sponsor, doing service for AA...etc. If they knew me for a long time, then they would have seen the destruction drinking caused and the 2 years that I went to AA daily and worked it even more to get a foundation to build the rest of my life upon. Pressuring me to drink....That would be a really dumb move on their part. NOW, if all you portray is that you are "on the wagon" then it doesn't tell others how much your sobriety is worth. Not saying that your husband didn't infringe on your boundaries and that it wasn't disrespect cuz it was but things are much simpler for me when my program is at the forefront. I doubt anyone is gonna be dumb enough to pressure me to drink knowing I am that involved in AA. That would make them either evil or stupid. I also get more respect and a better response from others when I tell them what my sobriety means rather than down playing it in any way. It's so much more than not taking that glass to my lips and swallowing. If a person loved me, they would know that or I would give them the chance to learn it.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
This part is focused on you though. You are the one that took the sip of that drink just to shut him up. Who cares what he said or did really? It's about your sobriety and if it was not strong enough to withstand the desire to drink just to shut up your husband...that needs some work in AA and with your sponsor.
The relationship issues and such are separate but they can take over you sobriety too if you let them.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I think it is your alcoholism that took the sip of alcohol - and shutting him up was one of millions of excuses that just happened to be the right one for your alcoholism to pounce on at the time... if not this, than something else. I personally think when I slipped, I would have eventually found any reason if that was what I was going to do - as I was not doing what old timers do - and I was not through the steps that lead me to a spiritual awakening. I was not helping others. I wasn't going to many meetings... I was full of fear - and had little or no faith.
Glad you took action and posted here. Hopefully you will keep your eyes on the old timers for a while... and do what sober people do : ) Welcome to our family, glad you're here with us!
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
