When we look back, we realize that the things which came to us when we put ourselves in God's hands were better than anything we could have planned.
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My depression deepened unbearably, and finally it seemed to me as though I were at the very bottom of the pit. For the moment, the last vestige of my proud obstinacy was crushed. All at once I found myself crying out, "If there is a God, let Him show Himself! I am ready to do anything, anything!"
Suddenly the room lit up with a great white light. It seemed to me, in the mind's eye, that I was on a mountain and that a wind not of air but of spirit was blowing. And then it burst upon me that I was a free man. Slowly the ecstasy subsided. I lay on the bed, but now for a time I was in another world, a new world of consciousness. All about me and through me there was a wonderful feeling of Presence, and I thought to myself, "So this is the God of the preachers!"
1. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, P. 100 2. A.A. COMES OF AGE, P. 63
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The sway of alcohol over mankind is unquestionably due to its power to stimulate the mystical faculties of human nature, usually crushed to earth by the cold facts and dry criticisms of the sober hour. ---William James
Reflecting on the first part of this meditation, my experience proves its veracity to me. When I was drinking, nothing seemed to go my way. I was constantly butting my head against forces beyond my control, and I lived in a state of frustration, anguish, and eventually despair.
When I decided to turn my life and will over to the care of God as I understood Him, everything gradually began to improve. My relationships were restored. Work opportunities were seemingly handed to me on the proverbial silver platter. I grew in faith and personal responsibility. The bills got paid, the children got fed, we acquired a new home that I couldn't possibly have hoped for in my drunken stupor - the best home I've had in my entire life.
I could make a gratitude list of a thousand pages for the blessings God has bestowed on us because of my sobriety, and my willingness to seek out and follow His will, despite the fact that I do it in a bumbling and highly imperfect way. Praise God from whom all blessings flow!
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The sway of alcohol over mankind is unquestionably due to its power to stimulate the mystical faculties of human nature, usually crushed to earth by the cold facts and dry criticisms of the sober hour. ---William James
When I first got sober, I was in such a state of emotional turmoil that my prayers were shouted at God, just as Bill W shouted his. I used prayer as a hammer, to beat down the intense anguish in my heart, and the relentless stream of nonsense in my head. I read the Big Book and the 12&12 over, and over, and over again, with an almost manic fury. God, I was a mess and a half.
I also decided to read Varieties of Religious Experience, by William James, as I learned that Bill W had drawn on many of James's concepts when he composed the Big Book. This was sometime in the second or third month of my sobriety. I remember reaching the chapter on mysticism, and I remember saying, "God, why can't I have an experience like that? I've read about this sort of thing my entire life - why can't you show yourself to ME for a change?"
And then it happened. It was a waking dream. I was suffused by a power much, much greater than myself, that brought with it the message of transcendent peace. I had the feeling the everything was going to be alright - that I had finally set my feet on right path, and all I needed to do was continue taking another step forward.
I couldn't tell you whether my "white light" experience lasted an hour, or a day. It seemed timeless. Was it an hallucination brought about by withdrawal? I don't believe it was, because the memory of the experience has bolstered my sobriety for years now. I believe I met my maker that day.
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The sway of alcohol over mankind is unquestionably due to its power to stimulate the mystical faculties of human nature, usually crushed to earth by the cold facts and dry criticisms of the sober hour. ---William James
