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Post Info TOPIC: My decent into alcoholism
4st7lb


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My decent into alcoholism
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My first drink was given to me by my sister at the age of 11. She told me mom had two beers in the fridge and I could have them if I wanted. I took it in the bathroom and drank it. I was in love with the first beer. Something in my mind clicked and this was the feeling I had been searching for all of my short life. I was always an excessive child. Anything I did, Nintendo, junk food, hobbies, toys, I did it to excess. I had a troubled childhood and was the victim of much verbal and physical abuse also watching my mother be a victim. I had hardly any rules as my mom was single with three kids and worked much of the time. She was way too much of a push over for me and my sister. After these first drinks I sought any chance I could to drink. My uncle lived with my grandmother as did my mother and I. He was an alcoholic and crack addict. We bonded over beers and i would out drink him many times. At 16 I crashed my grandmothers car into a tree doing speeds over 60 mph. I was drunk On boxed wine my mother had in the fridge. My drinking was still sporadic though and had not completely taken over. At the age of 19 this would change as I found a gas station that would sell me beer.

The first 3 years of my daily drinking were a blast.  I had a good job, had tons of hot girls, partied constantly, and had tons of friends. These were good times. I did many drugs and drank daily yet never really had any ill effects. i laughed at people who warned me or were astonished at the fact i would drink a six pack in the time it took them to finish a beer. But towards the age of 23 this changed. I began to feel the effects of alcoholism. My fingers began to shake, I gagged randomly and involuntarily at the sight of beer a night after drinking. I got a criminal record due to my temper when drunk. I lost my job, my girlfriend, I had to move back in with my mother. The next three years were hell. I got involved with a girl whom I fell deeply in love with and I knew my drinking would ruin it, I tried so hard to quit. But I couldn't. I lost her and was the most heart broken I had ever been. I drank to the point where I was homeless and sleeping in alley ways outside of bars. My friends were gone. People were afraid of me. I Od on heroin twice using while drunk and had to be revived. I was  beaten by shady people. I had decided on suicide. But one good break i got was a job makinG 40k a year which was the most I'd ever made. I controlled my drinking for about 4 months but was fired for being late on a morning that I didn't set my alarm correctly the night before because I was too drunk. 

After losing the girl I loved and all my friends moving to bigger and better things even with a great job, money, youth. The only thing that killed my emotional pain over my ruined early twenties was drinking it away. For a brief time after those first 4 or 5 drinks I felt that everything was ok. 

As of now I am 26, I have not quit drinking completely. I admit that I use heroin daily in small amounts because I find that this I the only way I can control my drinking. I rarely finish a beer, it's been this way for a few months. I currently live with my new girlfriend and work a good job. I know that this will turn into an even bigger problem. but for now it is the lesser devil.

I hate that I was born with this predisposition to drink. I think of all the things I could have been had I not spent my early life in a drunken haze and it makes me ill. I miss my ex girlfriend and she will not speak to me (been over a year). This is my story thank you for reading and it doesn't have a happy ending yet but hopefully it one day will.



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justadrunk


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Welcome to MIP : ) Glad you're here. This story is very near mine, only I figured getting married and having kids would be my 'out' at around 25/26. NOPE! Had to surrender to AA and a HP at 33 because after a few years I couldn't stay stopped on my own anymore... just like when I was 23 : ( It never goes away.

I hope you try some face to face meetings if you haven't. I started here too a year or so ago. Totally changed life now thanks to this program. I don't have to drink anymore : ) I can make it through the day with out obsessing over substances! It's a miracle - and I truly didn't believe that was possible when I got here... but going to meetings and hearing that other people were just like me, and were now happily sober allowed me to try and gave me hope.

Keep posting : )

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Thanks for everything.  Peace and Love on your journey.  
Col


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Welcome:) this descent you describe is very familiar to me. I, too, fell in love at my first drink. I had the freedom to become a daily drinker almost immediately and plenty of older buddies who would supply me with bottles of whiskey and drugs. The drugs stopped being a part of my story in my late teens, because I thought drinking more acceptable and 'not that bad'- in comparison to the drugs I quit. I felt I did not have a problem due to my ability to give up the drugs. Sounds like you're doing the opposite- replacing the booze with drugs. It's all the same, really. I hope you consider going to a meeting or two to check it out, then take it from there. Welcome again, thanks for sharing your story, and keep us posted!

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mikef


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Welcome to MIP!

Blessings of this day..Thanks for sharing your story...WE can identify with the illness. We suffer from a physical.mental and spiritual illness that manifests itself in all areas of our lives...WE begin the healing by putting down the substance(any mind altering mood changing substance which is obviously alcohol)Don't let the idea that the "disposition to drink" is all you so what the heck is the sense of doing anything about it..Here at MIP we suggest putting down the substance,making a meeting,listening to learn ,getting a sponsor(listen for one) and get into what we call our solution...The STEPS ,worked with a sponsor and applied in all areas of our lives. These are suggestions based on the evidence of seeking recovery a day at a time.....Just For Today,,we don't use(drugs,alcohol is a drugs) we find out about our illness and we do whatever it takes to remain free of the poison(for us)There are no big I's or little U's here at MIP,we are one helping another in a loving and caring manner...It is truly a blessing you are reaching out at an early age and coming around to our 1st STEP,many of us spent decades out on the tiles before coming to the emotional acceptance of utter defeat...STEP 1 ...admitting we are powerless over alcohol and our lives have become unmanageable...The healing can begin here.In support and prayer,hope to hear more from you...smilesmile



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Zoomtopz


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4st7lb. One day CAN Be Today.

Just be Willing , Not to pick up a drink Today .

Oh , and a bit of another substance does Not work , either does light beer .

As Your topic Headline says "Descent into alcoholism" .

Do you think if you are this far down , if you continue  . You ARE going to go Down further .

When I got here , nearly 27yrs ago . A bloke at a meeting said this "If you are an Alcoholic , and you

continue to drink. I promise you , ALL the things you hear in these rooms , when people pick up a drink .

WILL Happen to You , but if you give this a try , there is a chance you Can get well ". I took that chance ,

I am still here today . I have a trip to the States , late Sept  & now , we are planning a trip to Hawaii .

Funny as it my seem , we are not doing Honolulu . But , Kona , Hilo(G'Day Jerry , see you about 9th Nov)

Kona & Maui . I have allready had 3 trips to Kona each for 10-12 days previously , loved it , that's why I go

back to there . I could not plan anything when I got here , did not do anything or go anywhere & I had no

choices , could not make decisions . I could not work out how my friends were 'living a normal life' .

I believe , IF you Have got to this point , you are Ready to join US , you don't have to do this alone anymore.

We do this together , we help each other . So let us help you until you can help yourself .



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Rick.

@ 37 I was too young & good looking to be an alkie.

still too young , still got th good looks. still n alkie.
Stepchild


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That's a great share...I wish I could have figured out what you have at 26....I denied I had a problem many more years than that...It cost me everything and almost killed me....I can promise you one thing. You keep going...It will get worse...Never better. You got a little free time, read The Doctor's Opinion and the first few chapters of this book....See if you see yourself in it....I know I did. I studied this book and followed the directions in it...It saved my life. Glad you're here...I didn't even know what AA was till the age of 51.

http://anonpress.org/bb/

 



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AdamMoz


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Welcome! You'll find great support here and in meetings. Good luck and keep coming back :)

-Adam

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When every situation which life can offer is turned to the profit of spiritual growth, no situation can really be a bad one.-Paul Brunton
Pythonpappy


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Welcome 4st7lb, ... ... ...


glad you found us ... you know you cannot get well and recover without giving up the heroin too ... we can help ... hope you have what it takes to stick around a while ...



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StPeteDean


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Adam, moderating your alcohol problem with opiates is like trimming your finger nails with a chain saw. Opiate recovery is exponentially more difficult that alcohol and can take years for brain chemistry to level off, compared to several months for alcohol. You're committing slow suicide in a dream world, where you have a girl, job, place to live... but you're on borrowed time on the edge a crumbling cliff with no parachute, climbing gear, or training. Throw the heroin out and deal with your alcohol problem. It would be better to lose the girl and the job, if you could get into rehab and focus your effort on recovery. You're Real life will begin after that. What you have right now will all be gone in a short amount of time. Do you have health benefits with this job?  Here's a good page to read about the difficulty opiate addicts have in recovery.  http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/what-psychological-and-physical-problems-develop-after-stopping-opiates



-- Edited by StPeteDean on Wednesday 12th of June 2013 01:52:23 PM

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Pythonpappy


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4st7lb wrote:

 

After losing the girl I loved and all my friends moving to bigger and better things even with a great job, money, youth. The only thing that killed my emotional pain over my ruined early twenties was drinking it away. For a brief time after those first 4 or 5 drinks I felt that everything was ok. 

As of now I am 26, I have not quit drinking completely. I admit that I use heroin daily in small amounts because I find that this I the only way I can control my drinking. I rarely finish a beer, it's been this way for a few months. I currently live with my new girlfriend and work a good job. I know that this will turn into an even bigger problem. but for now it is the lesser devil.

I hate that I was born with this predisposition to drink. I think of all the things I could have been had I not spent my early life in a drunken haze and it makes me ill. I miss my ex girlfriend and she will not speak to me (been over a year). This is my story thank you for reading and it doesn't have a happy ending yet but hopefully it one day will.

That is the great delusion of the alcoholic, that somehow a few drinks makes everything better or more tolerable ... ... ... You say that using a small amount of heroin helps you 'control' your drinking? ... that's the strength alcohol has ... it's a powerful foe ... it tricks the mind into doing and thinking what it wants you to think ... it puts you into a 'fantasy' world where you believe the most absurd things ...

You hate that you were born predisposed to drink? ... Stick with us and you'll soon feel blessed that this disease has led you to an understanding and dependence on  a spiritual power you never knew ... that doors in your life that opened because of your recovery will be nothing short of miraculous ... stick with us and learn that life CAN be more than you could ever dream it could be ... 

 

God Bless,

Pappy

 

 

 



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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
justadrunk


MIP Old Timer

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Interesting article - I feel like that sometimes. I went roller skating today and felt like a kid again. Couldn't decide if I was thrill seeking or just happy. It shouldn't be so hard to figure out?

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Thanks for everything.  Peace and Love on your journey.  
StPeteDean


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I takes time to get in touch with your feelings in real time. It's really something when it happens.

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 Gratitude = Happiness!





Jerry F


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You are qualified to be here and in the face to face AA meetings in your area...Keep coming back to learn what we have learned which helped us to stop and stay stopped from drinking and drugging.   If you try to do it your way, you'll keep getting what you've been getting...promise.  This is about allowing others who have been there themselves restructure your life.  Trust and hang on.  Your story is very similar to mine tho my first drink was at the age of 9 and it was my grandmother who gave it to me...live changing experience...eventually almost killed me like it killed all my relationships and by the way Alcoholism if not arrested by total abstinence is a "fatal disease".   smile



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