I would guess the more time someone has and the quality of working The Program, the time communicating with a Sponsor decreases. That's when we start working with others. Passing it on. I do work with others- Sponsee's. Is this the normal progress of recovery? Anyone else have this struggle between their ears? Just thought I would throw it out there to start a tread. Am I being to rough on myself? Is this my perfectionism rearing it's ugly head?
HI Mike,
I think this is a great topic to bring up. Yes, I think this is the normal process of recovery to work with others and you are on the right track.
The book doesn't tell us that frequent contact with our sponsor will insure our recovery, it states that nothing will so much insure our recovery as frequent work and contact with newcomers/alcoholics. God's work doesn't mostly lie in talking to your sponsor assuming you have been through the steps.
I don't want a sponcee who has some sober time and has worked the steps checking-in with me everyday, they need to be getting the numbers of new people and calling them, that is where the time is better spent...I'm not wanting to drink or struggling so don't call me at the possible expense of a new person who needs the call.
If selfishness is the root of our troubles then we need to call those we can help, not just whine to our sponsor.
Even at some meetings I see way to much of people with multiple years recovery talking with each other while the new person is sitting quietly in the corner.
-- Edited by Rob84 on Thursday 6th of June 2013 04:32:23 PM
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
I've been thinking... bad idea- right? Beating myself up a little bit for lack of communication with my Sponsor. I do speak with him about 1-2 times a week. I always feel better after speaking with him. I do call when I'm having issues, but sometimes issues just aren't there or is it I having working solutions today? I guess that's recovery- right? The ability to handle Life on Life's terms gets easier the more we work The Program. I would guess the more time someone has and the quality of working The Program, the time communicating with a Sponsor decreases. That's when we start working with others. Passing it on. I do work with others- Sponsee's. Is this the normal progress of recovery? Anyone else have this struggle between their ears? Just thought I would throw it out there to start a tread. Am I being to rough on myself? Is this my perfectionism rearing it's ugly head?
I guess I have something to call my Sponsor on today...........
Mike I understand what you're saying but I always tell my sponsees that they don't need to wait until their butt is falling of to call me. I encourage them to call me when something good happens or just to shoot the breeze. I feel if I can be there when they feel things are bad then I also deserve to be a part of their life when things are good. I get that warm fuzzy feeling when I'm able to help them but it's even warmer and fuzzier when they tell me things are good or something good happened in their life. Just my take on it.
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Tell me and I'll forget. Teach me and I'll remember. Involve me and I'll learn.
I have a lot of time to myself now-a-days ... and in the past, I wasn't very good company ... LOL ... but today, I am able to keep good company with myself and enjoy who I'm with ... my sponsor today is a big factor in this coming about for me ... he introduced me the world of the spirit and I was able to become a part of that spirit ... one with nature as it were ...
Upon my return to AA a few years back, I had good sponsor that got me on the right track, so to speak ... but there was much more to the AA way of life than just not having that next drink ... there was much more ... when my current sponsor (my therapist from my last rehab) retired, I immediately changed sponsors when he agreed to sponsor me ... (he couldn't while he maintained his therapist status at the recovery center ... due to some kind of ethics code they had) ... I changed sponsors mainly because I stopped growing spiritually with my old sponsor ... it happens ... and I highly recommend to anyone when they feel they have stagnated in spiritual growth, find someone to keep them maturing spiritually, which is what my current sponsor is doing ... we are enriching each others lives now ... I can't explain it, but he and I both find spiritual fulfillment when we are together ... (we try to lunch together every other week, after a meeting) ...
Your concern of, decreased time talking with your sponsor, is valid I think ... in part, we have become sponsors of others (I picked up one more sponsee last night in fact) and we already possess most of the wisdom needed to carry on ... and I think it a logical process to 'rely' on our sponsors less as time goes by ... my sponsor is more my best friend now than serving as a sponsor ... does that make sense??? ... my specific needs have changed as I have grown in the program ... and the natural process is for us to reach a point where we are giving back much more than we are taking ...
Does this mean I have less need to rely on my sponsor? ... No ... I need him as much today for friendship as I do for guidance ... we talk 2 or 3 times a week, plus the lunch date every other week ... And, I think there will be a point someday where we are both sitting equally on the same spiritual plane ... simply brothers in the family of God ... it is a great journey ... Thank you Lord!
You ask is this the 'normal progress for recovery?' ... I think yes ... kids do grow up and leave home, don't they? ... okay, don't answer that ... cause a long time ago, that's the way it was ... LOL
Love ya and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I like what's been said - I call my sponsor every now and then to let her know I'm alive and well. Otherwise - yes, the tools are in my tool box - the spiritual awakening as the result of the steps and practicing them in all my affairs is pretty much all I need. Especially steps 1-12 ; ) My sponsor is a couple decades older than me, so we're not really friends, however, we can talk for hours about recovery... so we do when we have time : )
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Thanks everyone for sharing your experience. I appreciate the feedback. Makes all good sense to me. Grateful to see I'm on the right track. Having done the work(Steps), having a Spiritual Awakening and continuing to practice them in all my affairs, I have something to offer the one who still suffers.
I'm working with several folks now and one newbie. It's a wonderful experience to carry the message to someone who is just starting the journey. When I came into AA, I never thought I would be much good to anyone. The Promises continue to materialize. "We'll see how our experience can benefit others".
I called my sponsor daily for over a year. Then almost daily during year 2. Still try and call a few times a week. I often wonder if I'm slipping in my program in regards to this or if I am just getting better. It's a tough call and it sounds like this is one thing we all have to negotiate with the help of our HPs and also our sponsors should ideally let us know if we are slacking cuz that's why we have them (cuz they are objective to our behaviors).
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
