Changes - I'm struggling to stop smoking - I keep stopping and re starting - God grant me the desire to stop smoking please.
Changes two - for some unknown reason and at nearly 57 years old, I have finally stopped chewing my fingernails off. Now why isn't quitting smoking like that?
Changes three - I've bought a pushbike and I'm training, in my own way, for a 47 miles charity bike ride (Hope the reference in my sig is OK - if not, one of the moderators tell me and I'll drop it)
Changes four - allied with changes three, my weight loss journey got stalled, so I'm seeing a nutritionist - it seems to be working.
Free Roaming thoughts - fear raises it's ugly head once more. I rent, renting is not comfortable for me, as much as I tell myself that I have nothing to fear, as the property I rent has been on the market for sale for 2 years, I still fear the day when I get the notice to quit, so.....I'm house hunting, but finding the house is the easy bit, getting the finance is proving to be a hassle - negative thoughts - I'll not get a mortgage and have to spend my pension lump on a house. Turn it positive Bill, you got somewhere nice to live right now and you get paid and you got a good pension maturing in 3 years,
Free Roaming thought two - been spending time wistfully thinking about my son and daughter, who I haven't had personal contact with for 7 or so years . I last saw my son in the flesh on remembrance sunday three years ago, last sat in the same room as him on 01/01/2006. Last sat in the same room as my daughter the same day.....yes, me and their mum are divorced, but also me and the kids have also divorced each other. Negative thoughts - that'll be the last time I seem 'em. Positive thoughts - well........neither of us are upsetting the other.
It's my ongoing amends to my son and daughter, at their request - to stay the F$$$ out of their lives.....but as they say up here, it's a bit sore at times. More positives - apparantly the pair of them are getting on with theirlives and are behaving witht their mum as a family, rather than three individuals in the same house. Sometimes to band together and be mutually supportive, a group of people need a common foe.
Heyhoe - I'm not drinking on it and nobody really dies from hurt feelings (providing they talk about them) - so, as the short form goes, F$$$ this, F$$$ that and F$$$ you too.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
Hey Bill...reading your vent brought to mind Page 449 of the 3rd Edition of the BB and Dr. Pauls disertation on acceptance. That's what happend to help me when I felt like a square peg attempting to take residence in a round hole...didn't fit and didn't like that I didn't fit and the lumps on my head from rapping it with a mallet trying to get me to fit were throbbing and painful until I got page 449 into my program. Try it and see what happens.
Good to hear from you and thanks for the update. Sounds like you are moving in the right direction in many ways and your fears and problems are higher level than most.
The promises always come true if we work for them.....I can't remember where I read this.....It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got.
Take care,
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
I wasn't intending this to be a rant or a vent. I was feeling a little sorry for myself and a good way for me to get off the cross is to write it out.
Sorry about the last line......that was me not being well.
So now it's a sunny Saturday morning. I have food in the cupboard and cash in my wallet.
I'm going to spend the day trying to cycle to the coast for an ice cream. And then cycle back. Just a 48 mile round trip and ten hours free to do it in.
Then tonight a meeting to help me get centred and settled and an early night.
So the world does look better today and all I have to do is be.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
