"IN THE PRECEDING chapters you have learned something of alcoholism. We hope we have made clear the distinction between the alcoholic and the non-alcoholic. If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic. If that be the case, you may be suffering from an illness which only a spiritual experience will conquer." Pg 44 AA book.
It was the 1st time that I heard the word "illness", when referring to alcoholism and the alcoholic. The mental obsession coupled with a physical allergy of the body rendered me powerless and utterly hopeless. Here I come into AA and I hear "only a spiritual experience will conquer." No wonder I was terrified. And I went back to that bottle hoping to find some other solution to my problem. Of course I did return, because there was no where else to go and so I have stayed. I did have a spiritual experience and I did recover against all odds.
I remember my first A.A. experience as well. It was in a dark basement like setting with clouds of cigarette smoke everywhere. It also had religious plagues all over the walls, funny as that may seem. It felt more like an after-hours church retreat (minus the religion) then some recovery program. And of course, all they talked about was the transforming power of God. Needless to say it turned me right off. That was until I meet my first real sponsor. He said: "I had two choices to make, either change or die". You Choose. Of course I gave A.A. a shot. And I'm glad I did. They made a believer out of me, without question. And that was just for starters.
It didn't happen overnight, though. Like you, I also had numerous reservations, including the so called "God" factor they kept talking about. I even questioned A.A's intentions as being some sort of cult instead of the much needed recovery program I was searching for. Well, needless to say, I found spirituality in the most unlikely of places: "On the road I took to avoid it". It has become a wonderfully addition to my sober routine, despite my occasional skepticism. And that's how I came to believe. I no longer had to live in fear, because fear is only reserved for those with commitment issues: You know, the ones who don't commit themselves to the first step. If they did, then it wouldn't be an issue at all. The facts instead would become abundantly clear: There's no recovery without recovery. How true. Now that's what I call 'a kick in the pants'. Thanks, again, for the reminder. Onward...
