Drank some fermented tea this morning. Non alcoholic, but tasted very much like beer - and also had the color, fizzy and smell of beer.
Was not pleasant. Chugged it down as if beer because I wanted the health benefits - and it was exactly like chugging the beers down a little over a year ago - for the mental benefits = numbing out.
The action was disturbing and similar and familiar... somehow, when I take my shot of apple cider vinegar, I do not really have this weird sense of flashback - maybe because I did way fewer shots in my drinking days... I don't know... but this chugging the whole big glass was so creepily ritualistic.
The odd thing was... for years... I had been pouring a glass of beer with my face away - trying not to smell the disgusting stuff, would silently say to myself "nothing good can come of this" and then chug it down - one after the other.
This time - I had to convince myself "something good will come of this" and then chug.
Because the act of it was so like drinking - I think I will discontinue this.
-- Edited by justadrunk on Tuesday 21st of May 2013 02:05:28 PM
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
I also chug most things I drink- tea being the exception. Since becoming sober I drink liters and liters of water a day- and it's usually much the same as my old vodka tonics- on ice with lemon and a straw gulping it down. I hadn't really noticed this habit- a friend of mine pointed it out. I also do the apple cider vinegar thing, but with water and a straw and it did remind me of booze for a while. My drinking had become somewhat medicinal feeling towards the end- I just had to get 1 or 2 in me to feel 'better', then I could 'enjoy' it. The difference? I can actually grasp my glasses of water now- not leave it on the counter until my hand is steady enough to lift it :)
I tried 'apple cider vinegar' a couple times ... WOW ... it sucked the air right out of me ... bam, gasping for air ... how can anyone drink that stuff??? ... (holding my nose like when Granny made me drink 'caster oil & orange juice' helped ...) ... ... ... nothing changed, I was still a little 'stinker' ... but things did come out smoother, ... LOL
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
