What a stumbling block the "God" thing was for me in the beginning of my recovery. Having been raised Catholic, I was afraid of God and after a while rejected the whole idea outright. I mean, how could there be a God if children got cancer and wars in His name still ravaged the world? And now I was told that my very life and recovery was dependent on my ability to forge a relationship with God? What was I going to do?
 
The key for me was reframing the God concept as simply a power greater than myself. This put the mystery back in for me, and suddenly I didn't have to understand how God worked, and I didn't have to explain anything either. My proof of God was now clear enough - God clearly could do something that I alone couldn't do - relieve me of the desire to drink and use. 
 
Today my concept and understanding of God doesn't get clearer, it gets more expansive. I've become more accepting of God's will, and time and time again find that things often work out for the best - despite what I initially thought. I've stopped trying to explain who or what God is and know that the infinite reality of the divine will always be beyond my finite understanding. I now know that a God small enough for me to understand wouldn't be large enough for me to trust.

 

I now know that a God small enough for me to understand wouldn't be large enough for me to trust.