I've heard that you should never walk out of a meeting if you hear something that upsets you, because that means that's probably exactly what you needed to hear.
I was feeling a little sorry for myself this morning because my wife and I don't have kids, and this older gentleman was talking about how people should avoid self-pity and how we should accentuate the positive and have gratitude. This sounded good to me until he said the reason he had gratitude that day was that he had a brand new baby grandchild. That pretty much killed my mood and I left.
Anyway, this particular meeting has deteriorated into something where the same dozen people or so take up the first 45 minutes giving detailed updates about their health, family issues, and travels, making only cursory efforts to weave some comment about sobriety in there. So I may find another one for that day.
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Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's, and unto God that which is God's.
Good to see you back hear at MIP. From the sound of it, it seems like that meeting in more of a "group therapy" how is your day, rather than an AA meeting.
It does seem like the meeting got you thinking about things and you came here to share which is a good thing. I certainly don't have everything I want, but over the years AA has taught me to focus on and be grateful for the things I do have, which I think was the point of the meeting.
Happiness in sobrietry is wanting what we have.
Thanks,
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
Personally, I have only ever walked out of 2 meetings ... 1 was early in my AA tryouts, this guy, obviously enjoying making others uncomfortable, was describing his drug and alcohol use down to the 'vomit & sh!tting on himself' in very, very graphic detail ... ... ... note: several had to leave because it was making us sick ... also note: This was a mock AA meeting in a 'rehab' center ... ... ...
The other was a 'group conscious' meeting where there was an argument that arose over 'birthday cake' ... ... ... LOL, I said I had better things to do than to worry about cake ...
I got something out of both these meetings ... we are some SICK people ... ... ... So now I try to employ more 'tolerance' than I have in the past ... (but I still have my limits ...)
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Hey ZZ, The important thing is you are analyzing your actions to see that they meet your standards. In a past time you would have done this for an alcoholic reason, now it "just did not feel right" and you removed yourself. That's fine. Now you are looking at the situation at your own pace and seeing whether you could have handled it differently. That is sanity. You will do the right thing for the right reason.
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"You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around."
working through your sadness about having no children and believing that God has a plan for your life. Let go. Trust Him.
What would it feel like if you were genuinely happy for this other man?
Follow the steps. Stay open.
the meeting: you will leave if and when you are really ready. Myself? I did the work in the BB and I don't have time to be in anything but the solution, although I do take a seat or carry the message in other meetings once in a while Too.
-- Edited by odat on Monday 20th of May 2013 10:57:16 AM
I'm pretty adamant that you don't need to stick with meetings that you don't like. It's not 1940. We're not driving 600 miles once a week for one meeting. With very few exceptions, there's meetings all over. Find a different one.
As far as walking out because you hear something that upsets you... whether you should/ should not have done that is totally up to you.
Any meeting that is monopolized by a precious few needs to have a group conscience and a regular business meeting.
Not much to add ZZ! Some times meetings are serenity testers. Sounds like you took inventory and are working on changing what YOU can. This may have been God doing for you what you couldn't do for yourself- a push to a new meeting.
Did it cause you to go home and speak with your wife about solutions? Kids, grandkids and great-grandkids are a blast and I get to enjoy them all with the wife that didn't have anything to do with having them. Now a meeting about not having that wife in my life might bring me down a bit but it hasn't done so yet!!. If a meeting doesn't fulfill the need for spiritual recovery for me...it is not a meeting...for me. I don't have any regrets or remorse for the ones I've left before the end. Stay the course...talk with your wife. (((hugs)))
A boyfriend, wife or kids aren't the Solution anyway. That's all the illusion, thinking those things will fix my insides. False security, the illusion, which is the way most people in the world live and judge who should have "respect". :)
This is about God and being in Truth.
If He wants us to have it He will bring it to us when we're REALLY ready - and it will last.
Yes, the 4th dimension way of living (and i dont mean being "happy" we're in AA, I mean being totally submerged in Truth) is considered "weird" by most. It's not meant to be a "normal" way of life. This stuff is not meant for the faint of heart, it's meant for those who want a completely new way of Life.
Yet I look around me in AA and see most trying to Force solutions. It takes years to really get it.
Ha! Can't tell you how many meetings I walked out of early on. I understand where you're coming from, ZZ. Nowadays, when I run into this little problem, I'll just gently but firmly remind all that this is an AA meeting, not a bragging session. That get's 'em back on track every time!
This is a safe playground to make what we consider mistakes according to how we see our HP - and learn from them for the most part. We come in with lots of problems, and most of us work them out over time with natural consequences and gentle nudges in the right direction. If we didn't get to see 'what it was like' on a regular basis, we would forget and that would be lethal. This program works because we are all in different places in our recovery. I Get To see exactly how I would not wish to behave right in this very thread - and that's how it works. I walked out of a meeting once, the language got so vulgar, it was not healthy for me. At that point, I didn't realize that I loved myself enough to not subject myself to that. Now I see that I was growing, and my guts work.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Going to share a resentment toward a controlling A.A member at my local meeting .
I won't go into too much detail but this person was/Is a grade a narcissist.
Now I know I shouldn't have let that destroy my recovery but the resentment grew to an extent that I had an argument over something that some may think trivial .
One night at a particular meeting he was using a , "I would sooner be drinking beer coffee mug , I asked how that might affect a newcomer attending his first meeting and struggling to keep sober that day.
His reply was , if we can't laugh at alcoholism then what can we laugh at , I guess he missed my point.
I walked out and didn't return until recently , almost two years later.
There are no other meetings in my home town.
I let this affect me to the extent that I couldn't share the same room with this guy let alone a meeting.
Some may say I was looking for a way out and maybe I was but the fact that this person had control over most of the other members just sickened me and I blamed A.A rather than seeing the bigger picture .
Like I say some might see this as a trivial matter but taken in context I believe it was self centred control and nothing less.
There is Alanon because we are so hard to be around. I was hard to be around, and still am. I have aggravated and agitated others, and still can. I'm alcoholic. We deal with alcoholics every time we go to a meeting. It helps me to read daily affirmations from alanon books such as courage to change and hope for today.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
We have to learn to tolerate other people. We will get many opportunities. Passive-aggression is just that old self-seeking behavior, trying to one-up someone who disturbs me, and if I've done the work in the Bb I can write it out honestly and make use of it - for my own growth.
At the same time I am always honest about my spiritual experience thru the steps. I did not find God in my opinion or what I want Him to be - I found Him in Truth. Truth never changes and never will.
Just to add it wasn't for myself that I was concerned it was the possibility that it could have affected another drinker and the fact that he didn't seem to give a hoot.
Although to be honest I did let my festering resentment take over.
Tolerance is one thing and I accept that but not speaking out when you believe that something so important is being made a mockery of I just couldn't do.
I think having a coffee mug saying "I'd sooner be drinking beer" is quite irresponsible ... ... ... he can't say for sure how a 'new-comer' would take that ... I would certainly say to him that if he's serious about his sobriety and the sobriety of others, then why promote the expression on the mug ... ... ...
I know I had to get rid of a bunch of good 'T-Shirts' that promoted liquor/beer, whatever, ... .. ... most of them my favorite Nascar racer of the time, Little E ... ... ... and I just couldn't wear the Budweiser shirts ... it just seems to me to be hypocritical ... ... ...
Oh, welcome Insanicdrunk, welcome to MIP ... glad to have you
Love ya and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I was talking of intolerance while Being intolerant myself! Self seeking myself! *slaps forehead* I love seeing myself through my own new pair of glasses! Talk about seeing the truth! Lol! Sheesh. I can't get away with anything!
