Welcome. Hopefully when you sober up you'll see that getting drunk and high didn't fix your family problem. It does nothing but make things worse. The only way to show people we have changed is to be consistently sober and work our program for a good long while. Even then, there's no guarantee that we can undo mistakes or mend broken relationships. Other people don't have to forgive us. We can still move on and enjoy a good life and do it sober. We get sober to have a life....to have a decent life and not just to impress others.
Sobriety is also only "a fight" in the beginning - actually it's more of a surrender. If you stick with it and really work at it correctly, it just becomes a way of life. A better way of life. If my whole family came and each member punched me in the face and said they hated me....do you know what I would do? Call my sponsor and then go to a meeting....Not turn myself into an active alkie or druggie again. What's the point?
I also suspect that your family doesn't trust you or the strength of your recovery and it's not just from things you did years ago. You are drunk an high right now not years ago. You just gave them more reason to be wary. Do not keep self-sabotaging and self-destructing and then wondering why people keep their distance from you. That crap hurts to be around.
Pick yourself up and get back into recovery please. That is the best course of action. Your whole life could change starting right now.
PS - Murano - I see you are 1 month younger than me. At 40 years old this is the peak of our lives. When I was actively drinking (sober for 4 years) I thought I was old and washed up and my live sucked at 36 years old. It took about 2 years of solid sobriety for things to really pick up and turn around even though things were getting better from the start (the 2nd year was a big painful growth period and the one in which I worked the steps the hardest - hence the greatest change). You are too young to be acting all washed up and such. Get busy living and not killing yourself slowly. Stick with recovery.
-- Edited by pinkchip on Monday 13th of May 2013 05:38:25 PM
-- Edited by pinkchip on Tuesday 14th of May 2013 07:39:44 AM
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Mother's Day was terrible. I thought I've changed, that my family would notice. They didn't. It doesn't seem worth the fight sometime. No one will love me back even though I've tried to reconcile with them the things I've done in the past, trying to over come what others did to me. They see still punishing me from years ago.
Sitting here drunk and high. Self pity. Stupid. Deserve it.
Hello Murano and welcome to the board. We've all been where you're at. It took me a couple of years of steadily going to meetings, till I was willing to do whatever it takes to get/stay sober. Come back in here when you sober up. Lot's of help to be had here.
Welcome. What matters is what YOU notice!!! Do you want to be sober? WE are sober because we want to be. Here, we will notice. Other might not notice what we are doing because they do not want to see. You are sober for yourself. I hope you stay here.
(((Murano))) I was taught that there was only one person to get sober for...me and then to self focus. Early sponsorship taught me that I had to get away from all things alcohol and that including my family and most of my friends and my wife. I could then busy my self with my only problem...me. My only solution was the rooms of recovery and my Higher Power. I got humble..."teachable" and kept going after program, more and more. When I stopped drinking it was only for me and only for one day at a time. I was willing to do the program without doing anyting to screw it up. I followed the suggestions and kept practicing, practicing, practicing. Today is a good day for giving it away. Keep coming back .
Seems that when we first sober up we want to atone for every bad thing we ever did and want to be accepted by those we wronged instantly. how can we blame them for being skeptical. how many times did we tell them we would quit, how many times did we tell them we would change only to go right back to our old ways. I now know the only person I have to be better then is me, the only person I have to impress is me. I am my own worst critic so if I can do that I've made quite an accomplishment. Now those who knew me then can't believe the changes in me and those who didn't know me then can't believe I was ever like that.
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Tell me and I'll forget. Teach me and I'll remember. Involve me and I'll learn.
Welcome Murano! With deep despair and hopelessness, my motivation changed from getting sober for other people to getting sober and staying sober for me. My recovery and life change from that moment on. Not knowing it at the time, but getting sober for someone else left me in a vulnerable position. Resentment, as you mentioned, sent me back to the bottle. Why not-right? I was staying sober for them and they pissed me off...
Staying sober for me- surrendering, listening, teachable, change, working with a Sponsor, The 12 Steps and a HP(God) taught me that it didn't matter what others thought of me or what I was doing. That's the amazing part of doing the work. I didn't matter! I actually pissed my x-wife off by staying sober. Imagine that, she's the one who got me in The Halls. She didn't like the new sober Me. Too bad- I was happy, content and at piece with myself. She pursued someone else who wasn't well and we separated and divorced.
Mother's Day was terrible. I thought I've changed, that my family would notice. They didn't. It doesn't seem worth the fight sometime. No one will love me back even though I've tried to reconcile with them the things I've done in the past, trying to over come what others did to me. They see still punishing me from years ago.
Sitting here drunk and high. Self pity. Stupid. Deserve it.
Welcome to MIP Murano, ... ... ..
Guess What ??? ... ... ... You've just proved to your family that you haven't changed ... I did the same thing ... and only when I got and stayed sober for me, did my family ever start to trust me again ... ... ... it's called a living amends for a reason ... your 'amends' of the past doesn't mean a damn thing if you go drown yourself in the bottle again, only to repeat the same dumb sh!t you did in the past ... ... ...
So you have a problem with family, just how is your 'solution' working out for you ... does getting drunk solve your problem ???
We have the solution here in the program of AA, but you know what, it never worked for anybody that didn't actually work it !!! ... Your choice, go to the bitter end dying a slow lonely death, or, straighten up your thinking just long enough to give AA and 'honest' try ... and learn to know a joy in living you never thought possible ...
Love you my friend, and I pray you make the right decision,
Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
When things get really bad, I tell myself "Self, this here doesn't suck quite bad enough yet. What would really screw things up is if you went and got a 12 pack and drank it all!"
Point being it never gets so bad that I can't make it worse by drinking.
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