At tonight's meeting, before it started, I was talking to the group of old 'geezers' Col described the other day ... (I guess I am one of those) ... anyway, we had noticed one of our newer members hadn't been there in a few weeks ... one guy who was closer to him than us others, said this guy had come home from the hospital and he assured our friend he was okay, not to worry ... he said he'd be back to meetings shortly ... day before yesterday, this same guy went to check on the other guy ... when he walked in, he said our new guy was sitting in his chair with a bottle of expensive Scotch ... ... ... the bottle was still clutched in his hand ... ... ... his funeral is tomorrow ...
I am not making this up ... the guy was about the same size as 'Norm' on the show 'Cheers' ... he will be missed ...
(He was 50-ish)
-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Thursday 9th of May 2013 06:37:57 PM
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
So i've been doing really good with my soberity. There is only one problem, i'm finding myself bored out of my skull at night. And sundays , sometimes I litterly watch paint dry :)
A little background on myself i'm 29 years old, single guy, and I work from home, I'm an online seller and I have a few clients I do graphic design for. So the problem is I work all day from home.
When I first moved out on my own, i was faced with the same issue, so I became a chef because I loved cooking , started from the bottom and worked my way up to being a head chef. The only problem was when I worked before at that job I wasn't happy near the end, owner being a douche bag (goes with the industry too) and It might have done something to do with my drinking.
Well I proposed the idea to my girlfriend about being a chef agian and she goes what if it starts you drinking agian. I said it wont this time. I am really confident it wont this time, but her comment got me thinking.
I need to work in an industry at night time because of my day work. Plus I really enjoy the fast paced industry of cooking.
I know I will be strong enough this time, thoughts?
You didn't like the job and you think it might have had something to do with your drinking? I can tell you from experience every job I hated and eventually got fired from...That means every job I ever had. ...Had something to do with my drinking. As far as boredom goes...I latched onto a sponsor and a few oldtimers and got busy working the steps...They kept me plenty busy. Just a thought.
IF your AA program is 'strong' enough, then you'll be able to go places and do things with impunity, alcohol will not pose a problem ... But, if your current AA program is not on 'solid foundation', then you'll soon find yourself waking up wondering just what happened the night before ...
I had been in AA several times before, got a few months sober, cut my meetings down, stopped calling my sponsor, stopped my morning and evening prayers, and then woke up one day wondering just WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED ... ... ... I won't say you can't do it, but it's damn hard ... UNLESS ... your sobriety means EVERYTHING to you ... ... ...
Don't forget, your misery can be refunded to you 'in full' ... ... ... and then some ... ... ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Don't you get any socializing needs fulfilled at meetings? There are always AA things to do and you know you wont run into the temptation to drink. I think we're having a camp out this weekend... there are karaoke nights... dances... pot lucks... speakers to listen to with 100's of sobers to mingle with before and after... usually the downtown coffee shop is full after the speaker... there are new meetings to try out... take a road trip to one and enjoy the drive... take the back way... the long route... stop at that interesting looking store... book store look interesting?... hook up with other AA's and do the fellowship thing Mandm. Quit trying to out smart millions of people. You're just like us. Do things that you belong a part of.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
WOW ... ... ... if I hadn't known who posted that last post, I'd a thought it was from one of the old geezers we been talkin' 'bout on the other threads ... LMA0 ... (the ones that Col loves so much ;)
Tasha, you go girl ... oh man, all I can add is that you should look at this last post of yours and compare it to one from this period you posted last year ... wow have you come a long way baby ... I just love the dickens out of you ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Your old owner being a douche bag has nothing to do with your drinking. You drink because you're an alcoholic. I'm worried that your program may not be strong enough to handle being in an industry where alcohol is everywhere (I worked as a bar & restaurant manager/bookkeeper for years and did some of my most out of control drinking there). You say you have a girlfriend, can't you plan activities to do at night so you're not so "bored"? Find some night meetings in your area and get involved. When you have enough sober time under your belt, and your routine has changed for the better, there aren't enough hours in the day to get stuff done in my experience. Good luck.
If we want something bad enough we find a way if we don't we find an excuse. My excuses alway got me drunk and then led to another excuse. Now I find ways to stay sober. Like Tasha said there are many things to do in sobriety join in and live life as it's meant to be lived.
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Tell me and I'll forget. Teach me and I'll remember. Involve me and I'll learn.
Hey Mandm, Where are you in the steps? Honestly, this early in the game is not a time to invent something new. You can try it, but statistics say that it will end up being a "learning experience" for you meaning, if you live through it, you will statistically end up drinking again. Having said that, the program is yours. If you feel you have to do it, and can do it, prove the statistics wrong. Our concern here is that some form of this question pops up all the time, and the answer that will best keep you sober is to stay away from the restaurant/bar crowd and stick with the program. I do agree with Tasha on this. I would try and stay with the group of folks who are trying to stay sober verses going back into an environment where boozing is part of the culture. Good Luck!!! Tom
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"You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around."
I think what people need to really want to not drink. I'm torn because I want to work and make some extra money, and i need a job thats starts after 5 and on weekends and the only thing that is condusive to that is the resturant biz.
I have no desire to dig deeper into the twelve steps, i don't like obsessing over not drinking. I actually don't even think about it anymore which is a great improvement. I've been reading alot of books on business and they said if your young you should have at least 3 jobs, and I have two during the day already so why not have a thrid at night. To eleminate debit etc.
As long as i don't drink when i work i'm good. I got the job I start tommrow
I've read this post, and the responses several times. I've hesitated to respond because I, too, work in the business. I have since I was 14 years old. It is a very dangerous business to be in for an alcoholic, in my experience. I am not giving advice here- I understand the money and hours thing. BUT- and this is a big But... It is probably the only industry that one could choose where you are constantly surrounded by booze (unless you work in a distillery or something). It's not something that you can avoid. I'm a server, so I'm hands on with booze every night. Like I said, I've done this in some capacity for over 20 years, and by the end of my drinking I was no longer drinking there after hours- I would go elsewhere. I also never really drank during working hours. I always separated the two. For many, many years, the social scene of the business kept me in it, to be honest. It is the perfect job for an active alcoholic. It was very, very difficult to get sober in this business. Not many people can do it, and remain sober. I currently work with several individuals who have gone to jail or rehab vowing to never drink again upon returning- they are not sober today. I sat in meetings with 1 or 2- they are not sober today. I understand the business and it's dynamics very well. I'm fine with it now, but it took a whole and a LOT of dedication to my program of sobriety to get there. I would joke with my sponser in the first few months that I was taking her to work with me- and would call her every night either before or during my shift. I said the Serenity Prayer in the bathroom mirror to myself several times a night, I hit a meeting before every shift. Yes, I worked the steps thourougly and seriously. I would set aside time every night after work to do so. It was like homework I had to get home to do. I'm not trying to 'tell you what to do' or anything- this is simply what worked for me. I think you should proceed with extreme caution. You will Need to have a very strong program and a lot of sober support to remain sober working in that environment- In my opinion and experience :) Best of luck to you!!
It sounds like you've made up your mind to do it the "mandm way", so all the best to you, and if that doesn't work out, come back to the halls in earnest and apply yourself to the program.
I'm torn because I want to work and make some extra money, and i need a job thats starts after 5 and on weekends and the only thing that is condusive to that is the resturant biz.
I have no desire to dig deeper into the twelve steps, i don't like obsessing over not drinking. I actually don't even think about it anymore which is a great improvement. I've been reading alot of books on business and they said if your young you should have at least 3 jobs, and I have two during the day already so why not have a thrid at night. To eleminate debit etc.
As long as i don't drink when i work i'm good. I got the job I start tommrow
I'd be careful how much credence I put into what I read ... ... ... Personally, I wouldn't believe everything i read either ... my sponsor caught me looking at some 'self help' books one time while meeting up at a coffee/book shop ... he asked me what I was doing, I said I was checking out some of these 'self help' books ... he asked why, do you have many of these at home? ... I said yeah, I got a whole shelf full of them ...
He said, you go home and get rid of all those damn books ... I asked why? ... He said you are trying to build up the very person you need to get rid of ... He said the only 'self help' book you'll ever need is right here, showing me an AA Big Book ...
I am in agreement about 'debt' ... it should be eliminated all together, but that is more a matter of money management than anything else ... 3 jobs will not get you out of debt, paying off what you owe will ... with 3 jobs ... how do you coordinate getting a couple weeks off to go vacation some ??? ... ... ... It just sounds to me like you're committing yourself to other things so much so, that you're going to squeeze your AA program out of the picture ... not good ...
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I think what people need to really want to not drink.
*Smiles sadly*
It's out of our hands. Wanting doesn't keep you sober. But you have your plan and you are not going to be talked out of it so I'll just say good luck to you. I know it won't work but here's hoping you're the exception.
So i've been doing really good with my soberity. There is only one problem, i'm finding myself bored out of my skull at night. And sundays , sometimes I litterly watch paint dry :)
A little background on myself i'm 29 years old, single guy, and I work from home, I'm an online seller and I have a few clients I do graphic design for. So the problem is I work all day from home.
When I first moved out on my own, i was faced with the same issue, so I became a chef because I loved cooking , started from the bottom and worked my way up to being a head chef. The only problem was when I worked before at that job I wasn't happy near the end, owner being a douche bag (goes with the industry too) and It might have done something to do with my drinking.
Well I proposed the idea to my girlfriend about being a chef agian and she goes what if it starts you drinking agian. I said it wont this time. I am really confident it wont this time, but her comment got me thinking.
I need to work in an industry at night time because of my day work. Plus I really enjoy the fast paced industry of cooking.
I know I will be strong enough this time, thoughts?
What did your sponsor say when you proposed your new idea ?? ......
3 jobs doesn't sound like God's Will, sanity, balance or moderation.
I think you are looking your disease right in the eye in your original post and with committment to AA you will overcome it ODAAT.
Without AA you will slide down a slippery slope and not even know it's happening .....
So you've been "sober" for 2 weeks, you're bored and you want to go back to work in an industry that you've struggled to stay sober or content in. What's so different about you now? What's changed? Why wouldn't you feel the same, get the same results from this similar situation? How does having a girlfriend include being single and bored? A few things aren't adding up here.
I descided to decline the job in the kitchen for the time being and focus on my own work which is my two jobs, they are both self directed. I slept on it and thought i don't want to be in the industry as much as I'd like a little extra consistant cash flow. I really don't mind spending time on my own so I don't really need to get out of the house as much as I think I do. I just need to stay busy when i'm home and give myself some down time.
Say's who? Is this you telling you what's best for you? That's the same person who has gotten you into all these messes and drunken stoopers and who knows what else...
I can imagine telling this to my sponsor at 2 weeks sober and her saying "Like HELL you need to isolate! Get your butt to a meeting and get into the middle of recovery... this is life or death!"
Murray, I love you man. You're a cool dude... and I love your art. HOWEVER - as a friend, I'm going to just clue you into one little secret:
WE ALL can only think like ourselves.
We all have alcoholism.
The number one symptom is we think we don't have it. The number 2 symptom is that we think we're unique and can figure it out ourselves, and not do what the other millions have done to get better. "We're special, we don't need the steps, we don't need meetings, we don't need a sponsor, we don't have to find a hP, bla bla bla bla bla" All that crap... we've all said it - we share this common symptom as common as sneezing when you have a cold. You're just like the rest of us, trying to get different results from the same thinking. YOUR thinking. That wont work. Hate to break it to you, but no matter what you come up with... it wont work. You need to do this program... but I see you have more suffering left in you... do you think you were meant to be nothing more than an example to others of what will happen if you continue trying to do it YOUR way? Or do you think you could possibly be more than that? I think you're more than that. Quit trying to out smart everybody and just do what you're told. Go to meetings, get a sponsor, read the big book and do the steps. Not much to it... yet you seem to be avoiding your cough medicine as if you can miraculously talk your way out of having a cold. Do you think you can 'think' your way out of having cancer? Do you think you know more than the doctors when you have to go to the hospital for anything else? Why is it that we alcoholics THINK we can THINK our way out of this?????? OH YEAH!!! THAT'S THE DISEASE RIGHT THERE..> HA! That's what we have... a disease that makes us think we don't have one... this is a mental obsession and a physical allergy. Once you start you can't stop or stay stopped. The rest is all in your head... in your thinking... and you've got to take a look at step one buddy...
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
((((Murray)))) Read Bob K's post just above your's here on Maturity...read it several times and interchange the title with "Sobriety". See if it is helpful for you at the moment. (((hugs)))
Tasha's last post: spot on. I tried for many years to do it by myself, with books, with online support only, by changing things, by willpower. It didn't work. I wasn't any different from all of the other alcoholics after all and so I tried the solution that worked for them. I didn't question it, I just did it.
Best to you, Murray.
