I have heard time and again that you "have to put your sobriety first, before anything else, or you won't have anything else", which i can totally agree with and groove on.
Alcohol had invaded and taken over parts of my life where it didn't belong.
I am DEEPLY grateful to God, AA and my AA friends who guided me with some suggestions, for keeping alcohol from destroying my Entire Life, and me, and possibly others, along with it.
I DO NOT however feel any need to have AA replace alcohol in my life. wouldn't that be trading one addiction, or at least a crutch, for another???
I get crap from my homegroup all the time about this because, a year and some months of 24 hours-es down the road, i still only attend meetings when i can.
even my "regular" schedule is crazy with long hours, (mostly spent helping others, too).
my sponsor also claims AA as the center of his life, but i feel as though i have as yet much more to accomplish in life than being "taken over" by AA.
I hope someone will weigh in on this.
It may be of tremendous help to busy, accomplished people, who are trying get things done in Life.
Thanks
-- Edited by AA Viking on Thursday 9th of May 2013 09:18:33 AM
-- Edited by AA Viking on Thursday 9th of May 2013 09:19:39 AM
-- Edited by AA Viking on Thursday 9th of May 2013 09:25:31 AM
I love this post. It's just what I've been thinking lately. I've gotten really busy, and have cut way back on meetings, just going when I can. When I start to feel the crazies setting in, I double up my attendance, and find a newcomer to at least go out to coffee with. Lucky enough to have a sponsee who's doing really well to work with. That's the stuff that keeps me going. Been interested in step study lately. Summer is a busy time, and I am fine with catching one of those, and my home group meeting on Sunday morning. I was allowing AA to be a crutch, and allowing it to be my whole life. When I slowed down and looked at it HONESTLY - there was an morsal of trying to avoid my home maker/mothering responsibilites - and some selfishness on my part. Monetarily too - with the cost of sitters and gas going to way more stuff than I *needed* to, longer than I needed to be doing it.
It didn't feel good. There is something to be said for living and breathing it for a good while - probably at least 6 months was good for me... now? Well... to be honest... I do not feel my calling in life is to help other alcoholics. I appreciate that I can do this with my experience strength and hope, but it's not all I'm living for. It's not what gets me out of bed. It interests me to a point, but it doesn't give me a purpose for living. Maybe that's bad? I don't think so.
My children are still the main reason I get out of bed. My health and happiness is a direct result of feeling worth a better life, and in turn, giving them a better life. In the beginning... they were the ONLY reason. I didn't think about myself at all as worth a crap. Now there is balance. I will push myself to get to the end of a another recovery book on healing shame or whatever... mostly because they are little, and they aren't going to be little much longer. I need to get my sh** together for them as much as myself. The benefit of course is better relationships in all aspects of my life, which in turn gives me a widely rich and abundant new crop of friends, acquaintances, work associates I connect to, family and extended family I have reconnected with and have bonded with, new opportunities, experiences and the ability to pick and chose what's healthy for me, and good for me - and so everyone else - with lots of other options if one doesn't work out. The diligent work I've put in this past year has produced a life beyond my wildest dreams, and now it's time to LIVE it! For me, that means backing off from meetings every single day. Integrating the concepts into my every day life - and creating a life that is full or purpose in a wide variety of area's.
Saying being super involved is swapping one addiction for another could fall under the realm of a self centered thing to say... no worries... I've done worse.. and it's just my opinion of one thing you said - not you as a person. There are a lot of people out there who need to be super involved, and for different lengths of time or possibly forever! For you, maybe not - today you know that you're okay, but you don't know what tomorrow will bring. This is a dangerous place, comparing your program to others. I would stick to what works for you - internalize it - check it with you HP often and then think of the newcomer, and the impact your words have on that most important person/people in the room. It was idea's like this that allowed me to stay sick when I wasn't in a healthy enough place to be able to perceive this in a healthy way. I needed to swap 'addictions' for a while - and many others do too probably. I needed to obsess and do nothing but recovery for as long as I had been obsessing and doing nothing but drinking - and I mean NOTHING BUT DRINKING - and that was about 9 months for me. I appreciate the topic... lots to learn here. Welcome to MIP - so glad you're here!
-- Edited by justadrunk on Thursday 9th of May 2013 09:37:13 AM
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
My first six months in AA I went to a meeting everyday...Sometimes two or three. I needed that as I was working the ACTION part of the program...Clearing the wreckage of my past...Connecting with a Power greater than myself...And righting my wrongs to the best of my ability. I was promised that if I took these steps as they did...1-9....I wouldn't be fighting alcohol anymore....The problem wouldn't exist for me.
Page 84 and 85
And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone - even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality - safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition.
All I had to do is Precisely what they were showing me how to do.....They were not only kind enough to set down clear directions...They made promises that came true for me if I followed them. If that isn't enough...They tell me clearly what I need to do everyday to keep what I have....And that doesn't include how many meetings I have to attend....If I'm in a funk...I check back with these directions...
Pages 86 through 88
When we retire at night, we constructively review our day. Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid? Do we owe an apology? Have we kept something to ourselves which should be discussed with another person at once? Were we kind and loving toward all? What could we have done better? Were we thinking of ourselves most of the time? Or were we thinking of what we could do for others, of what we could pack into the stream of life? But we must be careful not to drift into worry, remorse or morbid reflection, for that would diminish our usefulness to others. After making our review we ask God's forgiveness and inquire what corrective measures should be taken.
On awakening let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. We consider our plans for the day. Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives. Under these conditions we can employ our mental faculties with assurance, for after all God gave us brains to use. Our thought-life will be placed on a much higher plane when our thinking is cleared of wrong motives.
In thinking about our day we may face indecision. We may not be able to determine which course to take. Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or a decision. We relax and take it easy. We don't struggle. We are often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for a while.
What used to be the hunch or the occasional inspiration gradually becomes a working part of the mind. Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God, it is not probable that we are going to be inspired at all times. We might pay for this presumption in all sorts of absurd actions and ideas. Nevertheless, we find that our thinking will, as time passes, be more and more on the plane of inspiration. We come to rely upon it.
We usually conclude the period of meditation with a prayer that we be shown all through the day what our next step is to be, that we be given whatever we need to take care of such problems. We ask especially for freedom from self-will, and are careful to make no request for ourselves only. We may ask for ourselves, however, if others will be helped. We are careful never to pray for our own selfish ends. Many of us have wasted a lot of time doing that and it doesn't work. You can easily see why.
If circumstances warrant, we ask our wives or friends to join us in morning meditation. If we belong to a religious denomination which requires a definite morning devotion, we attend to that also. If not members of religious bodies, we sometimes select and memorize a few set prayers which emphasize the principles we have been discussing. There are many helpful books also. Suggestions about these may be obtained from one's priest, minister, or rabbi. Be quick to see where religious people are right. Make use of what they offer.
As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action. We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day "Thy will be done." We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions. We become much more efficient. We do not tire so easily, for we are not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves.
It works - it really does
We alcoholics are undisciplined. So we let God discipline us in the simple way we have just outlined.
I don't need as many meetings as I did when I started....I was still fighting alcohol then....Will I continue to go to meetings the rest of my life?....I would say yes....I guess it would be like asking someone that goes to Church if they plan on going to Church the rest of their life....I get a lot out of them.
-- Edited by Stepchild on Thursday 9th of May 2013 01:11:48 PM
For myself...Living in steps 10 through 12 is my recovery. I get to meetings when I can...My problem is I like meetings...I can give back to the newcomer...And I learn from them. I don't consider this as an addiction...I consider it as a design for living...One day at a time. I got a second chance at life...I thank God for that.
The center of my life is God. AA is a great tool He uses to reach alcoholics like me and I stick close to it. There were people sitting at those tables when I struggled and got myself into the rooms. They showed me there is a solution with their experience, strength and hope. I attend meetings now to study the Big Book, The 12 & 12, and Came To Believe. I also attend speaker meetings so the stories of others keep my own story alive in me. I continue to attend meetings so the newcomer isn't sitting at the table alone. I couldn't have gotten sober that way and neither will they. It's a "we" program and I am a part of that "we". I have never regretted going to a meeting, not one single time. That's a huge sign I need to keep coming back. In addition, going through the steps more than once has deepened my self-awareness and makes me kinder, more loving, and serene. I owe all of that to God and this program, so I stay in close contact to both. :)
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I think there's an invisible principle of living...if we believe we're guided through every step of our lives, we are. Its a lovely sight, watching it work.
Welcome AA Viking, ... ... ... glad you found us ... glad you're here!
Stepchild wrote:
For myself...Living in steps 10 through 12 is my recovery. I get to meetings when I can...My problem is I like meetings...I can give back to the newcomer...And I learn from them. I don't consider this as an addiction...I consider it as a design for living...One day at a time. I got a second chance at life...I thank God for that.
Stepchild expressed my thoughts exactly ... ... ... AA doesn't have to be the center of my life, but I feel it needs to be an intregal part of it ... it is a way of life for me now ... and like Vixen, AA led me to God and He/She is what I call the 'center' of my life now ... and what a wonderful outlook on life I was given ...
Tasha mentioned 'balance' ... I think she is right also, 'balance' is the key to keep from slipping into 'obsession' ... obsession over any one thing can prove determental to our peace and serenity and our overall health, both physically and mentally ... ... ...
I think each person has different needs and the program becomes a part of their life in a way that fits them ... a 25 y/o with no spouse or kids has a very different life than a 40 y/o with a spouse and kids, and then there are those who are 60-70 y/o where life is vastly different than those I previously cited ... that's the beauty of the AA program of recovery, it can be molded to fit into the lives of virtually anyone who desires to be rid of the obsession to drink ...
Steps 10-12, like Stepchild said, have to be a part of what I do on a daily basis ... otherwise, I put my sobriety in jeopardy ... ... ...
Great topic!
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
In all the years I've been in the program, every single person I saw go out stopped or greatly curtailed their meetings. The way I look at it is, when I was active I spent around 6+ hours a day recovering from, getting ready for and actually drinking. One hour to attend a meeting is a mere drop in the bucket when you look at it that way. Maybe you will be the first person I've seen achieve this, good luck.
Yes, I too have heard the 'My life is too busy now' - 'I don't need to make AA the centre of my life', what I listen to is service, recovery and unity. I have to say that service is important to me, opening the door and playing my part. I had no problem becoming a slave to alcohol 24/7 so four or five hours a week does not seem that much to me. You see I can very quickly convince myself that I wasn't that bad and I am different now. Meetings make me face the reality of me at least four or five times a week and sometimes that is not enough either. I suppose I have watched several people go out lately, and yes they had lessened their meetings, and yes, the craziness of alcoholism came back and no I don't want that to happen to me.
Welcome the MIP forum. For me, AA my higher power and sobriety are the most important things in my life, I know without it everything else will fail.
I also was told that we get sober to become active participants in life, relationships and work. We don't get sober to hang out 24/7 in meetings and clubhouses, although if this is what it takes in the early going, it is better than death and destruction via alcohol.
I'm a business professional 53 yrs old, was sober @ 24. I think I spend more time on AA related things today than I did in my late 20's and 30's, beacuse I have a little more time and less family obligations etc, and I enjoy the people and program.
Balance is something we need to work out, I have always attended at least 2 meetings a week and stayed commited to a homegroup. I would suggest a book from Stephen Covey, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (you can download a free PDF online).
I don't wish to flame you, but to say you are grateful and then only attend meetings when you "have time", sounds ineffective. I was taught in AA that gratiude is also a verb, something we show through our actions. What if everyone at every homegroup only showed up from time-to-time? I'm a busy person also, I know today that I'm not that important, I need to take time to talk to the AA who calls and be at meetings for myself and the people I help.
Covey talks about the Production and Production Capability Balance (P/PC). Working out the priority of at least a couple meetings a week and being active in a group will help you in all areas of your life...it will help you get other things done and allow you to become a more accomplished person...not a lopsided person.
I know you are new in recovery and maybe want to try and make up for some lost time but please make sure you take the time to keep your own house in order and stay true to the values of AA and good things will come to pass.
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
Putting AA first really means putting AA principles first in all areas of our lives. Like Rob, I've been around a while and find myself much more active in meetings than I was during my 30s and 40s, and that is because I have more time and a get agreat deal of pleasure from my AA work.
For the first part of my sobriety I did lots of meetings, for fellowship and support, and there wasn't that much else going on in my life in any case. At 90 days I had also reached step 9 and had begun the life long practice of 10, 11 and 12. It is living those principles that keeps me in touch with God, who in turn keeps me free of the alcohol problem.
In practice, those principles require balance in my life. Through them my life began to grow and include other elements outside AA. Work, friends, wife, children, community. Participation in these also brings responsibility. It means that sometimes an AA meeting must take second place to, for example, looking after a sick child, "being" with my wife, putting in some extra time at work. "None of us make a full time vocation of this work " (helping alcoholics). But we are warned right at the beginning of the Big Book that working with others as our sponsors worked with us is essential to long term sobriety.
Lack of attendance at meetings is not a common symptom to all slips. I see plenty of people knock over 90 in 90 and then go drink. The common theme from my observation is failure to take the steps, learn the principals and practice them in all areas, and refusal to work with others.
I work upwards of 50 hours a week in a helping profession (therapist) and still make it to about 4 meetings a week and have 2 sponsees. I also have a partner, friends, church.... Basically, it's a busy life and there is not much idle time.
That being said, all I did was sit on my ass and drink for years. It did not just invade parts of my life. It took over my life pretty much completely.
I went through a similar phase as what you are talking about from 1 and a half years sober to about 3 years. I took some more graduate classes to get licensed in my field while working full time and the relationship I was in was also new and I didn't feel like I could date and engage in the relationship like I wanted if I had to go to meetings every evening (I since go to morning meetings mostly). Anyhow, AA never went out of the picture but I had to move forward in life and I knew where my home was. I slipped down to 1 or 2 meetings a week at the lowest, but kept calling my sponsor all the time.
At 4 years sober and change, I am now much more active in AA again. I am glad for it too. Even when I cut back meetings, I had a nagging feeling like I was not giving back the way I should (despite being a therapist and having a caseload full of needy kids). Someone else was there for me as a sponsor and to guide me through the steps and to listen to me every day. It felt ultimately wrong to not be available to do that for someone else. I heard countless times that I can't keep my sobriety unless I give it away.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
In the psychological profile of the alcoholic it is mentioned that I am a "risk taker". What that reminds me of is all of the times I did without thinking and so many of those times it was drinking without thinking. I've been in program for decades and I still do without thinking lots of times. I was 9 years alcohol free before coming into AA in another 12 step program and I learned alot which saved my life, mind, emotions and spirit. One of the things I learned was that Alcohol(ism)(ic) is cunning powerful and baffling and I already admitted that it was more cunning, powerful and baffling than I and then I came into the realization of my disease, this "compulsion of the mind...and allergy of the body" and the one part of my disease I had "yet" to experience in all it's fullness - relapse -. I take the program where ever I go...it is not a "part" of my life it is "the part" of my life from which I still have a life at all. I plan never to surrender my life to alcohol.
Like Pinkchip I am a former therapist in the recovery industry...I've had many clients who taught me the consequences of "part-timing" my recovery and since I already knew that there is no cure for my disease, part timing my recovery metaphorically is like a practice of Russian Roulette. I've already had unintentional hand to hand combat with alcohol which I came away without scratches and bruises thanks to my home group, fellowship and service to the program and my community.
With all you already know about alcoholism and your losses and participation in the disease...what else would you choose to have at the center of your life. AA is defined as a spiritually based, 12 step, social model recovery program. I've practiced EST, Psycho-cybernietics and organized religion...I continued to drink thru them all. One of these I still practice and it works well because I do not drink and apply the program to the practice of it...the surrender practice...the first three and last three steps. Marybe you don't want to apply the intitials AA to your life for some reason and want to stay completely anonymous...could be? I can tell you that many people in my life have asked me how I learned what I've learned to be able to handle life as I now do and very often my response doesn't include much more than "a different program of living". To others who openly have a problem with alcohol, I don't hide the fact that I am alive because of AA and it's program for life... Are you still a risk taker? Do you think you've ever been one? Do you believe that there will come a time when you can drink like others do; without risk of being swept away by it? Do you believe you are really alcoholic and have a compulsion (desire without thought) with an allergy?
What I learned about relapse from before the program; in the program; college...you never go back to where you started drinking...you go back to where you left off and that once started the compulsion will rush to do catchup with every drink I have not taken during my time of sobriety. Pappy mentioned it before of the member found dead with a bottle of expensive Scotch in his hand. How clean is your body now and how much of an alcohol shock can it stand and will your HP be there and able to freeze your hand?
Keep doing your sober research...The problem isn't the alcohol. Keep coming back.
My sobriety will always have to come before everything else and I happen to be a very capable lady who could "do" lots of things in the world most people Live in - if I want to try it...
but we need a life to apply AA to, also.
all your answers are in the Big Book. Look at page 19 For starters, but this inside is talked about all over the Book.
That is a question I am dealing with lately. One person in my group lives the AA program 24/7. He knows the book better than most, but unfortunately is judgmental of those who are able to stay sober just by coming to a few meetings a week without intensive BB study. The important thing is doing the amount of AA that you are ABSOLUTELY sure is sufficient to keep you sober. Sounds like a good thing to pray on to me.
