I woke up this morning happy that it was not yesterday. I had sort of a bad day yesterday. Dentist appointment with a major migraine afterwards...and it lasted all night long! No meeting and no gym!!!
So anyhow...I went about my day today returning uniforms to work...picking up my last paycheck and delivering my little son to play school. Things that are were going to be potentially very stressful. Throughout the day I found myself getting so frustrated with the smallest things. The bank...the traffic lights were taking too long...the people on the bus, and the list goes on and on.
By the time I picked up my son from school I was totally spent! I got home and had laundry, dinner and a little boy to entertain. I found myself feeling sorry for myself, angry and depressed. Once I had an opportunity to sit down and gather myself I thought out my feelings. Why am I so frustrated today? I am sober...I have made it one more day. I prayed all day long while running errands to not just run into the liquor store or grocery store and grab a quick fix to get rid of all of these emotions I was having. I should be happy, right?
It wasn't until I made dinner, a chicken salad that I realized that the little things in life are what makes life worth living. My son who is a notoriously picky eater decided to eat whatever I made tonight. And anyone that has a 5 year old must know that salad would not be the number one choice for dinner. But he sat there like a little man, didn't complain and just ate his dinner. It made me so happy! It made me think about all of the positive things that happened to me today.
I again was unable to attend a live meeting today which would really have put me in a foul mood but I was fortunate to have MIP. I just wanted to share how much I appreciate and how grateful I am for this site because of days like this when I needed really badly to share and listen to others like myself. It may be just the little things like dinner and being sober for another 24 hours to someone else but to me it meant the world today. I'm going to bed tonight with a very glad heart! Thanks to the members in the meeting tonight...I really enjoyed the topic.
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"Most people are not really free. They are confined by the niche in the world that they carve out for themselves.They limit themselves to fewer possibilities by the narrowness of their vision."
I love your share. This is the way you are going to have to reroute you thinking towards gratitude on a daily basis. GOOD JOB!!! We all catch ourselves being down and poopooing everything. Our natural sober state is "restless, irritable, and discontent" unless we work to maintain our spiritual connection and gratitude. Sounds like you worked it!
-- Edited by pinkchip on Wednesday 1st of May 2013 08:04:31 AM
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Wow! Thanks you guys! This was a great way to wake up this morning. I am so happy that I found people that can relate. It's like a huge burden has been lifted off my shoulders. Also gone is the constant fear of worrying that someone will catch me in a lie and I will force myself to into my best thinking mode! It's amazing what can happen when you open yourself a bit. I am feeling blessed that there are those of you that have children and know the tribulations that come with raising a child. Tasha you really hit home when you said that when you were the drunk you that you spent more time being silly and playing with the kids. You are so right! I definitely am not as fun as I was but I am starting to realize that I am concious to what it is that my son really needs to be doing. Constructive time opposite just playing on the IPAD all day. But yes, the 2.5 movies help, ALOT! lol I pray for peace within myself so that I may have patience with Aiden. It is hard but it is sounding like it is achievable! And today I am grateful...just for another day!
*consciousness
And Tasha, the day will come when your children succomb! LOL! I thought my Aiden's day would never come :)
-- Edited by evoliroc4178 on Wednesday 1st of May 2013 10:10:55 AM
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"Most people are not really free. They are confined by the niche in the world that they carve out for themselves.They limit themselves to fewer possibilities by the narrowness of their vision."
That's WONDERFUL Amanda! I'm so happy your son ate his salad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know EXACTLY how flippin happy I would be over something like that, and I'm happy just thinking that my day will come! LOLOL YOU have made my morning!
And on a recovery note.... lol.... yes, it is a matter of getting to a place of gratitude for the little things... opening our eyes to them... looking for signs our HP is throwing us a bone ; )
It's hard to keep your serenity with kids. There is just no way to have continued serenity that other people will talk about. I am lucky if I make it 3 hours with my kids. Usually that means that 2.5 of them was spent watching a move hehehehe.
We are different from the others without kids in recovery, and that's okay - we are just different like everybody else : )
It's good to find other moms who are recovering with young children and family. There are going to be parenting challenges, and that doesn't mean you're not doing your program. I was so ticked off the other day that I threw a shoe out the car window! BUTTTTTTTTTTT I did not raise my voice to my children - I clenched a smile - and thought of cinderella's voice - and life went on. If you have to throw a shoe sometimes... it's okay. Take the breaks you need to find out who YOU really are when you're NOT mom, and gauge your inner peace by that.
I have Loooooooong stretches with my kids now that are kid versions of the very same things we talk about in the rooms. It trickles down and becomes relevant in all aspects of life, and especially parenting. I am such a better mom, and really... not because I'm not a drunk mom. Because I'm a 'there' mom. I can be sober and less 'there' than when I was drinking. No one can understand but another parent, that the alcohol made it possible to sit on the floor for hours... answer the same questions over and over... get goofy and silly...
There was a long stretch (months) where I was just getting my insides better... so I could achieve this level of parenting while sober. I'm not nearly as fun as I used to be... and it's for less lengths of time... but it's true to me right now - today - and that's what matters. Maybe I'm not up for pitching 900 balls to my son like when I had a drink in hand, but I'll do 100 - and that's okay too. He see's me take time for me now... that's a good thing.
There is balance. I'm no longer super dooooooooooper mom, I'm just mom who is pretty even keel - not super awesome, then super sucky burnt out and crashed out mom (drunk). So... my dear friend... there is so much potential for us, and for our kids with recovery. It's 1000% better in the ways that it matters... the matters of the heart. The kids feel safe and loved, and they plenty of time with me still... less than before, but it truly is so much more real - and loving and they are calmer and getting healthy and healing and I'm watching it progress a little bit more every day. I'm actually believing they aren't screwed up for life these days... I'm believing that they are going to turn out to be remarkable people - and it's thanks to this program really : ) and faith in God.
SO glad you're here!
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Sounds like a good day to me Amanda! You stayed sober-not easy for an Alcoholic and you were available to care for your child. God even granted you the gift of that child not complaining about the meal set forth.
We all have to have a bad day once in awhile to realize when we have a good one. We'll see and appreciate the goods ones on a different level if we have a bad one thrown in once in awhile. It's the small things in recovery that mean so much to me too. Prior to recovery I was in search of all the big things in life, always disappointed because it was never enough. We suffer from a diesase of more, more and still more. Dis ease, dis content. Keep up the good work! An attititude of gratitude is always a beneficial foundation.
