I'm with you a 100% here ... when the meeting has started, THAT is the time for order in the house, or the floor, whatever ... that is the time to respect the nature of 'why we are there' ... if one or more of the participants are compelled to talk, out of turn, to another, then they should go outside the room so as to not interrupt the meeting in progress ... because it is just plain rude and distracting to others trying to get well and recover ...
Personally, if I were chairing, and knew this to be a problem in this particular group, I would issue a warning before discussions started, that anyone compelled to talk out of turn, will be asked to leave until they can respect the person who has the floor ... that this is only common courtesy to the one speaking, and that cross-talk is hurting someone else's chances to benefit from the meeting ... I would also mention that anyone having a 'burning desire' to speak and didn't get the opportunity, to stick around after the meeting, because there we be plenty of us around to pickup another conversation ... (the 'meeting' after the 'meeting') ...
Furthermore, I would ask that 'notes' not be pasted back and forth because this too, is distracting ... that if they needed to talk, they should come early and take care of issues, or stay after and take care of issues ... during the meeting is not the time nor place for that stuff ... again, it's only 'common courtesy' to others ...
-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Thursday 25th of April 2013 10:47:59 AM
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
My home group has been referred to by some other groups around here as the "AA Social Club", and at times it can be. People will sit and chit chat through a meeting, regardless of the fact that there is a meeting going on. When I chair, I've taken to asking that those who feel compelled to have these side coversations take them outside, as they are distracting to the meeting and to me as the chair. So far, it has worked ok, and no one has come up to me afterwards and said anything. It still happens a lot in other meetings I go to. Yesterday, a young woman who is fairly new in the program kept commenting on others shares, either during or after the share. I was thinking to myself, I wonder who her sponsor is, maybe they could explain to her about cross talk. Then she got up halfway during the meeting, grabbed a chair, and sat down between myself and another member. Ok, no problem. Until she started to have a conversation right there in the middle of the meeting, while someone else was sharing. I politely tapped her on the shoulder (her back was towards me) and reminded her that someone was sharing. Her reply was, "This is my sponsor", Mine was, "Perhaps you could talk to your sponsor outside or after the meeting". I could see the mad in her eyes, and honestly, I've never done this before, although I've wanted to many times, not with her, but with other members of the group. Her and her sponsor wrote notes back and forth for the rest of the meeting. Afterward the meeting was over, I thought about going up to this girl and explaining myself, justifying why I did what I did, but my gut told me no. Now a part of me feels like I did what should have been done to respect the meeting & the member sharing, and a part of me feels like I should have just minded my own business. Thoughts????
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I asked God for all things that I may enjoy life. He gave me life so that I may enjoy all things.
I agree with what Pappy said. When I open the meeting I always remind people to please refrain from talking while someone is sharing and to silence their cell phones and refrain from texting. If they do it anyway I tell them we are here for a meeting if they don't feel they need a meeting they can step out and talk all they want. If the get mad I let them know they were the one being rude. It doesn't happen often because everyone knows it won't be tolerated.
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Tell me and I'll forget. Teach me and I'll remember. Involve me and I'll learn.
My home group has been referred to by some other groups around here as the "AA Social Club", and at times it can be. People will sit and chit chat through a meeting, regardless of the fact that there is a meeting going on. When I chair, I've taken to asking that those who feel compelled to have these side coversations take them outside, as they are distracting to the meeting and to me as the chair. So far, it has worked ok, and no one has come up to me afterwards and said anything. It still happens a lot in other meetings I go to. Yesterday, a young woman who is fairly new in the program kept commenting on others shares, either during or after the share. I was thinking to myself, I wonder who her sponsor is, maybe they could explain to her about cross talk. Then she got up halfway during the meeting, grabbed a chair, and sat down between myself and another member. Ok, no problem. Until she started to have a conversation right there in the middle of the meeting, while someone else was sharing. I politely tapped her on the shoulder (her back was towards me) and reminded her that someone was sharing. Her reply was, "This is my sponsor", Mine was, "Perhaps you could talk to your sponsor outside or after the meeting". I could see the mad in her eyes, and honestly, I've never done this before, although I've wanted to many times, not with her, but with other members of the group. Her and her sponsor wrote notes back and forth for the rest of the meeting. Afterward the meeting was over, I thought about going up to this girl and explaining myself, justifying why I did what I did, but my gut told me no. Now a part of me feels like I did what should have been done to respect the meeting & the member sharing, and a part of me feels like I should have just minded my own business. Thoughts????
Either course of action sounds reasonable. Pick one and go with it.
Perhaps you are looking for the "perfect solution" to the problem you encountered. It isn't there.
Overall, based on your description of the "Club," there is probably a cultural problem that allows and encourages behavior such as you found objectionable. If the problem is not addressed at the group level (not just the meeting level), it will not change. Nothing you did yesterday will change the culture of the grou, er, "Club."
You are just doing your job and service to the group. I like it when the chairperson does what they are supposed to do. It might not have been a bad thing to explain yourself to the new person after the meeting since she was new, but you where there and had a better feel for the situation.
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
