I've heard many people say that they feel unsettled coming up on a year sober. I dunno if I feel unsettled, or proud, or dissappointed that 'all my dreams' haven't come true, or what. I feel good, but that makes me nervous. Haha- ive Never felt good. It's like, ok- my first day of sobriety I remember (aside from horrendous physical withdrawals) thinking-'ok, I'm finally going to be what I've always wanted to be'. Notice the 'what'. At that point in time, the 'what' was a grad student, a great wardrobe, looking better than ever, tons of friends, no worries about $, not a blemish on my skin with a perfect body. Obviously I was focusing on the wrong things lol. But I had to focus on something. Not many of these things have been acquired....aside from the wardrobe, that left me without a penny in the bank an a greed that got me fired from my job 7 months in. So what do I have? A relationship with my HP that is pretty strong, a handful of wonderful women that I can share my insanity with and they like me despite it, a roof over my head, enough love for myself to not want to commit suicide on a daily basis, a job, an eating habit that requires eating daily- not a couple meals a week. How about dignity, respect for others, how about giving a s**t about others and myself? That's ok. There's no 'great! 1 year... Heres your diploma!'. 1 year isn't the finish line. Im not like the oracle of sobriety I thought I would and should be. But, man, it feels pretty good anyway:)
True, there is no diploma, however, 1 year puts you in an elite group in my book ... as you well know, going a year without a drink is not easy ... ... ... and you're close to proving 'it CAN be done' ... I'm sure the statistics show only about 6 to 8 % succeed this far, if that ... ... ... just think, of recent new-comers to your AA group there, only 1 out of ten will make it ...
The last time someone told me to 'go to Hell', I just said 'no thanks', I've already been there, ... got the T-shirt and the scars to prove it ... that's exactly what my last 'detox' was like ... I still have to recall that day and time and consider if I'm willing to give up what I have now to go back to that ... Today? ... no way in hell ... life may not be what I want just yet either, but it's a damn sight better than my drinking days ... and I have noticed all the promises coming true (pages 83&84) slowly for me, but coming true none-the-less ... ... ...
Wouldn't trade one day sober for two drunk ones ... sober's where it's at!!!
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I foresee the fur flying everywhere Tom ... ... ... Nope, I agree we got a couple of keepers here with Col and Tasha ... I'd hug'em if I could ... ... ... ((((HUGS))))
I feel for you Tom ... ... ... But I just can't reach ya from here ... you need help! ... LOL
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
While I was on the computer yesterday, my wife had the TV on 'Family Feud' in the background ... ... ... I heard a guy say that he and his wife had been married fifty years ... he said it was a great marriage ... he said on their 25th anniversary he took his wife to China to celebrate ... then he said, I think this year, I'll go back and pick her up ... LMAO
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Wow! ... that's more like 'Ninja' cat ... ... ... Wouldn't want to get in the middle of that ... this is when you just back off, slowly ... when the claws come out, that's when Pappy simply just goes and hides ... I had a cat that used to attack me when I tried to sing ... I'm certainly not 'Idol' material, that's for sure ... LOL
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
