My partner and I went out to a gathering and it was a party for someone at a restaurant. I thought "Cool. A dinner thing. Sounds nice." Okay, so we get there and they are waiting for an hour to seat us and I don't know the reason, but in that time all that is going on is people slamming mojitos and acting stupid. I can actually go out to a club and have fun but one thing I cannot stand is like a "happy hour" environment. I can go to clubs cuz it's not like sitting at a bar and I dont' hang with people slamming drinks. I told my partner that if we didn't get seated and start eating soon, I would have to leave because the situation was hellish. Not hellish like "I have to drink or feel like drinking" but just annoying like "I can't stand to watch this, be around it, and this is stupid." Even drinking mojitos...really? I would be pissed at my alcohol having foliage in it!
I'm not sure if my reaction is as good as it gets. I guess I'm glad I know when I'm reaching my limits, but I like to think I can go anywhere if my motives are good. I guess just cuz I "can" doesn't mean I want to right? Thankfully the mojito slamming ended about 5 minutes after I told my partner I was going to have to go if we didn't stop the whole "happy hour" routine. It then progressed to dinner where I could at least eat and didn't feel all weird. A "happy hour" scenario is one that seems 100 percent alcohol focused and it irritated me more than any gathering/situation with alcohol in quite some time. It took me by surprise cuz I haven't had to do the "I'm going to have to leave here" thing in a long time.
__________________
Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Yeah, that's the eternal question. Is the drinking just part of socializing, or is the socializing an excuse to drink? I wish there was a way to tell beforehand.
__________________
Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's, and unto God that which is God's.
I went out with an old school friend (well, actually, we've been bff since we were 4 lol). We lived together in college and she was a bigger party animal than me. She got preggo and super heavy and stopped drinking during the first year. She has never really drank much that I've seen since. So going out with her has always been things like eating out, shopping, pedi's, whatever.
This year she had gastric bypass surgery, and got very thin. We went shopping and out to eat after that last night. She ordered two tall mixed drinks - I suppose the equivalent to long island iced teas, and literally chugged them down. I never even seen her do that back in the day. So it was strange, and she didn't even seemed buzz. Even I couldn't slam two of those in my worst most alcohol tolerant days and not be visibly buzzed.
So it really bothered me first of all that her and her husband were all about the drinking thing last night - and secondly, I was concerned for her in a 'fellow alcoholic' way. I dunno - but it was the first time in my sobriety where I just wanted to eat and get out of there. Normally hanging out in restaurants where people are drinking doesn't bother me. It hit me out of the blue, and I was grateful to be headed to the speaker meeting... until my sponsor dropped my heart into a pit of lava and watched it burn with no expression on her face or even care... sorry for trailing off.
__________________
Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
I would be pissed at my alcohol having foliage in it! LOL Mark!! sobriety humor.
I also have built up prejudices from within my recovery experiences. I judged my drinking thoughts, feelings, behaviors inside of the rooms and then and then I exercise my pride and ego without the lubrication. Be glad that you have that margin now between what you did then and don't do now. I like the boundary setting, decision making and the willingness to follow thru part cause for me that shortens the martyr training. I use to love to drink and stew on the poor me's before I found recovery...I felt larger than life then and there was no spot light bright enough to announce my presence. Rather than leave I would drink and take over. I don't drink at all...now...many others do and many without the dire life threatening consequences I use to have. I now know that alcohol is a mind and mood altering chemical and I should not ever imbibe with it and many others do not hold that same awareness while others do and drink over it. It doesn't matter cause I allow myself the simplest of solutions today for what ever is going on...Do I stay or...Do I go and then without loss of serenity...follow thru.
"No one has the power to disturb your peace of mind and serenity...without your participation" So how was the meal? (((hugs)))
The food part made up for the sucky happy hour thing. Thankfully appetizers started flowing just like those mojito pitchers and I was all about that. OINK!
__________________
Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I guess this is where, as recovering alcoholics, we differ ... ... ... Assuming I am in fit spiritual condition, going out to a place like you described is like going to a show, for me ... I see it as 'entertainment' ... lets bring out the alcoholics now and get this show started ... I have no problem watching others make a fool of themselves when they drink ... I love to be able to sit back and shake my head at the 'tipped over' glass, the stumble to get to ones feet, the comment made that makes no sense, etc. ... ... ... I then shake my head and think, was I that sick??? ... ... ...
This also gives me a face to visualize as I say my prayers for these poor souls before I go to bed ...
Oh, foliage in my drink ??? ... Nope, don't want anything in there that might be 'healthy' ... LOL
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I have to say... I had the best mojitos in Cuba, staying at someone's house and she would pick the mint fresh from the garden. These days I think fresh mint in ice water would be delicious! With a bit of lime? Sounds good.
When I went to a hockey tournament last month 2 of the nights I closed up the hotel bar just talking with friends and having fun watching people but 1 of the nights it seemed everyone was just out of control. Bumping into me, spilling drinks, falling down, unable to have a conversation. It was chaos. I had to leave. Not because I wanted to drink or was angry, just because I don't fit in that situation anymore. It's tedious.
That was the first time I had been around drinkers since I soberted up. The smell of all that beer really made me want to.............................go to a fish fry! Craved fish all weekend!
Yes, I understand the situation. I can got to a place where there is drinking etc, if there is a game on eating or some relatively sober people to talk with.
It seems at the beginning of the event or party etc everyone who drinks is interested in getting the buzz on and then things settle down a bit if there is food. It's the same drill at almost every event, so you either don't go or learn to roll with it. Getting mad or aggravated at a situation we can't control isn't the best action. Putting our program to work is...that means changing what you can.
I guess telling your partner you want to leave is one option, rolling with it is another. I have been known to just walk outside and just relax or strike up a conversation with someone normal, there are usually other non- drinkers out there.
I remember a number a tough situations out with customers, we ended up at the "shoe show" till 2:00 am one night. I had to drive them back, so I couldn't leave. I ended up spending 1/2 the night talking to the cop in the parking lot
-- Edited by Rob84 on Monday 15th of April 2013 09:44:04 PM
__________________
Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
Hey PC, I know your situation. I also appreciate the drunks not realizing that the food is on the table so I can maximize the expensive platters well in advance of their inebriated minds! Tom
__________________
"You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around."
Yeah I get what you mean. It's not tempting, it's boring or even irritating. Perhaps yours is a sane and normal reaction. My non alcoholic partner would feel the same as you and me and would not hang around without a very good reason.
We now live in a marina and have joined a very social yacht club. Once a week we head to the bar for the weekly prize draw. There are a lot of boozers there and it is interesting to pick out the hard drinkers and the alcoholics. But in terms of social contact, there are a good number (the majority) of normal folk there who are friendly and interesting and we get to talking about our common interests - boats and travel. They don't drink much, but they are very nice people to be around. We both enjoy ourselves in their company.
Do I stay or...Do I go and then without loss of serenity...follow thru. - Jerry
Such words of wisdom Jerry. Last year at my hubbys work Christmas party, I stayed to late. I was hesitant to go in the first place as I knew most of them would be drunk, including my husband. All in all I handled it really well right up to the end, until a drunk secretary stumbled up and made a comment about my hubby not normally being this quiet when she's been drinking with him in the past. That went down like a tonne of bricks. Guess it did get me to leave pretty quickly though.
In my few years of sobriety, I've been in a few social situations where heavy drinking was involved, and my reaction is similar to Pappy's: I'm mildly amused. Sometimes I think, "Yeah, I'll see you guys in a meeting some day." I find it hard to be judgmental, because I had a blast drinking alcohol, so I know how good it feels. It worked like a charm. Until it didn't.
What I don't care for is clamor, however, whether it's drunken or not. So I tend to excuse myself around boisterous, obnoxious persons. Speaking of which, I love my children, but sometimes I really look forward to bedtime. :)
__________________
The sway of alcohol over mankind is unquestionably due to its power to stimulate the mystical faculties of human nature, usually crushed to earth by the cold facts and dry criticisms of the sober hour. ---William James
