10.   I Hate Every Bone in Her Body But Mine

  9.   I Ain't Never Gone To Bed with an Ugly Woman But I Woke Up With A Few

  8.   If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me

  7.   I've missed You, But My Aim's Improvin'

  6.   Wouldn't Take Her to A Dogfight 'Cause I'm Scared She'd Win

  5.   I'm So Miserable without You It's like You're Still Here

  4.   My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend and I Miss Him

  3.   She Took My Ring and Gave Me the Finger

  2.   She's Lookin' Better with Every Beer

And the Number One Country & Western song is...

  1.  It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed My Ass All Day.