I just finished watching the avengers, and there is a line where the Hulk is about to face a monster and captin america says to him , now would be a time to get angry, and the hulk replies thats my secret i'm always angry.
I think this is a better line from the Hulk:
-- Edited by turninggrey on Saturday 13th of April 2013 05:50:48 PM
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"You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around."
I just finished watching the avengers, and there is a line where the Hulk is about to face a monster and captin america says to him , now would be a time to get angry, and the hulk replies thats my secret i'm always angry.
I needed to get this on paper, i am two very differn't people.
person a : is an artist , lover of the small thing, I love having love in my life , I love reading and learning, talking about growing as a person.
person b: thinks hes a rock star and acts like it.
I went to this morning aa meeting online, I really enjoyed it I really apperciated what Tasha and Ruby had to say. I also apperciated the meeting itself, I guess i'm really feeling torn they where asking me some really good questions.
I really like person A, I also really like person B, I know person B has to go , i'm just finding the break up hard. for some reason I think I can balance both of them.
Yeah, Murray, it was a good meeting. And we did ask some tough questions, but it's not meant to embarrass you in anyway; it's how we get to know you better. I hope you enjoyed the meeting as much as we did.
I guess all of us have moments like these; moments where sober logic and self determination collide. We get so caught up in the moment that we forget what's really important. I just happened to be one of those people. I nearly lost everything including my wife of 10 years, but after some healthy discussions and a lot of help from my sober network, I finally found a connection that does work. It took over 25 years and a host of reoccurring relapses before I got that message and I know you will too. Onward.
Murray, I can so identify. I was so angry in early sobriety. I was so angry I was an alcoholic, so angry I couldn't drink, so pissed off I couldn't control myself.
In the big book, it says we are like Jekyl and Hyde and for me that was so true. I loved drinking because it got rid of my inhibitions, so I could be that wild and crazy person. What I'm finding in sobriety is that I have a lot more room to be myself in many different ways. I can be wild and crazy but in a good way! My confidence is growing and I feel I can express myself more.
I know you feel bad now, but the good news is that there is a solution.
Yes- I, too, can identify. When drinking, the only time I expressed emotion was when very drunk. When I got sober, I had no idea as to what to do with emotions. I was a very angry person. I did not realize that I was a ticking time bomb- tension and anger always right below the surface waiting for an excuse to be unleashed. It gets better- it truly does:)
thanks everyone, i'm really fortuniate to be able to be honest with you guys . Since you understand where i'm comming from and i don't have to bottle it up.
i just had a small memory of what a friend of mine said to another good friend of mine, I had just meet him for the first time, I guess it was two years ago now. He told my other friend just wait , when he has a couple of drinks hes becomes superman .
It's funny you should mention the hulk - that is what my son called me when I finally realized he 'knew' and I was 2 different people - and the jig was up and I was at my bottom.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
You can still act like a rock star if you want. It just can't be one of those tragic ones like Kurt Cobain or Amy Winehouse... You can still light up a room, be talkative, be the life of the party (when you feel ready to go to them and not be triggered or at a nondrinking party). You can still be popular and high profile if that's for you. What you don't know yet is that there are people like that who that is just part of their personality and it's not fake or an act and it's not substance induced.
Anger results largely from us trying to be someone who we aren't. Perhaps you are that magnanimous (sober) rock star type of person. It will take more time and self discovery to find out which of your personality assets are true and come from deep within and which ones may have been put ons. Similar to how working the steps will also tell you what defects you have as well.
You don't need to give up any parts of your personality that are natural. Keeping it in balance and keeping it real are necessary.
Sometimes I want to sit at home with a book or watch TV and not get dressed. At other times I put on my clubwear and feel like dancing and going out til early morning. Whatever. I don't have to drink or use drugs to do either and both can fit under the realm of me being myself. The "party monster" did have to take a break for about 2 years and it's still much more subdued than the "trainwreck drunk party monster" but it's all good.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Hey M. I feel you. Ask yourself this: Are you an introvert sober and an extrovert drunk? I was. As an introvert, I would rather keep to myself. When I drank, I really did become a....if not a "Rock Star",......I became "The star of the show" The life of the party. For awhile. It is like watching Robin Williams. It works for awhile. Your situation may be different, but let Bruce Banner rule for awhile and get to like his quiet qualities and sober thought and the peace of not having the responsibility of having the starring role. Since the Hulk will always be part of you, just let the good parts out without alcohol. Bruce Banner was hit with Gamma Rays. He is unable to control his Hulk. You are lucky because you must drink alcohol to go "Full Hulk". I bet Bruce Banner would gladly swap places with you, because all you need to do is stay away from booze, AND you are in a proven program that works 24 hours a day! Tom
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"You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around."
As much as I'm really disappointed with myself for drinking on friday, I have to take it as I eye opener, I had the excat same cycle of events, that always happens when i drink, in a very short period of time.
I talked to my sponser today and even though she was upset with me she is supportive.
Resentment is the #1 Offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stem all forms of spiritual disease.
This is why we have the 12 steps, to work through these issues. The directions are in AAs Big Book and there are lots of people who have done them who can guide you through it.
Yeah I'm feeling alot of resentment now, but like I said it was an eye opener. My one problem is me, and the other problem is my one friend. I know what I have to do. I really cannot be friends with this person and stay sober. He is one my close friends which makes it hard. I had avoided him for almost three weeks then I hang back out with him and I loose control. I know he didn't pour the drink down my throat, but he is a bad influance for sure. I'm sick of my life feeling like the movie ground hog day.
If your looking at yourself as two different people, try to split them up, not as person a, and person b, ... but rather the old person that you used to be and the new person you wish to be ... you've heard that you can't eat your cake and have it too ... well you can't be both persons at the same time either ... what I suggest you do, is finally make a choice, then follow-up on making your choice a reality ... you are smart enough to figure this out ...
There is only one choice available for you, and you are the only one that gets to make it ... it's really quite simple, Are you going to go 'our way of life', --OR-- are you going to go 'your way of life' ???
If you say 'I don't want to do either one', like I did, then you have to think, I didn't ask what you 'wanted to do', I'm asking what 'are you going to do' ... ... ... until your pain with alcohol use 'out-weighs any pleasure', ... ... ... you are screwed ... you will need to become willing to do anything necessary to gain the life we live ... it's open for you to walk in and do so ... again, your choice ...
You're talking to some hopeless cases here on this board, if we can make the right choice, so can you, the only thing preventing you , is you ...
Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
