It might be the flu or whatever.  It started coming on this morning just as I was waking up.  I needed support to stand without wavering back and forth and I had a cup of coffee and felt better; got my truck and made it to my home meeting.  God can I be more greatly blessed than what has been given to me with this AA by the Bay family group?  I know not.  I listened and while doing that inventoried my condition mind, body, spirit and emotions.  Along with what is taking residence in my body as a physical ailment I was reliving my past in the disease and my present in the program.   My past is playing apart in my anxiety over not "changing the things I can" regarding taking the police and a whole group of others to court for the assault on 11/8/11.  When I left the meeting I approached my Higher Power again with the simple request...please help on what ever level I need it.   

This is a review of my old alcoholic personality without the alcohol...the personality about "not rolling over" for anyone wanting to apply power and control in my life "just because".  I have never done that even regarding this life threating disease ...I didn't roll over for it while I fought it and continued to drink alcoholically until the day I stopped because I took responsibility for my drinking.  "I don't rollover" is a part of my personality even though my early sponsors told me "what's to loose by letting it go".  Fear tells me that if I do that I offer permission for it to happen again.  I've been harassed most of my adult life by the police.  There have been times when I stepped up and said "I own that and I own the consequence" because honesty makes the noise and pain go away faster however when it hasn't been my fault and it is plainly for me unjust I don't roll over, I stand straight up and don't bend.   The last assault by two police officers while 8 others stood in audience was the same...they wanted me to roll over and yell uncle...I don't know how to do that when it isn't appropriate and now I am left with the consequences body, mind and emotions.   My spirit is intact that core part of me where my principles reside while I need direction about "changing the things I can" regarding how I continue on with the courts and police and local government.  I isn't simple for me...I am missing some previous support by the courts and judicial system which stepped up with me against "public service"...that happened before I found AA and the Family Groups.  I need to advocate this now with new support while keeping my voice loud..."This is not okay and it needs to be right".   It deeply involves my culture which is fighting for it's own freedom from assault, harassament and imprisoned values and freedom.   During you day should you remember please say to your individual HPs..."Please help him".   I mahalo you all if you do that.   (((hugs))) 

Why is it good that I am physically sick?  Less fire to get burned with.  Too tired to sharped my sabers...for now.