This was a topic in a recent meeting I went to. I thought about it and realized that I have bought into being a much more regimented and structured person. This was so far from the case when I was actively drinking. I did not adhere to schedules, had a chronic lateness problem, was always passively-aggressively "forgetting" to do things I didn't really want to do. I spent inordinate amounts of time laying around on my arse sleeping off hangovers and couldn't ever really plan anything cuz either consciously or subcounsiously I new drinking would wind up interfering with whatever plans I made so I made sure every weekend and most evenings were open for drinking and passing out. If I had an engagement on the weekend I took that as a personal assault on my "me time" which was really my "drinking time."
Life is different now. I work out on a schedule, feed and care for pets on a schedule, see clients on a schedule, get my car tuned on a schedule... I guess this is what normal people do huh? Who knew. I sure didn't.
I also don't fret responsibilities on weeknights and/or weekends. Life doesn't stop on the weekend or as soon as I get "off work" like I thought or acted before. Hence, now I can work out in my free time. I can do some work on weekends and get other tasks done. It's not all about me acting angry and put upon when asked to do anything other than drinking or laying around which is all I ever did for years and years and years when not working. I also am more regimented and get so much more done at work too because I never have "down days" due to being majorly hungover at work. I literally used to sleep in the family room or at my desk when I was recuperating from hangovers. Due to that, I have become a far better employee. Again, who knew? I didn't think I had a "work problem" since I never drank at work, but my lack of discipline outside and my alcoholism was definitely creeping in...big time.
I also work out on schedule too and that's something I could never do before. I couldn't adopt any hobby cuz guess what would always consume that hobby? I had only one hobby before that trumped everything and that was drinking. If I miss working out a day, it's similar to missing meetings - I don't want to wind up saying "Oh, I will work out one less time this week - it's okay." Then next week it will be one more missed work out and then I will be sitting there all sad cuz I'm fat and out of shape and "what happened!!! Wahhh!" Pretty similar to what would happen if I dwindled down to no meetings.
So...my point is that I know I'm pretty regimented, routine, and self-disciplined now. The downside, this is all pretty new still to me. I haven't fully found balance yet. Sometimes I burn the candle at both ends and I don't know how to relax and just sit still with myself. I know I'm drastically drastically different from the suffering slothful person I was, but still a work in progress. I don't need to be the energizer bunny either. Anyone relate? Perhaps some of you old-timers can tell me when you regained an ability to settle down more or if this is one of those changes for me that is gonna just have to stick cuz it's so much better than how I used to be.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
LOL!! Funny as hell cause just after I thought about how my life and time are not well managed (inbetween the AFG board and this) I open up this page and right there is the solution to my problem... Thanks Mark!!
but still a work in progress....Progress not perfection is the boundary on this for me. Relapse is real so I have to deal with it. I know that part of the tap root of this apathy and procrastination that I am going thru is the consequence of a trauma event from 2011. I'm still dealing with that...it's getting better over time.
Thanks for the "heads up" on the solution. Must have gotten a spiritual nudge huh?
Wife just watched this about an hour ago. She said that it was good so I watched it. Kelly is involved in my wife's "Sounds True" program. I thought it was good.
Mark, I can so identify! My schedule was similar to yours when drinking - didn't drink at work but my time spent there was filled with nursing a hangover, and I'd be counting the hours before I even walked in the door til my next drink. I was 'out sick' or with 'family emergencies' increasingly often. Now- I'm still trying to find balance, but it's getting a bit easier. My life is still very much in the stick to the basics stage- establishing a normal sleep schedule, remembering to eat regularly, basic time management. It's tough! I was so off the path of any sort of 'normal' life. I work nights, and used that to excuse my non-existent time management skills. Now that I'm no longer working 18 hour days (blessing in disguise) I was initially overwhelmed with the prospect of not having my work schedule take up all of my days. Today? I went to a morning meeting with a friend, then went shopping for groceries, and am back home eating lunch and chilling before my home group meets tonight. Simple, basic... But a world away from how I used to live. I'd be sitting in a dark dive bar completely wasted by now but continuing to drink. I love my new simple, easy, boring life!! Love it.
Okay....hmmmm My HP must have left a Post-it regarding this somewhere because HP thinks I need focus and additional work on the subject. It was mostly the subject of my morning home group. Self....discipline....hmmm that self means me right? and discipline means a quality of behavior? yes? no? I think yes...gonna do a 10th C U Later. (((hugs)))
I think the key to these changes we all go through is getting enough rest ... ... ...
When we sober up we become more active ... this is natural considering what we've put ourselves through ... I began to reflect on all the time I had wasted and somehow I was trying to 'make-up' for all that had passed me by ... That will not work ... we will never regain all that lost productivity, the time lost that could have been spent with family, that time we could have spent learning new skills, etc. ... ... ...
What helped me in my first few years is the old acronym HALT ... it helped me 'BALANCE' things out ... as long as I go to meetings, keep up my sobriety routine, so to speak, and never allow my self to get tooo ... Hungry ... Angry ... Lonely ... or Tired, THEN 'balance seemed to become a part of my recovery just as everything else ...
Love you guys, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I haven't fully found balance yet. Sometimes I burn the candle at both ends and I don't know how to relax and just sit still with myself. I know I'm drastically drastically different from the suffering slothful person I was, but still a work in progress. I don't need to be the energizer bunny either. Anyone relate? Perhaps some of you old-timers can tell me when you regained an ability to settle down more or if this is one of those changes for me that is gonna just have to stick cuz it's so much better than how I used to be.
We alcoholics are undisciplined. So we let God discipline us in the simple way we have just outlined. Page 88 in the Big Book talking about prayer and meditation.
I think you are probably doing just fine. Not sure if we will ever find perfect balance, but I think the 11th step time of prayer and meditation is helpful in alerting us if we become way out of balance. Just pay attention to your mind and body and realign when necessary, life is full of ebbs and flows.
I can relate to never settling down or relaxing much, I think early in recovery I felt the need to make up for time lost while drinking. One thing I have done right is keeping sobriety and my program Important, without it none of the other things are possible.
I do relax and take more "down time" now, I think it has more to do with getting older (53) than anything else. That said, in the last few months I have increased my workouts from 3 days to 5-6 days a week and I'm back to close to the same strength I had when I was 30.
I think time at the gym is great and I always see a few people from the meetings there. I have a sponcee who just got his certification to teach cross-fit, so proud of him.
Keep up the good work and we might have to change your avatar to "buffchip"
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
