Hi everyone...My name is Phil..and Im an alcoholic
When this site started up...many moons ago...? It was responsible for keeping this guy sane...for many day...
To top it off...I met a lot of freinds here...and we shared and cared for each other daily..
If youve been in AA for a while? I can share with you..that things havent changed out there...I know....Ive been trying to control it all for the last 3 years...Thats after having 22 years in this program...and even after 22 years...the insanity set in...and I gave in to it..
And yes..I slacked off....and Yes..I quit going to meetings...so....That pretty well answers it in a nutshell...
I come here to day....with my last drink...being at 6pm last night...and I went to my first meeting...in a long time...last night
A few days ago...a great lady freind..ended our relationship...all over a stupid verbal reaction...on my part..The book is right...A few harsh words can end a relationship for life..
Being the emotional sick person that I am..I have sent numerous emails to..to no avail..No response
After 2 years...I moved into her small town...and a nice apartment..2 weeks ago...so I could be closer to her..and started a little taxi business on my own..to fill in the spaces..
Now Im stuck....There is no her....and I know noone here...
The dishonest part about it? She thought that I was still sober...all this time...and still thinks that..so I guess as an alky...I hid it well...We are good at it...
Today? Im sick emotionally...mentally...and physically...I dont know which is worse...The obsession to drink..or the Obsessing over a relation...I guess it goes hand in hand...
All I know for sure right now....Is my getting sober and staying sober...starting today...hasta come first..
And I need every bit help that I can grab....Thanks Phil
Welcome Home Phil! Yes, it has been years, but you were never forgotten on this end. I hope you'll just hang tight with us here, and remember... you only have to do this sobriety thing one day at a time.. the rest will fall in place if you are doing what you should be. Sounds like you are.
Hey Phil wow, this is weird. I went back and started reading posts from day one on this board, and got through many years worth of your posts! I was always so inspired by them, and I sought them out specifically - assuming you're the same phil that was just phil - but either way - welcome back and wow! I was hoping you would come back to this board even though I never met you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! COOOOOOOOOOlllll so cool. Glad you made it back with a bit of honesty and humble beginnings... what more could we really ask for! You're an inspiration already!
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
The dishonest part about it? She thought that I was still sober...all this time...and still thinks that..so I guess as an alky...I hid it well...We are good at it...
Today? Im sick emotionally...mentally...and physically...I dont know which is worse...The obsession to drink..or the Obsessing over a relation...I guess it goes hand in hand...
All I know for sure right now....Is my getting sober and staying sober...starting today...hasta come first..
And I need every bit help that I can grab....Thanks Phil
Hi Phil, ... Welcome back ... ... ...
Relationships and drinking don't mix ... ... ...at some point, drinking will disolve any relationship you may have ... well, any relationship worth having ... ... ...
I believe I'm safe in saying you know what to do ... 90-in-90 and to get started on the steps all over again ... your story is the same as mine, I went back to try some controlled drinking again and didn't make it back for another 13 years ... This time for me, I had to make sure that I didn't glaze over steps 2 & 3 ... ... ... I said and did what I thought the group wanted me to say and do, but I never meant it, I just always wished some magic wand would pass over me and I'd be okay ... This time was different, I knew if I returned to the hole I was digging, someone may as well just fill it in with me left in the bottom ...
You are SO CORRECT in saying that sobriety MUST come first before all else ... ... ... Without sobriety, we destroy everything in our path ... Without sobreity, you will NEVER have a meaningful relationship ...
Love ya man and God Bless,
Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Yup it is said that Complacency is the enemy of those with substantial time free from active addiction. If WE are complacent too long the recovery process ceases..which leads us back to ,what WE will do different this time?Relapse,though never good,is not the shame the shame is not making it back even as many of my own posse didn't....Thanks for the message and reminder that WE suffer from an uncurable illness but WE do recover ,a day at a time , its no magic bullet, takes work ,guidance from a Power greater than ourselves and the HOW (honesty,openmindedness and willingness of our deisre to stop drinking(using alcohol)We sometimes ,without our conscious knowledge may hold reservations in our program(places we have reserved for relapse)E.G. may think we can retain a small measure of control in areas of our drinking,, think certain parts of our program don't really apply to us,something we may think we could never get thru without using if we struggle with a failed relationship, face death of a loved one and so on...Its a real internal look(inside job) to ensure we are addresing any of these issues within ourselves thru awareness,support,sharing, and that guidance from your HP.as you are doing etc.You definitely know the drill and look forward to your ESH and again thank you for the awareness that ours is a life long process whether you accept recovered,recovered in recovery a day at a time or as myself and others I know feel in remission that takes place everyday remaining in that fit spiritual condition....Welcome home brother,in support and prayer!!
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Aloha Phil and your seat was never given up. My elder sponsor told me that you never loose it once you learn it and use it and that program becomes pressure mentally, emotionally and spiritually and physically. The head full of AA and the belly full of beer. You left for a while and the fellowship kept the light on and your higher power encourages us to do that. Whether you live in here or die out there is your choice and a more painful one once you have experienced sober living. Now you have the experiences of the relapser and those are the people I listen to and need to listen to because it is my "yet" to unwillingly want to experience. Teach me you're the tool.
Hey Phil, glad to see you back in here. . I'll be making a drive through Columbia, SC on my way to Boone, NC in about a week, to open up the mountain home for the spring. We had a warm winter here in FL. It'll be nice to get back up in the hills. Still snowing up your way, do you have an all wheel drive taxi?
glad ya made it back to remind me what its like. i got a broken memlory machine and need a reminder every now and then that1) alcohol is still kickin ass, and 2) it gets worse.
things i have heard in my short time from people that go back out: i quit going to meetings i quit talking to my sponsor and other sober people i quit praying i made a human my higher power
. I'll be making a drive through Columbia, SC on my way to Boone, NC in about a week, to open up the mountain home for the spring. We had a warm winter here in FL. It'll be nice to get back up in the hills. Still snowing up your way, do you have an all wheel drive taxi?