I was trying to explain to my wife recently the difference between her method of drinking and mine. My wife is someone who is perfectly capable of coming home from work, having a glass of wine to de-stress, and spending the rest of the evening in a mellow mood. I, on the other hand, would come home from work, have a glass of wine to de-stress, and spend the rest of the night in an alcoholic haze drinking 2-3 beers while making dinner, sneaking half-mugs of rum while going into the kitchen for snacks, and making myself a "nightcap" consisting of about 90% vodka and 10% diet Coke -- only to verge on passing out as soon as we got into bed.

As someone who does not have identifiable alcoholic tendencies (I have only seen her drunk twice in five years) my wife does not understand that I have no off switch and cannot comprehend why anyone would drink so much knowing that it will lead to so much misery. At one point during the conversation I asked her, "What stops you from drinking more when you are at that point where you feel euphoric?" She told me that a) she never drinks to the point of feeling euphoric, and b) she stops because she knows she is going to feel sick the next day. This conversation really illuminated for me the extent to which alcoholism really is a mental illness. I tried to think of ANYTHING else in my life that I have had this behavior towards, and nothing even comes close.

I love Mexican food, but would never eat tacos to the point of passing out and waking up feeling completely wrecked. I love reading literature, but I would never read to the point of pissing my bed and humilating myself over and over again in front of friends. I love to ride roller coasters, but would never do so in excess to the point of risking going to jail or losing my family because I cannot control the impulse. When all is said and done, I am one of the most "in control" people I know, in terms of impulses and making good decisions. Yet, you put a drop of alcohol in me and I go totally bananas. It's the Jekyll and Hyde thing in its truest form. 

Anyway, I don't think anyone but an alcoholic can ever really "get it" in terms of understanding the experience, and I suppose there lies the strength of AA in many ways.

-Adam

Wow, can I ever identify. I think I might have a a drinking problem.  I just never had that little voice that tells a person they've had enough. One second I felt fantastic and invincible, and the next second I was waking up from a blackout.