As I sit here thinking about the bullet I dodge on a daily basis due to this program, I think of family members and alcoholism. My father died of alcoholism. My uncle destroyed himself due to alcohol (he's not long for this world) If my brother's not careful, his alcoholism will get him, too. I wish I could do something, but if they don't want this, then they're doomed, because, from what I see, every alcoholic eventually dies from this. My father spent 6 weeks in ICU. Sometimes he sounded fine, sometimes he sounded like something from another world. It was horrible watching him waste away like he did. He and I were starting to get close, too. (I've never been close with any of my family) About a month and a half prior to ICU, I received several phone calls about his behavior. To clarify, this was a year and a half before I joined A.A.. Anyway, I was told he was walking around muttering to himself, not eating, just chugging boubon and smoking cigars all day long. Know what my first thought was? Envy. "So what's to worry?" I thought "He's living the good life!" Sound familiar? I was so angry during his hospital stay and after his death that I went about things the wrong way, all piss and vinegar. My brother and I were devastated, which makes me think of him. You see, he has a daughter. She lives in another state, but she loves him so much. I can only imagine what would happen if she were to lose him. It would destroy her. And here I am, helpless to help. If there is anyone else out there who's going through this, please know that you have my sympathies.
-- Edited by AlcoHater on Wednesday 13th of March 2013 09:18:12 PM
There's only one way to handle this kind of situation that I've seen in the last few years ... If you have a 'good' relationship with your brother, you can arrange a time to have a one-on-one with him ... take him out to dinner(lunch), just the two of you ... your brother should be more 'receptive' this way ... tell him 'your story' ... do so in a 'matter of fact' way ... tell him, hey bro, I hope you're not heading in the same direction as I was ... if so, feel free to call me anytime, day or night ...
He needs to know this is serious business from your 'point of view' ... you know as well as I do, he has to want help or it doesn't work ... we all know that ... but at least you will have planted the seed of hope in him so he will know there is a solution that exists if he feels he ever needs it ... who knows?, ... just maybe he'll call you for more info ...
This is about the only thing that comes close to working that I've seen ... others may have other good suggestions for you too ... hope so ...
Love ya man and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I agree with Pappy. Somebody did this for me a while back , long before I got sober. This person is in AA, and subtly slipped in some catchphrases and quotes from the BB without letting me know the source of these ideas that resonated deeply with me... I just knew he was in AA, sober and seemingly happy to be so. At that point, I would've tried anything BUT AA- cuz it was a cult (lol). A couple more months of hell went by with me and the bottle...and his words rolling around in my head. I really think he was the reason I went to my first meeting after trying to white knuckle being dry for a couple weeks. Your brother may tell you to go F yourself in a contemptuous rage (which is what I did with this guy), but your words just may stick with him:) ya never know.
All of the millions of people that check out Alanon have been and are where you are at with this. Unfortunatly, alchoholism is genetic and that creates a number of us who are both Alcoholics, and having been raised/affected by family members that are also alcoholics. Hence, the term "double winner." There are a large number of double winners (AA/Alanon dual attendees) because of the very reasons you stated. Maybe check out alanon. It can actually strengthen your AA program and/or become another program alltogether for you.
-- Edited by pinkchip on Thursday 14th of March 2013 09:29:22 AM
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Alco I was taught and then came to believe that what we have is a God thing...only a God thing. What I did was just accept that and then act as if it was following the elders. I learned I was helpless and that it was different than being hopeless and then I found the program and learned I could help myself and then miracles started to happen and I learned that I wasn't the only one getting them and hopeless stopped being a part of my thinking and believing. "God is" is my 24/7 meditation and my awareness is that where ever "God is" no one is entirely helpless and hopelessness isn't real. If your vertical relationship is right and you learn to listen so that God can speak you might be in position to be used.
You are, on a daily basis receiving something that works when it is given away. Go practice that program and watch it work. Keep coming back.
Hey Alco - I think the worry you're feeling is something your HP is in charge of anyway - not you. You're worrying about stuff that's not yours to worry about really. I wasn't used to that idea before I came here, but now I know that harboring all that stuff is just my disease trying to get me to drink.
Am I saying you shouldn't care for your family? No. But they told me to just be sober and available for when and if God see's fit for me to help. So I do spend a lot of time doing recovery stuff... hoping that if there is a day when I'm asked to help (anyone, not just my Dad) I'll be good and ready, and in the meantime - recovery rocks!
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Hey Alco - I think the worry you're feeling is something your HP is in charge of anyway - not you. You're worrying about stuff that's not yours to worry about really. I wasn't used to that idea before I came here, but now I know that harboring all that stuff is just my disease trying to get me to drink.
Am I saying you shouldn't care for your family? No. But they told me to just be sober and available for when and if God see's fit for me to help. So I do spend a lot of time doing recovery stuff... hoping that if there is a day when I'm asked to help (anyone, not just my Dad) I'll be good and ready, and in the meantime - recovery rocks!
What she said! All we can do is be the power of example. Work on ourselves, so when people are ready to change, we'll be available to assist them. The results of working The Program migrates to people around us. When the people around us are in despair, they may ask what we did to change our live. Then the door opens. Pray for them in the meantime. If we push to hard, we can get in the way of someone's journey to recovery. We learn to detach- emotionally, love from a distance at times, knowing we are powerless until the student is ready. Prayers sent to you.
To add to all the above....you may also find an opening to be a source of support for your niece--maybe subtle and general, or maybe more specific to her dad, depending on the opportunity. The great thing about our program is it prepares us to "be there" even when nobody, including ourselves, is even aware that we're planting seeds left and right!
Thanks for sharing. Pappy had some good advise, make sure you read the "working with others" chapter first. Let him know you are willing to help, but if they are not ready don't push.
We are not crusaders, it is a program of attraction. The best thing you can do for him or anyone is work your program and keep your house in order and be a living example.
I have a brother 1 year younger, we used to drink and party together. I had to watch him drink through my first 23 years of sobriety, finally at our mothers funeral in 2007 he was ready to try sobriety in AA, I was able to help him and he has been a number of years under his belt.
I always prayed for him, he saw how I lived my life. He later told me he was always surprised that I never lectured or preached to him about drinking, then after being in AA for awhile and reading the book he figured out I was just doing what I was supposed to do.
I always thought I would get a chance to help him. Thank God my house was in order when he came knocking.
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
I have two younger sisters who are in active alcoholism and it pains me to see them suffer. I want to "save" them. Today, I have learned that I cannot. I love what Rob84 said " We are not crusaders, it is a program of attraction. The best thing you can do for him or anyone is work your program and keep your house in order and be a living example. I always prayed for him, he saw how I lived my life. He later told me he was always surprised that I never lectured or preached to him about drinking, then after being in AA for awhile and reading the book he figured out I was just doing what I was supposed to do. I always thought I would get a chance to help him. Thank God my house was in order when he came knocking." Thanks for this thread, all the responses, and for MIP. It helps save my life and my sanity every day. (((hugs))) & Peace
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I asked God for all things that I may enjoy life. He gave me life so that I may enjoy all things.
All we can do is be the power of example. Work on ourselves, so when people are ready to change, we'll be available to assist them. The results of working The Program migrates to people around us. When the people around us are in despair, they may ask what we did to change our live. Then the door opens.