Hey Rebecca, don't make it too hard or some point you might rebel. I don't fully understand your family situation, but if it makes you feel worse to be away from them then it would to spend some time with them, you might want to rethink your schedule. I say this with the assumption that you're grandchild won't tempt you to drink or cause such shame that drinking may seem the only remedy.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Sunday 10th of March 2013 08:47:32 PM
Hello everyone. I hope everyone had a good weekend.
I am going on 5 months sober and things are really going well. I am working a good program and have a great sponsor. I attend meetings every day and on weekends I attend 2 or 3 a day. This weekend I even went with my sponsor to speak at a detox center.
The problem I am dealing with at the moment is guilt. Because my sobriety comes first I have cut off a lot of contact with my friends and family. Today I went over to see my granddaughter who is just over a year old and she wouldn't even come to me because she hasn't seen me in awhile. It just killed me. I haven't had my 5 year old grandson spend the night on the weekend because I am either attending meetings or going out with some of friends from AA to talk about their ES&H.
I know all my friends and family understand the distance I am keeping but today it really bothered me. I feel a little cut off from my everyone in my life right now.
Has anyone else experienced this in their journey?
Hey Rebecca, ... ... ... trying to make a relationship with family this soon into recovery is one real tough job ... We are told that we should stay away from making any big emotional changes for the first year in recovery ... typically, the reference here is with changing life partners in some fashion ... But I think it also refers to home life, as it is, too ... Trust is something that we will NOT get from family members for a while ... we need not force it ... it will come in due time as long as they see us stay sober through thick and thin ...
Our relationship with the little kids is probably the toughest ... either we are not allowed to see them unescorted, or the kids themselves remember what we were like when drunk and it scared them ... Whatever the case, we just have to stay sober in order to prove we've changed ... this can take a few months, but it is more than likely going to take years ... depending on how bad we were when we got here ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
There are some complex issues involved here. And there is quite a bit of information missing that would allow some friendly and helpful advice.
I do know that nothing in AA prohibits normal, healthy and precedented interactions with grandchildren at 5 months sober, absent any increased danger of drinking.
Foregoing a couple of meetings to brighten up a 5-year old's life and to brighten up yours doesn't sound very onerous of an idea. It isn't, or doesn't have to be, a zero-sum game.
If you're doing the best with what you have and the consequence will be a sober, healthier, saner, serener grandmother you won't have to entertain guilt to deep into the future. Five months isn't such a long time at working toward continued progression and assurances compared to how long you drank and where it was leading you to. You will have opportunities in the future, like I have to tell the story of how alcohol affected your life and what you had to do to save it. Like me you might even think to tell the grand-kids and great-grand-kids that if the problem of addiction ever tries to take their lives away you know of thousands of people in a program of recovery that they can go and sit with who will help them turn it around. For me isolation is only a scary problem if I do it with the old head and the old thinking and feelings I used before coming into recovery. I am never without my Higher Power and the vertical relationship to worry about the other forms of isolation. Do as much recovery as you can now so that as it becomes as habitual as your drinking was you will be confident no matter what. Keep coming back ((((hugs))))
I did 90 in 90 and by the end of that I was craving my family and they were craving me. I listen to my gut to help me find balance now, not my head.
The first days I took away from meetings to be with family were very strange, and I was actually scared. I thought I couldn't make it without them every day! It went fine. I leaned on this board for support and still do a lot when I'm not in meetings.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
I got some of the same advice from my sponsor and I brought it up as a topic at my f2f meeting. The answer is always so simple isn't it. Lean on my HP.
