Doing the steps again with a new sponsor. Her and I are the same age - but she's been sober 9 years. She had drifted away from the program for the past year or so - which is why I'd never met her. She popped into the meeting the other day, and I commented on how much I liked her boots. We spoke in the parking lot until we froze - then we went to lunch to warm up - then we spoke on the phone, and then another 3 hr coffee break on Wednesday. It was a spiritual connection for both of us, and it was clear to me that it we were meant to be.
I'm excited. I've drifted away from my sponsor lately anyway. Just trying to decide how to 'break it to her' when I let her know I'm moving on. It's not like I don't want to talk to her anymore, or be a part of her life and her mine.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
That's great, Tasha! Maybe just let her know that you've taken on a second sponsor that is interested in going through the steps with you, and that you hope that she will remain in your life?
Sounds like a Spiritual connection to me Tasha! I'm happy for you! Another HP(God) moment for sure. Sounds like you were both ready to have each other connected on the journey of recovery. I've learned in AA that God puts people in our path/life when we're ready and need them. What a gift!
As far as breaking the news to your current Sponsor- just be honest and let God take care of the details.
Doing the steps again with a new sponsor. Her and I are the same age - but she's been sober 9 years. She had drifted away from the program for the past year or so - which is why I'd never met her. She popped into the meeting the other day, and I commented on how much I liked her boots. We spoke in the parking lot until we froze - then we went to lunch to warm up - then we spoke on the phone, and then another 3 hr coffee break on Wednesday. It was a spiritual connection for both of us, and it was clear to me that it we were meant to be.
I'm excited. I've drifted away from my sponsor lately anyway. Just trying to decide how to 'break it to her' when I let her know I'm moving on. It's not like I don't want to talk to her anymore, or be a part of her life and her mine.
This shouldn't be too hard Tasha, ... just let the truth come out ... tell her that you have met someone new that you feel divinely inspired to work with ... that you feel you needed someone new to keep the program 'fresh' for you ... of course thank her for being a 'temporary sponsor' and that you will be forever grateful to her ... Tell her you think it's time to move on ... (but I would still call her ever couple of weeks for a month or so ... to check on her if for no other reason ...)(to maintain the close friendship)
This program works only when we continue to help each other ... and NOT be selective when doing so ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
great news. I had 4 really good sponsors in the first 6 years. I learned a lot from all of them. 2 of them became long time friends, as is my current sponsor of 9 years.
Doing the steps again with a new sponsor. Her and I are the same age - but she's been sober 9 years. She had drifted away from the program for the past year or so - which is why I'd never met her. She popped into the meeting the other day, and I commented on how much I liked her boots. We spoke in the parking lot until we froze - then we went to lunch to warm up - then we spoke on the phone, and then another 3 hr coffee break on Wednesday. It was a spiritual connection for both of us, and it was clear to me that it we were meant to be.
I'm excited. I've drifted away from my sponsor lately anyway. Just trying to decide how to 'break it to her' when I let her know I'm moving on. It's not like I don't want to talk to her anymore, or be a part of her life and her mine.
As a practicing alcoholic I would find that grounds to propose marriage but after being sober for a while that statement arouses red flags.
Not passing judgements but IMHO good sponsors don't "drift away" nor "popped into". I may well be wrong, often are, but I suggest prudence.
Thank you Bob R - thank you for the warning and care. I appreciate that. I had thought about that a lot too. When we first met, she did say that over the past year she had only been going to a meeting about once every three months. Mostly because she couldn't find care for her son with autism who has been randomly punching people in the head and having these outbursts pretty often now. I know how hard it is to find care for my kids who do not punch their care takers out of no where - at least I have my husband here and pretty reliable child care. She is a single mom :(
She also took the time to ask her sponsor if she thought she was ready to be sponsoring due to all of this... and told me that she doesn't see people in recovery stay in recovery that do not make it to about 2 or more meetings a week. Not often anyway.
Anyway - she's getting respite through the county now, so back to going to meetings, and took a leave from work to be with her son in the mean time, so does have time for sponsoring. I felt she covered the issue to my liking : ) Her sponsor felt this was just what she needed - and I hope it will be a blessing for everyone.
She talked about how much she's missed meetings and her thinking has gotten really off and started me on the steps again right away - no lollygagging around like has been my experience where I have to pry and extract the help from my sponsors to work the steps with me up to this point LOL!
I suppose it's true - that if the student is ready and willing, there isn't a thing the sponsor can do wrong. They will get what they need somehow! That's how I've felt about it up to this point, and it was good for me!
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Sounds promising, Tasha. I wouldn't give up on my other sponsor entirely. That, I feel, would be a mistake. Sponsorship, in my opinion, is one of the most selfless jobs I know: An act of trust if you will. They provided me with real time answers to all sorts of challenging questions, and not just a feel good response either. My sponsors were no exception. They became my truest allies in every sense of the word. While sobriety, on the other hand, gives me a sense of belonging even when life slows me down -that's how real life connections work, mostly. It's the sober provision that keeps me safe, especially when all else fails. That's how I came to believe. I hope you gals hit it off.
-- Edited by Mr_David on Saturday 2nd of March 2013 12:26:04 AM
I actually have a couple of different women who I consider my sponsor. I have worked steps with only one of them, but I do bits and pieces of the program with both of them. The first one to become my sponsor is close to my age, married as long as I have been, and has several grown children. She has experience with alcohol only. I have outside issues as well, and that is where my second sponsor comes in. She is only 3 years older than my oldest child, has an 18 month old son, and has never been married. She has however, experienced similiar things in regards to my other issues and the behaviors and attitudes that go with them. Together they are the perfect sponsor for me. I remain open and honest with both, and so far, it's working. I have been asked to be a sponsor by a few women in the past few months, but so far, only one has actually been willing to do the work. It is a frightening yet rewarding thing to be doing. My two for one sponsors have been very supportive. My situation is not the typical way of sponsorship, and I know that having more than one sponsor at a time is generally not recommended, but this is how my program has evolved, and it is working. Good luck.
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I asked God for all things that I may enjoy life. He gave me life so that I may enjoy all things.
The only negative thing I ever heard of dual sponsorship is when you decide to 'pit the advice from one against the other' ... Example, one may want you to go slowly through the steps while the other may want you to pick up some speed and get them done and over with ...
OR in the worse case, you need a push to finish a task and use the 'other' sponsor as an excuse to drag your feet or procrastinate ... When you have an issue with sobriety, and you go to two different people for advice, unless the advice is identical, you'll find yourself choosing the one you'd rather go with ... ... ... and what's easier for you may not be the path you needed to take ... does that make sense ???
I don't see any problem having what I call a 'primary' sponsor and a 'secondary' ... ... ... just in case, in early sobriety, ... should I have an issue that needs attention and my 'primary' isn't available ... ... you know to always have a 'back-up' plan ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I have a sponsor that I care for and work the steps with and I also have a mentor, someone I also care for, that has many years in the program and watches out for me. Together with my dynamic duo of support and kindness I feel very secure in my program. It's nice that life is busy for my sponsor I have someone else that I am close to that can be relied on for encouragement, advice, and the occasional kick in the tushie. :) I am working my steps again and it is awesome to go through them more slowly, as this time I am not fighting for my very life. I am open to it being a new experience and growing through them in a new way.
All the very best to you, lovely one.
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I think there's an invisible principle of living...if we believe we're guided through every step of our lives, we are. Its a lovely sight, watching it work.
have been very supportive. My situation is not the typical way of sponsorship, and I know that having more than one sponsor at a time is generally not recommended, but this is how my program has evolved, and it is working. Good luck.