For me it's a matter of being honoring to the spirit of the person who was soooo important to you before. We all age and when we do the past where we were at our best and gave our best (for me anyway) is what brings up gratitude. My mom had parkinsons and dementia and couldn't function mentally as when she was younger and when my wife and I went to see her in the rest home she understood when we decided it was time to leave and her body language expressed anxiety so I told her to hold on for a minute and my wife and I stepped out of her room. My wife asked "What can we do with this"? and I told her my Mom was afraid and since we couldn't do anything to make her live any longer maybe what we could do was to help her die. Now don't do a knee jerk over this...what I mean't and my wife understood was that we would bring into her stuff we learned in the program that caused us to accept and detached. We spoke the slogans of "Let go and Let God" and "Easy Does It" and one day at a time and much more and then when we were ready to leave she was relaxed and smiling and willing to accept our goodby kisses and hugs. She was at peace and still living one moment at a time.
My mother wasn't the best woman in my life however she did the best she could with what she had and from program that taught me that like all others including myself she deserved forgiveness and respect and honor. She was a daughter of an alcoholic and the mother of one also. I never asked her and she never told me how she understood and put up with my insane behaviors and consequences. While I didn't travel 2600 miles last week for the ceremony of my elder brother's ashes I would and did for my Mom. My brothers and I have not ever been close...given my druthers they would not be the kind of people I would hang with. I respected them like I do everyone here and loved them unconditionally also.
(((hugs)))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Thursday 28th of February 2013 08:19:22 PM
ou're right to question this and think it over. I would not use my sobriety as an excuse if I thought it actually wasn't in jeopardy - that might haunt you more... however - your sponsor might know that better than you at this point so early in your sobriety. I hope you talk it over with him too : ) Best wishes and blessings...
-- Edited by justadrunk on Thursday 28th of February 2013 08:33:17 PM
-- Edited by justadrunk on Thursday 28th of February 2013 09:01:12 PM
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
So as my parents worked, and drank I was attended to by my grandmother, from age 5 to 14 she was my go to. We always spoke daily, up till past 7 years or so. She moved away, I had a family, and i had other priorities, kids and drinking, mainly being selfish. Haven't seen her in about 4 years but would still talk regularly. As her mind stared to go, we started speaking less and less. She got to the point where could not hold a conversation. As of today they are going to hospice, so, do I fly down and see her in a state that will kill me, or remember her as I last saw? I just don't want a guilty mind if i don't go. Thoughts please?........
All I can do is share my own experience on this. My grandmother and I were very close, especially during my early teens. I would often stay over her house. When I was around 16 she was moved to a nursing home facility, which she swore she would never do. It was difficult for both of us- she didn't want to be there and my heart ached seeing her there. Though I wrote often, I visited only once- even though it was close by. I got the call a day before she passed that she was hospitalized and on her way out- and that she had been asking for me, though not very lucidly. I did not go because I did not want to see her in such a state. This was a decision I've regretted for the close to 20 years since. Not for me- for her. She wanted to be surrounded by family (and I was the closest to her). I was looking at it through selfish eyes. I can honestly say that this is one of few decisions that still haunts me. I know it's difficult to see loved ones in pain.
Thanks Col, I'm exactly, the same, except, she has dimenitia so bad she prob wouldn't even know I was there, or would she. I on the other hand will have to lve with the dicission of nt going or the image of her sick. The fact that she will pass doesn't bother me to much as I know she is better off.
Thanks Col, I'm exactly, the same, except, she has dimenitia so bad she prob wouldn't even know I was there, or would she. I on the other hand will have to lve with the dicission of nt going or the image of her sick. The fact that she will pass doesn't bother me to much as I know she is better off.
We are also watching my mother -in law(reason we moved to Florida from New York)daily disappearing from cognitive awareness thry dementia and althizmers.My wife is now full time caretaker to both her father and mother and debilitating illness.I could only suggest prayer,seek your Higher Power,a good suggestion of bringing someone with stable recovery if you are concerned about picking up...I was twisted when my dad died and overseas when my grams died and would have liked to be near them when they passed(just my stuff)Follow your heart ,guided by God,use program tools if any reservations.I will lift you up in prayer....I believe God will place you exactly where you should be.......Peace,,,,,,,,,,
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
I come from a bit of a different perspective. In my teenage years I lived with my grandparents for a couple of years. My grandfather was a full blown alcoholic, up in the middle of the night swigging, all through the day etc... I also saw how he treated my gran. Needless to say I resented him. I moved out got on with my life. Eventually they went into a home. After my Gran died I found it hard to see him so I stopped going. It was at least a year before I did. Through al-anon and there book from Survival to Recovery I was finally able to see him. I was able to forgive him. When I saw him he mentioned I hadn't been for a while. I just said oh well....and spoke about other things. When we left I gave him a kiss and cuddle before we left. Two days later he went way down and passed away around a week later. I'm very grateful to alanon for helping me to be able to visit him. It was like he was waiting to say goodbye to me.
Like Zoom said above, your sobriety is most important so make decisions with that in mind.
My mother passed 4 years ago (a wonderful woman BTW) and it was my first experience with hospice, she was there for a few weeks, I was there about 5 days. The positive things from the experience was getting to spend time with other family members dad/bros/sister/nieces/nephews without a large agenda planed.
We where able to represent the family as neighbors , friends etc came by to pay respects. I was able to be there for other family members and spend time with them. My mother was still breathing, but make no mistake she was already dead, there was nothing we could do, it was God's will.
The bigger question was what now was God's will for me? Like your grandmother, my mothers work was done...she payed it forward. I guess it was my turn now, we always get our chance.
It does all boil down to love and service, but we can't practice these without sobriety. If you take the trip go with this in mind.
Hope this can help and thanks for sharing.
-- Edited by Rob84 on Friday 1st of March 2013 04:50:26 PM
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
