So AlcoHater, You hit a brick wall. It is a common one because it is natural to want to "see" the things you are going to trust in. I also could tell you were struggling when you posted the thread on "what is spiritually like?" What exactly are you doing that constitutes "fake it till you make it"?T Is it just going to meetings and watching others? The best thing I have found is just pulling out the Big Book and shopping around in it. The meetings are based on the book, and you will do less faking and more making if you understand the concepts of the program better and re reading lets you pick up things you missed the first time around. On the HP thing, are you faking that as well to make it? I still think that is better than nothing, but I think this is an area where generally HP's know if you are faking. I am not putting all HP's in one category here because the program recognizes that people have different concepts of HP's, but if you are old enough you may remember the old margarine commercial that ended with a lightening bolt and the line "It's not nice to fool Mother Nature". In the HP arena, honesty is better than faking. You are looking to connect spiritually with something out there greater than yourself. Usually "it" is something you can share your inner reflections with. Because I am a Christian I know the dangers of overselling the product. You say Christian, and people think the sell job is coming. That's not the case in AA. Your HP is left up to you without the scare of an "oversell" because you really need to find out what works for you. AA is not so much concerned with your soul as it is with getting you to understand a program that can take away your compulsion through the 12 steps. Really this is the same thread as the last. You are saying you are not feeling the spiritual connection and you are wondering where it is. What have you done to start? I found this movie, "Oh God" really helped:
I know its hokey and dated, but if we are looking at a simplified start on some kind of faith, it gives you a humerous, non stressful way of looking at a HP with a sense of humor that is human and understands the pitfalls of our human condition. The real message here is do not give up looking. Research by looking into yourself and try and find the moments in life that made you cry and laugh. The faking part is since you do not have or understand your HP yet can be "faked" with honesty. Take a moment of inner reflection and try and pray to something. How about this brutally honest "Prayer"?
"Um, excuse me out there, I am not sure who I am trying to reach, but I am tired of being drunk. The guys on the board are saying to reach out to you, but the problem is that I don't know who you are. I know this sounds silly, but I REALLY need some help and guidance and warmth and I want alcohol removed from me just for today. I have a general idea of right and wrong, and I propose I will live by those guidelines for today, if you remove my compulsion for alcohol just for today. If it works, lets try it tomorrow and the next day"
In other words, try and make your quest for spirituality simple with simple thoughts and deeds and simple, to the point prayers.
-- Edited by turninggrey on Wednesday 27th of February 2013 08:52:04 AM
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"You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around."
You already are faking it til you make it then... cuz you haven't drank right?
Yeah, that's the one. It's just about hanging onto your chair and not drinking no matter what until the other stuff starts to work. There is no time frame. Some get it quickly. Some take years and spend that time angry and hurting. But they're alive, and with life comes hope.
And look - you've had a higher power now for a while. The moment drink took over your life it was your higher power. Just find something to transfer it to while you figure out which way is up. I'd use the fellowship. There is some mighty powerful stuff going on around the rooms. Powerful enough that it chases away the higher power of alcohol when I'm there. Put your faith in the program and the fellowship and stop fighting the universe. You don't have to understand why you are an alcoholic, and you don't need to understand why AA works either. Just accept it for what it is and let it do what it wants to do.
Prayers for you James.
PS - I call my HP 'My God of Black Cats and Drunks' and you won't find my take on things in any religious book. It works for me though, and that's all that matters.
PPS - "Everything will be okay in the end, and if it's not okay, it's not the end yet". - That's Churchill Tasha. He's always a good one for a quote.
-- Edited by Frodo on Wednesday 27th of February 2013 08:57:08 AM
-- Edited by Frodo on Wednesday 27th of February 2013 09:02:44 AM
I am having a hard (read:impossible) time of pulling off the "Fake it 'til you make it" routine. my mind and my life are so screwed up by constant frustrations that it just can't be done. Also, I can't find a new higher power, as I have rejected the standard model. Any suggestions? Thanx-AlcoHater
Hi AlcoHater! Glad you have the capacity to be honest. I couldn't do the fake it til ya make it thing either when I got here. I still don't do it very well. I think a lot of it goes to the point that I faked so much when I was drinking and using that I find it to be, to a great extent, exactly what landed me in the arena of active alcoholism in the first place. To fake anything now would seem to be the beginning of relapse before even taking a drink. What I personally lean on is "Act as if, until it happens". I had to do that a lot too. Act as if I wasn't a liar, cheat and a thief, until one day, not only was my body acting as such, my brain started aligning itself with my actions. I know for a fact, I could not think my way into a new way of living, I had to live my way into a new way of thinking.
My DIS-Ease, would always tell me that I was far more screwed up than most and I should probably accept that "I couldn't do or experience" what millions of others had... in short, my brain lied to me on a regular basis, and because it was my almighty brain..well, I was reluctant not to believe my own words of wonder. When I started running what my brain was producing as its' version of truth by a very good sponsor, things started to come into their proper prespective. One thing I was repeatedly told is..."don't drink today, and as the days in front of us go by... we'll come to know when our brain is trying to sell us a line of shit". I found that to be true. Eventually, I could see that just because I thought it didn't mean it was credable. In fact, a great amount of what my brain produced in my early days was BS, being thrown at me from every direction inside my own head. So, again I truly think it is great that you are questioning things, and putting what your brain is trying to convince you of out there so it has to no real chance for much validation as being reality.
I was a man that believed in God, but not a God that I felt believed in me. Not a God that I felt I had any real access to. Not a God that would make any kind of real investment in my healing and recovery process. Why would He? I was such a f*cked up loser... or so my almighty brain said so. Therefore, I had to start out with the idea that there is a Universal Positive Energy/Influence, and a Universal Negative Energy/Influence. Now, came the question..."which was I willing to try to align myself with?" Did I want to participate in the Positive or Negative energy and was I willing to be both a reciever and contributor of that alignment? I, of course decided I wanted to be a part of the Positive energy or influence of the world. Me, holding up my little candle of light in this world, and being the beneficary of those who also held up their candles, brought me into a nice place of spiritual light. I would try to be open to being both a provider and a reciever of Positive energy in the world. At this point I was on Step One and Two, and had just stepped up on the rungs of the spiritual ladder towards Step Three. I was going to turn my life and will over to the CARE of this Power. Not that I understood it any more than the God idea, but I wasn't so adversely resistent to it. As time went by and my understanding grew, I eventually came to adopt the belief that God is the source of that Positive Energy/Influence, and I was able to align myself with a God of "my own understanding". No, its not "Traditional", and yes, I had to overcome a feeling of being "a betrayer of the almighty I AM", based on my traditional, social, religious, educational knowledge and developement, but I had to find something that worked for me. And all my grand knowledge and spiritual compliance had availed me very little relief from ME and this diease in the past. Again, I had to "act as if" and the longer I did it, the more evidence I saw, felt, and experienced that would validate and confirm that I was headed in the right direction in the spiritual arena for the first time in my life.
Today, I don't need a God that I fully understand, nor do I want one. When the God of my understanding no longer has any mystery to it, does not create any curiousity, does not inspire more questions than answers.... it is simply because I have become the great I AM, the All KNOWING... and I begin to think I might be better qualified for His position. That is a very bad day for me and most anyone around me... I suck at the job, so I try to turn MY will and life back over to Him/It as quickly as I can.
I hope this gives you a few things to ponder. Keep in mind that in the A, B, C's of AA, it says...
A. We admitted we were powerless over alcoholism and that our lives had become unmanagable
B. That probably no human power could relieve of our alcoholism
C. That God could and would if He were Sought.
Note, it does not say Found. We are to be seekers. Step Eleven confirms this again,... "SOUGHT through prayer and mediation..."
You are seeking... you are doing good... keep seeking... and you will find the piece of spiritual truth/reality that you can grab and hold on to one day at a time.
John
-- Edited by John on Wednesday 27th of February 2013 09:23:24 AM
I am having a hard (read:impossible) time of pulling off the "Fake it 'til you make it" routine. my mind and my life are so screwed up by constant frustrations that it just can't be done. Also, I can't find a new higher power, as I have rejected the standard model. Any suggestions? Thanx-AlcoHater
Good to see I'm not the only one up in the wee hours of the night. At least here in the great NW, it's 3am. I've tossed and turned for the past 2 hrs, finally giving up the ghost, so to speak. Made myself a cup of tea and found my way here. Truth be told, what I really want right now is to shut off this committee of crazies I have running about in my head right now. I get what you're saying, how do I have faith in something when I have no idea what that something is? Been one of my dilemmas since coming through the doors a couple of years ago. I just finished reading pg 67-68 in the BB, where it talks about fear, faith, and courage. It's my favorite part of the BB. It says "all men of faith have courage". then I come here, and see your post. How do you do it? I don't know, but I keep trying. I know it's possible, I see lots of other folks who do it. Trust in a power greater than myself that will guide and direct me if I can just have faith. Sounds easy enough, right??? Not so much, sometimes. As long as I keep trying, I'm headed in the right direction. Giving up my self will is the absolute hardest thing for me. But if I can, I get some peace and serenity. And sleep....lol. Don't know if my ramblings made any sense, after all, it is 3 am. . Guess what I'm trying to say is, don't give up.
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I asked God for all things that I may enjoy life. He gave me life so that I may enjoy all things.
"frustrations" are mis-spent emotions. The world is what it is. When we hit "problems" we need to only look for solutions. Sometimes there aren't any and we just need to deal with it. It helped me tremendously when I found out what neurotic meant. I was at a large men's meeting and our group was discussing the 2nd step and talking about "insanity". After the meeting, an old timer named "Stretch" told me that we're all nuts and that there was two kinds of insanity. psychotic and neurotic. He went on to say that "psychotics believe that 2+2=5. you can't reach these people. But neurotics, like myself, Know damned well that 2+2=4, but We Don't Like It!
I identified with that strongly. Every time I pull up to a red light, I don't like it. And if you were the s.o.b. that drove slow in front of me and caused me to get stuck at that red light, I don't like you either. Later I realized that I was a "hater". I hated a lot things. Today, I like to laugh at myself and put the hate down.
Thank you for your post James! You sound like me when I entered the Halls. I was told, just let go of your thinking. Your head is not your friend at the moment. Don't entertain any thoughts for long on your own. Don't drink and work The Program to the best of you ability and you can't screw this up. They told me, over time you'll be able to think again, but need to go through The 12 Steps first. The 12 Steps will change your thinking. Keep bringing the body to AA and the mind will eventually follow. I used The Group as my Higher Power until I could find my own. I saw it working for them, why not me? Completing the 12 Steps brought me to my own Higher Power. One that I don't fully understand. I started to see my HP working in my life. It just started working, that's the miracle of The Program. The Promises started to materialize in my life. I live in step 10, 11 & 12 today, that keeps me with my Higher Power. I guess in a nutshell, the key for me was to just keep trying. Wash- rinse- repeat......................
You already are faking it til you make it then... cuz you haven't drank right?
I HATED that phrase when I got here, and I didn't believe in a HP of any kind. It was for stupid people.
I have come to know exactly what the benefit of faking it til you make it means, and I have learned to adopt it and NEED it. I still have bad days... if I walked around saying hate this stupid everything in this stupid world all day, on those days, I would completely lose the respect and trust in the relationships I have WORKED hard at getting. So if I'm ready to rip people's head off these days, when I walk into the room, I 'pretend' I'm okay, smile, give and receive hugs, chit chat and just do what I did yesterday on a not so sucky day. That is me faking it - I know this too shall pass, I've put in enough time to know there are these ups and downs, and I fake it till it's over in hopes that some day I wont have these instances as much anymore.
I do however, reserve the right to spit and sputter out these hateful moments and emotionally puke on my sponsor and use MIP as a sounding board also - sometimes - other time just praying to that HP I do not understand will do. I do not however do it at meetings or walk around emotionally puking on everyone like when I was a drunk.
I read someone's little signature thingy here on MIP and started repeating it to myself as a way of faith in something:
"Everything will be okay in the end, and if it's not okay, it's not the end yet".
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
I am having a hard (read:impossible) time of pulling off the "Fake it 'til you make it" routine. my mind and my life are so screwed up by constant frustrations that it just can't be done. Also, I can't find a new higher power, as I have rejected the standard model. Any suggestions? Thanx-AlcoHater
I suggest you get a good oldtimer as a sponsor and follow him and the oldtimers closely.
Recovery is a process and you have to go through the process.
In 1989 I saw no hope either but followed my sponsor on blind faith.... and here we are in 2013. Something is working !!
Don't drink. Don't quit and keep coming to meetings regularly.
Stop fighting the program so hard. Stop trying to make yourself so special that it wont work for you. It sounds like you have a script written for yourself as the loser and the sufferer. You are not "faking it" if you are not drinking. You are stuck in a rut and haven't changed your thinking and have not gone outside your comfort zone. You are more used to the story with you as the loser/sufferer/martyr. Write a new story for yourself.
Take positive risks, apply for more jobs, go on more dates, take trips, expose yourself to more that life has to offer. YES it truly is an inside job, but you have to also take steps and work AA into your outside life. What I sense is that you feel you have gotten sober for nothing, but really you are sober and just DOING nothing. AA is still your safety net but you have to go out and live life.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I am having a hard (read:impossible) time of pulling off the "Fake it 'til you make it" routine. my mind and my life are so screwed up by constant frustrations that it just can't be done. Also, I can't find a new higher power, as I have rejected the standard model. Any suggestions? Thanx-AlcoHater
Hey man, ...
There have already been a lot of good posts here ... ... ... I stood up in a meeting one time, about six months in, and shouted "I hate this 'fake it til you make it' slogan" ... ... ... I told the group that night that I was working the program with all the earnestness I could muster and I wasn't FAKING a damn bit of it ... I said this is life or death for me and to 'fake it' is like saying that living a lie is okay ...
An old timer very calmly said, I never liked that either, why don't you just replace that phrase with "act as if" ... ... ... Act as if there's a God walking beside you every step of the way ... 'Act as if' the promises will come true when you work the steps ... ACT as if you have turned everything over and have 'NO' worries ... ACT as if this is the best day of your life ...
Then he said, no matter your state of mind, IF you continue to ACT as IF all these things are true ... ... ... THEY SOON WILL BE!!!
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
There have already been a lot of good posts here ... ... ... I stood up in a meeting one time, about six months in, and shouted "I hate this 'fake it til you make it' slogan" ... ... ... I told the group that night that I was working the program with all the earnestness I could muster and I wasn't FAKING a damn bit of it ... I said this is life or death for me and to 'fake it' is like saying that living a lie is okay ...
It's never sat that well with me either. I realised it was one of those little cliches that are about all we can comprehend when we stagger in, and that the words are probably chosen because they rhyme rather than for 100% veracity, but still...
Maybe I was lucky that my 'faking' it happened while I was in rehab, and that by the time I came out I'd found something to hold on to, but I always much prefered the 'don't quit AA the five minutes before the miracle happens'
When you hear that, and then you see all the miracles in the rooms tell their stories, you just know that it's worth hanging around to find out what yours will be like.
I agree Frodo ... ... I understand the 'why' of 'faking it til you make it' ... you're right, it is so that one can stick around long enough to grab onto to something ... anything, long enough to see that there is a solution ...
BUT
You take a guy for instance, that has been around a little while, his brain is still spinning from all the changes he's looking at and you tell him to 'fake' this shit ??? ... IF you do that 'WITHOUT' clarifying your statement, then you sometimes accomplish nothing more than massive confusion ... I went through that ... I hated everything about AA at the start ... and I looked for 'inconsistencies' to tell AA to go 'f' themselves ...
I for one, am REAL sensitive about using the slogan 'fake it til you make it' ... in fact, I just use the 'act as if' instead ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Theres a lot of food for thought here. This is excellent. Love the term from Dean about psychotic and neurotic. The last one suits me quite well. Then Pappys act as if makes total sense as well
. Guess what I'm trying to say is, don't give up.
Don't drink and work The Program to the best of you ability and you can't screw this up. They told me, over time you'll be able to think again, but need to go through The 12 Steps first. The 12 Steps will change your thinking. Keep bringing the body to AA and the mind will eventually follow. I used The Group as my Higher Power until I could find my own. I saw it working for them, why not me? Completing the 12 Steps brought me to my own Higher Power. One that I don't fully understand. I started to see my HP working in my life. It just started working, that's the miracle of The Program. The Promises started to materialize in my life. 
I live in step 10, 11 & 12 today, that keeps me with my Higher Power. I guess in a nutshell, the key for me was to just keep trying. Wash- rinse- repeat......................