I was told to get into the centre of the fellowship and not to hang at the edges.
I was also told that when things get tough the ones at the edges fly off and the ones in the middle have more to hold on to.
Well, my natural way of interacting with a group is to hang on the fringes and occasionally pop into the middle for a quick look.
But (as posted in another thread) I had a very close call around a month ago. I knew what I was doing wrong (or wasn't doing at all) and decided to use the wake up call to make some positive changes in my program and so I did. I've taken on the secretary role, been doing a whole lot of 12th step work, doing a hell of a lot of kms going to meeting after meeting, and generally keeping very busy in the fellowship.
And I feel great. Better than great. The rewards are much more than I imagined. I have serenity comng out of my wazoo. I mean nothing - absolutely nothing - bothers me right now. I'm balanced, confident. happy, energetic and everything just seems to work without effort.
I think all this comes under 'and more will be revealed'.
I have observed, over the years, a crowd who are visitors to all groups and members of none. They lurch from one crisis to the next, they come and go and eventually they go and don't come back. They don't seem to get what the "center dwellers" get. I don't think you can overstate the importance of a home group, of involvement at a service level, even if it's just washing the cups. There is a big difference between going to AA and being in AA. We have a common problem and a common solution upon which we can absolutely agree and join in brotherly and harmonious action. And by getting involved, by being part of the whole, those feelings of self pity and uselessness slip away, life takes on new meaning etc etc...
Thank you for sharing this, Frodo. I, too, am accustomed to hang on the fringes- the observer. As Fyne Spirit said, he sees people who float from meeting to meeting without really being a part of any group. That's me. I go to lots of meetings, can tell you about numerous meetings on any given day. I've been to them all a few times, but I've yet to join a group or become all that involved. At first this was in large part due to an unpredictable work schedule. Now, its just an excuse. People know I'm around AA, but know very little about me. I have made a few friends, one of which 'made me' join a group last week. I'm also signing up for a service position at another meeting I attend once a week. It took a while, but my discomfort with remaining on the fringes has been made clear to me lately. I'm anxious but eager to work my way into the middle. Thanks for highlighting the benefits of that, and how it's helped you:) P.S. I will be attending my first business meeting on Sunday and I'm a little hesitant due to some prior posts about them LOL
I have declared 2 home groups because my schedule is erratic, and I can't reliably go somewhere every single week. I have to change it up to make everyone's schedules work in the house, so I just declare I am a part of, and do the best I can for my 2 favorite groups. Some day, when I'm not juggling soccer games, dance classes, alanon, AA and everything else that comes along with being part of a family with young kids... I suppose I will just stick to a real home group and it will take precedence over other things that are just my own things, but for now, I do plan to continue being the mom who shows up to the school play, the parent teacher conferences, the birthday parties, and the few extra curricular activities we can afford for the kids.
I feel like the whole point of getting myself sober and healthy was to integrate into the lives of my loved ones and be here during the precious years that I keep hearing slip by really fast.
So, all my favorite groups are my home groups... I try and put them top priority each week. I still manage to make it to 3-4 meetings a week, they just have to vary between several different ones. I'm to the point now where I don't even bother trying to sign up for monthly commitments because then I just stress over it and it's impossible to live up to when you have little kids. This week, I ALMOST signed up to set up and tear down at one of my home groups and I'm so glad I didn't! We have had the flu - the sitters have had the flu - between it going through 2 households that takes up the whole month practically!
I dare not dream of the days of life without kids, because this is what I wanted and begged God for. I dare not wish it could be more routine or planned, because it's not just me I have to think about, and I don't want it to be! I remember recording stories and lullaby's for my children to listen to after I was gone, because I was certain I was die soon just a year ago in an alcoholic trap. I wanted them to remember me...to know my voice, to hear their birth story from my own lips. I didn't think that would be possible - but is has been thanks to AA. I am not dying anymore, I'm more alive than ever!!!! I plan to make mine and their dreams come true each day - every day is truly a gift! *tear*
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Tasha, ... you have just showed that you are a great example of what AA is all about ... AND Col is a great person to show contrast between different AA members and what we can and cannot commit to ...
What I'm trying to say is that AA has given us a chance to go back and 'participate in life' once again, or perhaps for the first time ... it's great to know there is a solution and an alternative to living a fruitless and lonely life where no-one gives two cents about you ... even family ... you guys are doing fantastic, just keep doin' what you're doin' ... love life for what you can give and be a part of ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
What I'm trying to say is that AA has given us a chance to go back and 'participate in life' once again, or perhaps for the first time ...
There is a fella around here who always puts as part of his share "Alcohol removed me from society, and AA taught me how to rejoin it" which to me sums up a lot of what AA is really about. I can't expect to just stop drinking and sit in my room, and all of a sudden I'll have hundreds of friends and a whole bunch of polished social skills. The tools are there but I've got to pick them up and use them. And in making my own life better I get to help others make theirs better.
And it's nice being in the middle. I had to fight the urge to stay outside, but I'm getting better at not listening to those phantom fears that tell me I won't be wanted, or liked, or useful or any of that stupid crap my head throws up whenever I move out of my comfort zone. Just getting to give those fears the old 'ha ha!' is worth the price of admission. Everything else is a bonus.
-- Edited by Frodo on Wednesday 27th of February 2013 01:50:21 AM
Great Post Frodo. There is nothing better that the relationship I have with the people in my homegroup. The center is where all the action and fun is.....watch the people standing on the sidelines LOL
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
