So to make it short, My boss has a secretary who thinks she is "the boss". My job is very controlled by the government, and there are very strict rules and regulations about who my boss can actually be. That is done for a reason, and it is so my boss can understand the complex work environment I operate in. Sadly, my boss is a bit lazy, and his predecessor was even lazier, which allowed this secretary to amass some administrative power she does not have, nor is she allowed by federal regulation to have.
Last week, she started to push her weight around over a situation that came up concerning my benefits. A complete, seperate section in my company handles this, and she was pushing her way into my affairs. I went to the head of that department, and got him to send the message back through channels that she is not to involve herself in benefits. I am sure it was embarrasing for her, and I take no joy from that, but it needed to be straightened out.
This week, I had to send an email through her to my boss, and she came back with a very snide comment about our last situation. I honestly should have let it go, because it was simply bluster on her end, BUT............................I am what I am! .................I could not hold back and sent her a humorous/sarcastic email thanking her for tips and wisdom. I do not want to escalate the situation, but WOW. Why do people have to be that way? Peace and prayers to her, and I hope she can chill out, but I need to send her some type of message that I am not going to allow her to steamroll me. I guess I will have to bring this up to my actual boss and point out where he is not in compliance with federal rules, and I do not look forward to that either. Serenity now. I have turned this over to my HP for further action......
Tom
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"You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around."
Sounds to me Tom, you did what I'd have done ... 1st, make sure I am in compliance with company or federal guidelines and regulations and know that I am not expecting more than due to me through proper channels ... AND if in doing so, I find there's a person who is going for the power grab or simply just playing the part, I have no problem doing the sarcastic thing and playing a part in God's hand that we all get a fair shake here ...
I'm sorry if it's wrong ... but to get some satisfaction of putting someone in their rightful 'place' is just necessary sometimes I think ... kinda like 'the truth hurts' sometimes the other person will just simply have to learn a lesson for their own benefit ... sometimes you and I have learned some lessons 'the hard way' ... and those seem to make a lasting impression, don't they ... sometimes we just have to 'stand our ground' ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Yes Tom I could see myself years ago going ballistic on situations like this...Not today,with prayer and principles guiding me along..Sounds to me like you handled it well at this point.Nothing better than direct communication and for me I would probably let her know that my benefits are very important and when HR department was intercepted it brought on anxiety(probably restrain the resentment and other normal feelings WE get :) keep it on me anyway) if she approached me again otherwise Yes I agree speaking with your boss about it is the way to go.....That was the worst thing the job I left up North to move to Florida had for me,dealing with the upper management and the politics of business...I loved working with the population..One of my daily mantra's is to allow "no one to steal my joy" (including gettin me cranked,resentful or just angry)WE have found a better way to handle those situations now I would say, I suffered from a long history of 'That need to be right syndrome" of which seems less important now in the scheme of things.for me.....,,,,I see and hear much progress based on the evidence here...
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Someone in my life is in a situation very much like the one you describe, Tom. It sounds infuriating! The advice I always give is that she is probably not going to change or realize the error of her ways, so try to focus on what you need to do to do the right thing in your situation. It sounds like you are well on the road to that.
Thanks all. Great inputs. I did not get a nasty gram back from her, so I guess the message was benign enough to not cause a stir. That is fine with me. Tom
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"You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around."
Yeah, I learned the hard way ... ... ... you don't go and grab a 'sleeping dog's' tail ... LOL ... just let them lie in ignorance ... BUT keep the 'shotgun' loaded just in case ... (rock salt does wonders for stupidity ...)
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
It's a fine line. Would you rather have a higher up job and get paid for it or be a secretary that gets delegated power and doesn't get paid for it. Boundaries when it comes to you are important though...as long as you detach now and don't keep carrying the resentment. Lots of times secretaries get built up and actually told "without you things would fall apart!" Some are humble about that kind of feedback and some are not. Some think secretary or admin assistant means HR representative...it doesn't. Just make sure before responding to her if her behavior is actually hurting you or is it just annoying you?
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I know right? I think I'm going to start making up some problems since my therapy is SO GOOD I don't have anything to complain about today : ) You are AWESOME people!
Tom - I was a secretary who thought the world would end without me once. People are only doing the best they know how. It was sad that I thought I needed to be superstar all the time to feel any worth or value. I was never okay with just being me, or being a mediocre. Because of my constant efforts at trying to be better and more and valuable and all that unhealthy crap - I did end up getting tons of promotions until I was a 23 year old who was actually running the office and in charge of 25 people! I was A KID! I was the youngest one in the office, and I didn't know my own ass from a horse's ass.. Not too mention dry drunk on a 3 pot of coffee high at all times and was immature and clueless and thought I had the world in my hands and knew it ALL! SHEESH I would NOT want to have worked with me, and especially under me! OH those poor people!!!!
Oh no - now I have more people to add to my amends list CRAP!! LIKE 20 more! geerrrrr LOL
We're all exactly as we're suppose to be... we're in this together... it's nice to be able to act like it today...
love to you (((Tom)))
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
You're funny Tasha, ... AND right on the money with the comment about remembering a 'time' or a 'situation' in the past that didn't make to your original step work ... I did that too ... seems like for a long while, I kept coming up with new amends to make to more and more people ... LOL ... Finally I got my 'To Do' list under control and over with ... BUT, I still reserve room for the long lost or forgotten amends to be made ... problem now is some of these people are either dead or are near death ... or simply would never remember me to start with ... LOL
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
"I am what I am.. and I don't give a d**n" was a saying an old timer recited occassionally in my early days. It took me quite a few years to figure out what he meant. But he was always doing that, saying things, posing irritating questions that would keep me thinking for days.
I so relate to the sarcastic/humorous email. Just what I would do in a similar situation, though I remember one where I spent hours composing a brilliant response that I never sent because I knew this dragon would have me for breakfast! Rule 62 is the thing.
When we look back over our day, seeing where we have erred, we must be careful not to drift into morbid reflection, the book warns us. We will make mistakes, I do. I never get through the day where I can claim a perfect pass of the review - never angry, selfish, dishonest, there is always something. But then it's not up to me to fix that. I have asked God to remove these defects of character but it's a work in progress. Perhaps His method is to let me make the mistakes, suffer the pain, and learn from them, and as this process continues, I am able to make a little progress here and there. These "bumps" now tend to be momentary in nature, and it doesn't usually take long for me to understand what corrective measures need to be taken through step 11. I am very, very flawed - I am what I am, but I don't take me too seriously.
Back in the day... wooh weee... I would have smacked someone (verbally, mentally, attitudually (can we make that a word?) so hard that their great grandchildren would be predisposed to headaches! LOL And then wonder why I didn't get along with very many people... especially the ones that weren't doing things "the way they should be done"...
Today I am very grateful that I dont' respond to the BS of others as I once did...
I turn them over to the CARE of God...
and then stand back, out of the way and watch ...
and most times I get to witnesses another Miracle In Progress unfold.
I was never any good at @$$ kissing, that's why I work for myself and thankfully my wonderful wife is my part time secretary and she's 99% angel.
Tom, I think that you did the right thing with the insurance and the email, but like BobR said "it takes two to tango". Take the high road, start every day off New with her and show her what a good attitude (and class) looks like. I like what Dale Carnegie wrote in How to win friends and influence people (have you read that one?) "Yield on matters of little or no importance to you". Pick your battles and she'll learn that when you're not smilling, she's probably dead wrong and about to be exposed for it. Don't let her goat you into a "he said, she said". Come up with a couple phrases like "let's not go there today" that you can smile and say. Sometimes these folks will take that as a concession and enjoy it, like it's their choice to ease up on the rhetoric. Learning how to "psych out" difficult people is a skill that is appreciated and can be attributed to leadership by those above and below you. And remember that we're all human and that one day you may make a mistake and little miss bitchy will be there to make your life hell if she wants to. lol
True Dean. The crazy part is that I have actually only seen this person about 3 times in seven years. I have only corresponded with her about 15 times. I have talked with her on the phone maybe 10 times. It is not like I actually ever come in contact with her. It is going to be hard to take the high road, because the next time I talk with her could be months from now. We are sort of self governing for the most part. Honestly, I think the dust up she and I had was standard for her. I do not think she felt it was out of the ordinary. I really do not deal with her enough to make an impact, but your point is taken. My compadres all tell of similar stories. The problem is that none of us actually have to deal with her enough for it to turn into a crusade to make her change or get her fired, so she has just enough wiggle room to keep on with her kingdom building. The sad thing is that my boss (who I have actually never met--even after a year of being my boss--and I have actually only talked to once) is really only there in case I make a mistake, and you are right. She will be waiting! Tom
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"You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around."
And remember that we're all human and that one day you may make a mistake and little miss bitchy will be there to make your life hell if she wants to. lol