So, yesterday begins with my daughters father texting me, "Did you get that stuff for the baby or are you going to put her in something else?"  He is referring to new shoes and a white diaper cover.  She has white shoes. They're just not new and the ones I bought are one size too big.  She is getting dedicated at church today.  He is basically telling me dress her per his instructions. I ignore the text. 

     I dress hurriedly for church and cannot find my shoes. My friernd has sons who have a tendency to make precisely one half of each pair of shoes disappear and my shoes are no exception. My friend and her husband stay home.  I take two of her teenage girls and their friend to church, one of whom is assigned to taking a video of the event.  I figure if I'm going to be honorable about the promises I am making today, I had better remember what they are.

     At church I make attempts to entertain my almost two year old daughter during worship and finally take her to the baby room.  In the sanctuary, I can hear her screaming.  I pick her back up and we begin laps around the back of the church again.  Announcements are made.  It is now time for the baby dedication.

     My daughter is asked to bring me to the stage. We go up.  She cannot keep still.  I am holding her. She sees a baby.  She wants to hold the baby.  Cute but not permissable.  She wants down.  I hold her hands.  She starts swinging from my arms.  She does a couple laps around me, crawls under my legs and at one point, gets on her knees, arches her back until her head touches the floor and stares out at the church like a yoga master.  This would be damn funny if we weren't in the middle of making solemn promises, okay, so it's still damn funny.

     Dedication is over.  I drop my daughter off with the toddlers as I feel it will be more stimulating for her than the baby room.  I am right.  The sermon is about love.  Funny coincidence.  I'm working on my anger and felt led to study about love before I went to church.  Pastor shared out of Hosea but I had studies 1Cor13.  Good stuff all.  I asked a friend if my daughter was off the hook.  He said she was real. (Our church is big on the real people thing).

     We return home.  Daughters dad, who lives two blocks from us (and hence two blocks from the church) texts to ask how it went.  I reply that real interest would have been indicated by his presence at said event.  He replies he does not like events like that.  I reply he does not like any event that takes him away from his house or his television.  He does not attempt to deny this.

     So, my daughter and I continue our day.  Meals, naps, and the healthy happy psychosis of living with a family with six kids (the smallest a grandkid, three of whom have disabilities), makes its course.  It is loud here.  (That many kids require a certain volume).  I know...I have five...and when we are all together, it is loud.

     So, I am entertaining myself reading literature and printing pictures form my phone with my awesome new printer and then I am shopping with the kids and then I get a text, "Dude, where are you?"  It is from a good friend and I realize that holy crap I have completely spaced the meeting which I secretary.  Really?  Oh yeah, I spaced it.  

     I give the kids their prizes, rush off to the meeting.  Make my amends for passing the human test.  Attend the meeting.  My friend looks at his watch and shakes his head.  (He is joking)  I stick my tongue out at him.  (I am not). They have saved the business meeting portion for my arrival.  I am there late.  In come the calls from the jealous ex wondering where in heck I am.  Out go the texts to my friend who is watching my child explaining precisely where in heck I am.  We finish going over the last year of financials for our group.  I return to my temporary home.  At home, I make a poster of the baby pics I have printed from my phone with my awesome printer.

     I play Spongebob on the kindle for my daughter.  We snuggle and fall asleep.  All in all, another great sober day.  And I passed the human test.