Dont make any big changes during the first year of sobriety. I've heard this advice many times. Now that I'm figuring out how to live life on a daily basis I'm thinking I can start thinking about the future. I have lots of ideas- some realistic, some rather far fetched. I've always wanted to work in the field of social work, and have a degree that's somewhat related. I have tons of life experience that could be put to use helping others, especially troubled kids. Then I was thinking... Organic farming- how cool! And rewarding. Working with the land, bringing it back to basics. Ok- I'm a chick that hasn't ever step foot on a farm, but maybe that's what I need- something totally different. Do long as it doesn't mess up my manicure LOL. Maybe I should look into a PHD program in social anthropology. What's my 5 year plan? 10 year plan? WHOA- stop. How about my plan for today? How about I just figured out how to grocery shop properly haha. Don't get ahead of yourself, Col. I guess there is a reason why one shouldn't be making any big decisions in the first year. I could wind up on some communal organic farm without my blow dryer! It's hard to keep my head in the day sometimes. I'm figuring out who the heck I am at 36. Strange place to be... But right where I should be. Now I just have to remember that:)
I'd say that unless your current situation at home or at work were intolerable , as far as staying sober is concerned, then this 'no changes for a year' is good advice ... ... ... Don't know about you, but it took me a long time to get to where I ended up while letting alcohol do all my 'thinking' for me ... so when I stopped drinking, it took me a couple of years before my 'life's direction' became clear ... I had so many 'habits' that had to change, that I was incapable of making any rational decision for a long time ...
You're still very young, lots of possibilities ... Don't try to rush to find your paradise on earth ... just know that it will always be 'out-of-reach' if you welcome alcohol back into your life ... LMAO a chick with a manicure fetish will not necessarily work out on a farm ... I was raised on a farm ... it's hard work, usually fairly simple, depending on whether or not you are going to be responsible for raising and caring for animals or not ... talk to Tasha, she has a few animals to care for as I recall ... but to make a living at it, it's a big risk and a lot of work, hard labor kind of work ... BUT, it can be greatly rewarding both physically and spiritually ... Going back and getting close to and with 'nature' can be awesome in so many ways ...
Blow Dryer ? ... nope, just a 'DO' rag is all you need ... LOL ... Oh, and you'll need a horse, don't forget the horse!!!
5, 10 year plan ??? ... ... ... Find something you enjoy and forget about the rest ... God will take of all that ... and He/She will not need your help ... LOL ... just your belief and faith, that's all ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Funny, I was just watching a documentary on the Amish lifestyle and one woman mentioned, "we are the closest to God when working the soil". I could see some of the merits of their beliefs and lifestyle, but I came away thinking they seemed a little paranoid about keeping people with in the fences.
My wife is a Jewish girl from NYC, she helps me in the yard a few times a year....always has to be wearing her "pumps", the nieghbors get a good laugh
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
There's nothing wrong with having a dream Col. One of the great joys of sobriety is when our imagination comes alive and we begin to see there are endless possibilites for us in life. That's what it's all about, we are free to do anything that anyone else can. We can set goals, make plans, take action, but it all comes down to what we do today. The longest journey begins with the first step. I live life one day at a time but I'm in this to stay sober for keeps. I'm living my dream at the moment by the grace of God, and it seems at the moment He is happy for me to do so.
I sometimes think we can get too bogged down with where we are today. Maybe fear keeps us in a place we don't really like. Perhaps fear stops us trying something new? Perhaps we think our friends wouldn't approve? How about we trust God to take care of us. Maybe He would want us to live life to the full. You only live once - make the most of it.
Colleen, being sober has allowed me to dream like that. But it also freed me from inertia in that, when I dreamed of my future before, I never had the follow up and nothing changed. I guess dedicating myself to AA sort of set a model for how to achieve things long term and by doing it in little steps.
I have been a counselor working with children for a long time...before coming into AA even. I was stuck at a certain level and not able to progress because of my Masters degree being non-terminal - meaning it was a masters that I got along the way in a doctoral program in clinical psych. I didn't finish my dissertation and I dropped out and started drinking...You know how the rest of that story goes.
Anyhow, I knew there was something I could do to get licensed and I kept tossing around ideas but only after being sober for over a year did I FINALLY take action. I always said what I wanted to do and never did it....especially if it involved commitment or any chance of failure.
Well, it did take 3 more graduate classes. I took them all online and got A's in all of them. Passed the licensure exam and finished my hours and just mailed off for my License this week. Oddly, in sobriety I have been a much better worker and that has resulted in me now getting paid as if I had the license all along....Hence, this is now something that's just for me really (though the license will be needed for my future in the long run).
Anyhow, if you decide to be a counselor, please PM me and I would talk to you about the various options. It's a rewarding career - not a great paying one. If I had it to do over, I'd get an MSW instead of going into a Ph.D. program that I didn't really want to be in. Getting a master's degree in counseling is also an option (that is basically what I converted my credits to in order to get licensed).
Just never forget - Sobriety is what makes all this possible. It is at the core of everything so when you get busy with new jobs and relationships and school - Don't forget that the opportunities and changes all came about cuz of sobriety and AA. That will keep you planted while you also go after your dreams.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I'm sure in your heart the answers await : ) Good to run the thinking part by other people I think. I did that and changed my mind about my ideas just from the messages I got on this board!
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Dear Col.... At 3 months sober (in a half-way house) I had a vision....of the MOST beautiful day/life....my dreams......... & with A.A. & sobriety first, every single one of those dreams became True!!! I have lived the dreams.... they were small, ordinary dreams (staying sober & drug-free, living with Purpose in A.A., Love,Peace, Happiness, a husband and child, a home, an education, a business, friends, fun,self-respect), but for alkies, ordinary dreams are often more appreciated.... With A.A. and sobriety FIRST...you cannot imagine, the wonderful WONDERFUL W O N D E R F U L ( but NOT easy) Life that awaits you!!!! I PROMISE!!! ......... A woman I know, who has never STAYED sober said, "I must plan my menu, for my restaurant now." Me, "Oh! Whats the name of your restaurant?" Her, "Its not a REAL restaurant...its "Cafe World" (or something like that)...a CYBER restaurant..." Me (No! I didnt say this out loud) , " JEEPERS! Sober....I've had my own REAL (3 dimensional HA) restaurant, and I got to name it after my kid! Wheee!" Her, later, " I must go plan my crops and feed my chickens now." .....Me, "WOW! You got a FARM? How wonderful!" Her, "Its not a real farm...its "Farmland"...a cyber farm.." Me, "Jeepers! Sober...I am at the near launch...of my very own sober sanctuary/organic farm....I can have 12 chickens here, and angora bunnies....Wheeeeee!!!!" With God, A.A., Sobriety & drug-free FIRST....Alll things are POSSIBLE!!! ( EVEN having a life in THREE dimensions, NOT TWO LOL) Keep Coming Back!!! Love, Lady Eli
This is tricky. On one hand we are told to live in the now: yesterday is history and tomorrow a mystery etc.
On the other hand if we did that 100% you'd never do a weekly grocery shop or make any sort of appointment.
So there needs to be some sort of middle ground.
At my very first meeting I heard a fella talk about how he used to sit in his 'magical armchair', drinking and dreaming about a wonderful life while never doing anything. That made a lot on sense to me as I had the very same armchair.
I think (for me) that's the stuff I need to stay away from. If it is reasonable and achievable then it's something that is good to plan for and work towards. If it's pie-in-the-sky dreaming or that requires a whole bunch of things outside your control to happen in order to work, then I think that's just doomed to fail daydreaming and will probably overwhelm alcoholics with all the isms we have.
Just another thought:
Definition of sober
adjective (soberer, soberest)
1 not affected by alcohol; not drunk. 2 serious, sensible, and solemn.
It means two things, and we become one when we are the other IMO.
If your ambitions are serious and sensible then go for it.
If they are fantastical then let go of them.
By not picking up one day at a time your emotional maturity should soon be at (or maybe already is) a point when you know one from the other.
