I know what you mean, Alcohater. I don't think I realized how much I suffered from social anxiety until I stopped drinking. I thought myself a social person, who could turn the 'charm' on and off at will. Haha.. Much of that 'charm' evaporated when I put the booze down. Oddly enough, I work in an industry where being charming, witty and personable is essential- but it's completely different. It centers on quick interchanges that don't involve revealing anything about myself, and witty banter thats also quick.. And out the door they go! Easy, painless. Something I've struggled much with is opening up at meetings... I don't want people to know me. I want things to not involve me being vulnerable or revealing my true self openly in a room full of people. I'm learning that this is a bit counterproductive and totally based in irrational fear. It's tough to explain. Everyone else seems so free and easy while I'm having panic over having any attention focused on me. It just plain sucks! There's many excuses and reasons I've come up with to justify keeping myself walled- off, but FEAR is the true culprit. I hope this helps you to know that you're not the only one- this was actually a topic of discussion at the 2nd meeting I went to tonight. I was shocked to hear that many of those 'free and easy' people I admire at meetings when they speak openly once felt as I do. I agree that MIP is a great place for people like us to share and get feedback. Glad you're here.

-- Edited by Col on Tuesday 19th of February 2013 11:49:58 PM

WOW, ... I don't know why you'd 'hate to say that' ??? ... Just kidding ... I know you understand we STRONGLY suggest that everyone go to 'f-to-f' meetings as a first priority ... this web site IS great and has helped countless men and women to find what they are searching for ... most of us here are simply warm heartfelt people looking to help others the best way we know how ... and if something is shared that helps us, that's a bonus ... We are not without faults though, and we ARE alcoholics and sometimes our 'old' way of thinking blocks our better judgement, but, by and large, we're here for each other, first and foremost ... (learning to 'forgive' will be a big asset here ... LOL)

Col, this fear you wrote of, does it feel natural? Like it's part of you, like you were born with it? If so, aggravating sometimes, isn't it?

Great question... It always has felt 'natural'. I didn't know any other way to be, really. Even as a little kid- long before I even knew what booze was. Drinking felt as though it freed me of it- for a while. It's funny that as I'm progressing with step work and going to the same meetings for 9 months it's not so natural anymore. I'm beginning to realize that what DID feel natural for 36 years is now actually awkward. What I mean is, the longer I stay distant and trapped behind my wall of fear and anxieties, the more uncomfortable I'm feeling with them. For example, I go to a noon meeting almost everyday, cuz I work nights. When I first started going, all the oldtimers were curious about me and told me I was a 'very pretty girl' and all this. Seems harmless enough, but all the attention made me uneasy and angry so I kept my mouth shut, and thought they were just a bunch of dirty old men LOL. Well, they're not at all ( ok maybe a few are haha), but now I just feel very awkward and childish being standoffish... I've outgrown my original judgements. I DO want to be accepted, and part of the group. I think Rob made a great point above.

The board is awesome and there are things about it that are better than meetings - but it still can't take the place of meetings. For me, I got quicker and direct feedback from multiple persons on this board. I got called out in ways that made me think about my own specific issues. I think you may feel better cuz you really reached out, vented a lot of pent up anger and hostility and still found acceptance. That is to be had in face to face AA meetings too. You just are not there yet. Keep challenging yourself though. You'll get there.

 

 

Sooo you've changed your attitude?  You see the picture different now...You opened another door for yourself and the picture is different.  That's how it happened for me also...altered perceptions...admitting I used the wrong attitude and was willing to see thru the eyes of the other people in the room.  Your open mindedness works very well...keep it handy.  For me it is the best wedge I have for keeping the door to underestanding open so that I can go in and out freely.  You got the time and you have the character...tools.

Your post is how it happened for me...with the help of hundreds of other members in recovery. They knew what I was thinking and how I was feeling and what level my spirit was on and I didn't want to keep it from them any longer...just as you came come to want right now.  

Very soon now the nick/sign-in of Alcohater won't fit for you...especially the "hater" part.  Mahalo for coming back and sharing your changes with us...I always need those "permissions" to make necessary changes for myself also.  Fear for me was natural, inherent, the default.

 

 

The 12 & 12 page 76

The Seventh Step is where we make the change in our attitude which permits us, with humility as our guide, to move out from ourselves toward others and toward God. The whole emphasis of Step Seven is on humility. It is really saying to us that we now ought to be willing to try humility in seeking the removal of our other shortcomings just as we did when we did when we admitted that we were powerless over alcohol, and came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. If that degree of humility could enable us to find the grace by which such a deadly obsession could be banished, then there must be hope of the same result respecting any other problem we could possibly have.

 

I took my alcoholism to God in 1989 and asked him to relieve me of it .... and He did.

I took my tobacco habit of 50 yrs to God in 2005 and asked Him to relieve me of it ..... and He did.

I asked God along the way to relieve me of my suicidal depression ...... and He did.

I asked God to relieve me of my anxiety and fear of people so I could sit comfortably in a meeting .... and He did.

God has shown me that he will take away anything that I come to Him with and lay at His feet. I just have to be ready and willing to let them go.

 

All the best.

Bob R

 

 

I asked God