Without all the people and experiances I would not have been able to witness miracles or have the life I have today.
In the steps we learn how to accept our responsibilty, (our part ).
When we are working the steps, an almost magical thing happens. We become able to see all sides of an action, good and bad. When that happens we can identify the gift we were given from the experiance. We have the option, however, to ignore the gift and hang onto the hurt, anger, or frustration of the experiance.
Example; My parents are/were guilty as hell for the abandonment, abuse, and neglect. Even though I was so young and was innocent, as to not have brought this on myself, I still have a part in the solution. My part is, I have the responsibility to forgive them and dig for the gift.
That gift is not just for my own well being and peace of mind. It's to help me relate to others who have had similar experiances and offer them ways to achive a solution. ( Can't keep it if i don't give it away.
The easiest way to experiance those miracles is to work the steps with another alcoholic.
The first couple times reading your response was/is confusing. I do understand that experiencing those things will help you help someone in a similar situation. But grateful to have gone through that? I cannot imagine how much more screwed up I'd be if that was my childhood. And I don't think I'd ever be able to forgive, nor would I want to.
When I was in the military (88-92) I got a DWI for driving 50ft around a parking lot for a better space. I got in a lot of trouble 'cause it was my second drinking offense and I was pissed at the MP though I know he was just doing his job and I was speeding. Three weeks later, he was driving drunk with his mistress and rolled his car into an aquaduct on the side of the road. The car was upside down in the water. He got out but the girl was stuck. He went back into the car and got her out but got himself stuck in the process. He drowned.
You know what my feelings were on that situation? Don't fuck with me or you'll get yours one way or another. Now I know that's not right, but that way of thinking continues to this day. And since then, nearly everyone who's ever intentionally tried to screw me over got taken down a peg or two soon after (though none died thankfully). It's happened often enough that it doesn't bother me too much when I've been wronged anymore, I know they'll soon get their just deserves. And I also know not to screw with anyone else or I'll get what's coming to me.
BTW, I did quit drinking for four years after that DWI but not with AA. I didn't become a big time abuser 'till I was 25.
Back to the topic gratitude toward wrongdoers, you're a better man than me.
We are powerless to change our past, but we can change how we look at it. Lord, help me to realize that my past has made me a stronger person and show me that these experiences have taught me valuable life lessons.
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I am grateful today for sobriety, without that, the rest doesn't matter!
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Thanks Chrisb!
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toothpick writes " nearly everyone who's ever intentionally tried to screw me over got taken down a peg or two soon after "
Before AA, I too, thought I was the great and mighty "I AM". Life is so much better knowing I AM NOT.
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And what a delight it is to make friends with someone you have despised! --Colette
What does it mean to say we "despise" someone? Usually it means that we have invested a lot of energy in negative feelings; it means that we have let ourselves care deeply about someone. We would never say we "despised" someone who wasn't important to us. Why have we chosen to let negative feelings occupy so much of our hearts?
Sometimes, in the past, that negative energy has become almost an obsession, consuming our time, gnawing at our self-esteem. But in recovery there comes a moment of lightning change; a moment of release from the bonds of obsession. The other person is, after all, just another person--a seeker, like ourselves. And, since we cared enough to devote our time and energies to disliking him/her, s/he is probably someone who would be rewarding to know.
Recovery has given us the opportunity to turn over many negative feelings, to discover that "friend" and "enemy" can be two sides of the same person.
Today, I will look into my heart and see whether I am clinging to obsessive concerns with other people. I will resolve to let them go.
-- Edited by Doll at 11:54, 2005-12-30
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* We eventually realize that just as the pains of alcoholism had to come before sobriety, emotional turmoil comes before serenity. *
If I were to give it up and get drunk, it wouldn't be long and I would be was as ragefull as I was 12 years ago.
It took me 5 years in the program to get the differance between fault and responsibility.
No, I'm still not well. Sometimes my reality doesn't mean that is what's really going on. I get short tempered with the people close to me. I don't play well with others. I'm a better loner than company. I still suspect people, places, things and institutions. I am often complacent and sometimes self- rightious. I am always willing to show you I know a little something about any subject. I still react without thought of the consequinces and have to get humble and apologize. I have many areas, in my character, where I have to be constantly vigilant and reminded.
I don't give up today, because I am very content with who I am. A lot of that good stuff I owe to folks like you, inquisitive and looking for a way out of the delima.
I know I have a long way to go and there's lots of things I don't understand about myself and my addictions. We are in prime drinking time right now for me and I know it going to be a tough weekend.
I just called and found a meeting tonight at 7pm which I will go to, my first. Thanks for being around Chris and everyone else. I need to get my mind off alcohol right this second. I'm gonna go make dinner.
wow, what a great thread! I like all the honest sharings of different people's perspectives. I come from an abusive and violent family too, and have PTSD from same, and spent years being very bitter. Trust is still a big issue with me. but what was happening with my bitterness and hostility was that it wasn't hurting my abusers so much as it was eating me out from inside. I had to let go for my own health. I had to start thinking positive about getting my life going in a better direction.
Reminds me of a couple of Johnny Cash songs... "Like a Soldier".. and also the Cross of Jesus.. we are not glad about the evil,, but we can see how things work towards good things that we have now, that we wouldn't have otherwise.
hey, toothpick! You got to tell us about the meeting later,, ok? I hope it is a good one for you.
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
Thank you all for your contributions today. For me, it's been a very prosperous, ( spiritualy) day. Thank you for that. Goodnight and we'll see ya'll Saturday.
