It took me a month to get him to even discuss alcohol ... ... ... our long sessions before or after a meeting have been mostly about his past 'stuff' ... (his outlook on his past and current life situations) ...
AND, like you, I hate to refuse to sponsor someone because of 'special needs' ... because you see them around for a while without sponsors and we know this isn't good either ... it is a dilemma ... ... ... stay tuned in!!!
Thanks for the topic Mark ... I can use your 'professional opinion'(guidance) any time you feel like sharing it with me ... Pappy
-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Wednesday 6th of February 2013 10:35:04 PM
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
How would you go about sponsoring someone who you might believe is seriously mentally ill? I mean not with a mood problem but a cognitive one? Like maybe psychotic? Say the person also has issues with drugs, sex addiction, poverty, illegal alien....etc... Now, if I took the tact that I can't sponsor someone whom I have not had the problem....Well, this person has so many problems that he'd be hard pressed to find someone who would have had the same. I also think most folks are scared of him and often his shares don't make sense in meetings.
Not sure how to progress. Right now he seems to want to "vent" and ramble about problems. I know the answer is in the steps, but it would be pretty difficult to keep him focused on that. My sponsor states for me to not become "his therapist" knowing my background. On the other hand, I don't think that someone not in the field would be able to handle this. So....it's both right and wrong at the same time.
The person has been in and out of multiple 12 step programs for years...I don't want a probono therapy client, but I guess I'll see how it goes.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Nice to hear from you Mark - obviously I have nothing to offer here... no experience other than the 3 short weeks I worked with a similar type with different, but just as many issues other than alcoholism. There was very little talk of drinking, I sometimes wondered if that was even a real issue or just something that was part of attention seeking from other issues, and another way to be a part of another 12 step group and more grasping and clinging to anything anyone who would have her. She latched on to newcomers and was instantly friends with no boundaries... and a whole slew of confusing delusional thinking pertaining to a lot more than just alcohol.
Anyway, I was actually scared for my safety, and had to think of my family and those people who would be affected by my working with her if something happened to me. In that regard, it was clear that I needed to think of others and let her know that we could revisit the arrangement again some day if circumstances in my life changed or her mental health was stabilized through the help of her doctors. She is known to continue to push people, question people, keep calling even after being told 'no' - but she accepted that statement.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
couple thoughts I had. First thanks for sharing on a tricky situation. When WE are confronted by a "suicidal" person it is recommended not suggested that they seek"professional help" immediately.Other than that when someone suffers more than addiction or compulsion alone and suffers too much to make sense of the STEPS,counselling also is probably suggested. Bill W saw a psychiatrist for his depression. The BB refers to "our psychologist" as someone to share our 5th Step so there is definitely precedence for it. When Bill W spoke at the New York Medical Society on Alcoholism he stated "WE know too, that psychiatry can often release the big neurotic overhang from which many of us suffer after A.A. has sobered us up" I don't believe everything Bill W said was gospel,but he was an innovator gathering info from situations he had gone thru. Bottom line is the decision to seek professional help is really the sponsee's,only they can determine whether or not it is right(some may not even be able to do that) Its really a case by case scenario huh?,and Im sure you know as a professional. I can only suggest prayer,see how it goes,if you make the decison,that is take action,let your Higher Power take care of results. Wearing a couple hats in the situation and guided by your Higher Power ,More will be revealed. In support...
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
go with your instincts if you feel the person needs professional help maybe you with some help from your group you can help this person in that direction do not put yourself in harms way remember we only deal with alcohol I just agreed to sponsor someone just paroled for accessory to murder I will only go to his SLE to work with him good luck PC
There is a lot of good information regarding problems other than alcohol in the working with others chapter, it talks about finding out if they are interested in the solution we offer or do they want just money lodging or I guess talk therapy could be included.
We all have many problems when we come in the rooms, most are a consequence of our drinking/using and lack of a HP and spiritual program in our lives. Grave emotional problems?Many get sober if they have the capacity to be honest. And I have sponsored people in this kind of situation who have stayed sober. Certainly some may need to seek medical attention.
We aren't playing God or trying to be their "talk therapist", if that worked Carl Jung would have never sent Roland Hazard to the Oxford group. Our job is to guide them through the steps and help get them connected in the groups and with other AA's.
I have found that laying the laying the groundwork on the sponsor relationship up front works best. For me they need to be willing to work the AA 12 steps, do service work attend a realistic # of meetings based on their situation and get a home group.....if they don't live up to the bargin, I will be your friend but not your sponsor.
God put this guy in your path for a reason. We all know about the problem, there is always going to be some talk about that but our job as a sponsor it to get them focused on the solution.
From early AA archives:
1937: On the AA calendar of year two, the spirit of Tradition Three emerged. A member asked to be admitted who frankly described himself to the oldest member as the victim of another addiction even worse stigmatized than alcoholism. The addiction was sex deviate. (See note *) Guidance came from Dr Bob (the oldest member in Akron, OH) asking, What would the Master do? The member was admitted and plunged into 12th Step work.
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
God put this guy in your path for a reason. We all know about the problem, there is always going to be some talk about that but our job as a sponsor it to get them focused on the solution.
.
WOW Rob, ... ... but what you just said makes all the sense in the world ... just teach him the program and let God do the rest ... just get them 'FOCUSED' ... how simple is that??? ... and if they find it impossible to focus on the program for whatever reason, then maybe they need to seek treatment elsewhere too ... ... ...
Thanks Rob
-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Wednesday 6th of February 2013 10:23:16 PM
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I would go about it slowly and honestly telling him when I could be helpful and when I could not and direct him in another direction when I could not. I'd like to hear how you handle it.
Thanks Rob and Jerry, ... ... ... I just had a small 'awakening' ... their are those I know, locally, that occasionally follow this board here ... too easy to break anonymity with the descriptions I had given earlier ... so I edited and deleted some things I posted ... ... ... just to protect my friends I.D. ... ... ... if I feel I need more help, I'll P.M. you guys instead ... thanks for understanding ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I guess PC did say he felt it would be difficult for this guy to focus. Jerry said take it slowly which makes a lot of sense.
It's really hard to say exactly what to do without actually meeting the person and trying to work with him. One thing for sure is I wouldn't listen to someone ramble for a long period, you can just as easily do the to a coffee cup and the outcome would be the same. I don't think that is God's will for us either.
Like I said, set the tone of the relationship up front. I got sober in a gritty blue collar type society, they never had a problem telling someone to take the cotton out of your ears and stick it in your mouth....or maybe stronger, it might be the most loving thing we can do.
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
I do like to establish early that I will listen to them because I 'care' about what's bothering them ... and it helps me get to know them well enough to know where to start exactly ...
But there comes a point where it's time to take off the kid gloves and get down to business ... I agree ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
