One of my most favorite little books I read several times a year at leastIt only takes about 45 minutes to read it, is James Allens book As a Man ThinkithThinking well of yourself changes attitudes and circumstances.. giving you opportunities. Based upon that which you put your mind to..
One guy years ago wanted me to sponsor him He had some obvious self esteem issues. The typical ego maniac with an inferiority complex.. I said to him Let me see your underwear.He thought that I was kidding him.. Then he thought I was weird.. or diminishing him.. I said Let me see your underwearHe opened his belt.. and pulled down his pantsI said just as I thoughtLook at that cheap underwear.It doesnt even fit properlyWhat did you pay 10 pair for a dollar.You have no respect for yourself how do you expect anyone else to have respect for you.
January is a good month to buy clothesI went on line and bought my underwear for the year..12 pair of narrow fitting boxers from Brooks Brosusually $25.00 a pairI got it for $12.50 a pairall the same white with thin green stripe. .It matches the colors of my boatBeing in the tropics Im in my shorts a lotreal classhow can you not feel good about yourselfeven in public..Tight fitting..doesn't cut it...only when I play tennis.
The point.. a tip on self esteemThrow out all that junky underwear you wear.. You know the Walmart Target crap and get yourself the same underwear as the movers and shakers are wearing
If you want prosperity in your life start with classy underwear.. When things go bad.. you can always say I got great underwear close to my skinSo I paid $150 .00 to have the same quality underwear as the President or whoever of importanceyou get the point.. with great underwear you will always feel well dressed. for so little money...
Ladies throw all that bargain junk outand buy 14 pairs of Victoria Secrets or .similar good stuff..
As a woman Thinkithso shall she be.. If you think you are cheap you are.. if you think you are classy you are and other people will think of you same.The easiet way to thinking well of yourself good quality conservative underwear..
I can tell (LOL) just from this site who is wearing cheap ill fitting underwear..Surprise me ..go buy good underwear..throw all the garbage away.
150.00 bucks on a pair of underwear? That's going to increase my self esteem? Honestly, I think I'd rather sit around in my Walmart boxers, at 5 pair for 10.00, than to sit around in high dollar underwear, in the dark because my electric bill didn't get paid. Heck, if a man is as he thinketh... I'll think, "I'm in a great pair of underwear"... and I will be. LOL
I wrote not so long ago about what people put in their "thought closet" today is what they will get to wear tomorrow. A garment of self pity, needs to be thrown out and replaced with a garment of gratitude... the garment of fear, should be discarded and replaced with the garment of faith.. etc.
Agreed John. When I look back on old pictures of me before I was sober...I could have been wearing a million dollar suit, but all I see is a drunk loser in those pictures. Not to mention I was also a fat, drunk loser. So, after sobering up, I started working out at about a year and a half sober, quit smoking...etc... Dropped several waist sizes. I had to get a whole new wardrobe.
I didn't necessarily pick the most expensive clothes...Heck, I even found some awesome items at the thrift store. But - I KNOW i'm walking around 100 times more fit, better looking, and healthier on the inside and the outside. I try not ride the self-congratulatory train too far, but damn it feels good every day to be different. The clothes I wear compliment the me that I have worked hard to be. I could rock a KMART outfit and not think twice (in fact, I think some of my clothes maybe do come from KMart. - A horrifying admission for a self-respecting gay man LOL).
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P.S. Tomas - I don't think you are wrong or anything...but I think the common denominator is to do what makes you feel good as long as it is healthy and doesn't hurt anyone else. For me, working out and taking care of my body is a reflection of that. For other folks, dressing themselves up nicer is a reflection of that.
Self-care is a good thing and it does involve making time and sometimes spending money on ourselves in a positive way.
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LOL this is a great thread! Wow... As somebody who truly believed they could buy their self esteem I may have to disagree, Tomas. Most of my clothing (and perfume, bags, shoes AND underwear) are not cheap- all top name brands. Sure, if you're feeling good these things can help one feel 'put together' and dressing the part. The problem? If you still feel like youre simply putting on a show you're still just an empty shell with nice window dressings. Taking pride in ones appearance can help in building self esteem, but it can also be a dangerous attempt to fill a void that will never be filled up. It's never enough. It's much like booze- if you're not doing the internal work it doesn't matter who made your underwear.. Or shirt, or jeans. I used to pride myself on the fact that my jeans never cost less that 150$ a pair, and would be all snobby about it. Ya- I looked really nice sitting in a bar at noon in those jeans (and pricey underwear lol). I get what you're saying. Tomas, but this can also be a dangerous mentality for someone who's looking to create self esteem through external means. Didn't work for me!
I can also sort of understand where Tomas is coming from when I think about how most straight men come into AA. Their wives take care of everything, while they are screaming little bratty tyrants who have skid marks on their 5 pack hanes underwear. Yeah. I get it.
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If you have an accident and crap your underwear, it will still smell the same whether or not they're the $2.00 kind or the $150.00 kind ... ... ...
Personally, it's no-body's business what kind of underwear I use, nor does my underwear make me feel any better or worse about myself (if I chose to wear any ...) ... and as for what others may 'think of me' ? ... it ain't none of my business what uthers think of me ... I do live by one rule though, ... never leave the house without wearing 'clean' underwear ... my mom taught me that and it holds true today ... she'd say, if you get into an accident, you'll want the nurses and doctors to know you had on clean underwear .... Well, I could see some fallacies with this kind of thinking, but I've still followed mom's advice all these years ... and actually, I'm glad I have ... LOL
WOW, wearing classy underwear, ???, how in the hell are others supposed to know unless you go around bendin' over acting the plumber ??? ... and to be honest, I've seen more , what-do-you-call-em ... Thongs ??? from ladies that bend over to do something now-a-days than I care to think about ... Let me clue you in, it's not always erotic ... and for what those things cover up ... wait, for what those things DON'T cover up it's amazing what price they ask for them ...
OKAY ... ... ... new subject, new subject, new subject!!!!!!!! ... my mental imaging just went into over-drive ... crap!!!
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I will venture to say that most people give to 'flips' about how much underwear costs ... and the ones that do, are the ones that are only going to see them 'BRIEFLY' ....
LMAO at myself ... (personally ??? ... the only real time I think underwear is really important is when they come in the disposable diaper type ...)
And I agree with Christine ... this thread IS useless without pictures ... Ladies first!!!!!
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I could be wrong, I hope I am..some may be potential candidates for the "rubber room" the repressed anger is astounding..I throw that out for the few open minded individuals who have or may have issues with self esteem..and to be more specific... that's 12 pair for $150.00 (LOL)
I got it Tomas. Treat yourself like your would a good friend you cared a lot about. We would all go and buy a friend a nice leather jacket for Christmas, but we might be too cheap to buy ourselves one. Every December/January I buy myself new socks, underwear, work shoes, a couple pairs of colored jeans (tan, brown, green) to wear to estimates. I bought myself a few pairs of semi-custom orthotics for my shoes and ski boots. This is just learning how to take good care of yourself. There's a lot to it. Getting physicals, getting to the dentist, getting to the gym. For me it's getting a full body massage once a month. My body is a machine that makes me money and takes care of my family and I take good care of it. When we were drinking we cut as many corners as possible to free up my money for booze. Booze also took up most of our time, which made us dysfunctional. That's why we have to learn all of this stuff all over again or for the first time.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Thursday 31st of January 2013 09:08:35 PM
I'm still having trouble equating 'self-esteem' with underwear ... and how the kind of underwear I buy can be compared to 'repressed anger' and the 'rubber room' ... I rarely, if ever, buy more than a half dozen pair at a time ... ... ... I mean, I DO wash the ones I have, ... weekly ... ... and I certainly don't wait til I have no usable pair left before I buy more ...
WELL, there was one exception ... when I was actively drinking, I found it prudent to have extra on hand, cause, you know, ... you never knew when you were going to have to 'dump' a pair ... LOL ... ... ... I know, it's not funny when it happens ... but now that that hasn't happened in a long time I can laugh about it ...
Instead of looking at the 'rubber room' maybe we should take a peek at the rubber underwear ... ya know, we all pretty much leave this world as we came into it (if we live long enough) and that's wearing diapers ... I worked in a Nursing Home for years, trust me, if you don't, go visit one of these places for a little while ... ... ... then you won't give a 'rat's a**' what your underwear costs ... ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
All joking aside. I think the major point Tomas is making is that at first it can be very helpful to work on self care and cleaning up our act to help us feel better about ourselves. Just like the "acting our way into good thinking" or us cleaning up our outside is not a substitute for the steps, but for a raw new person these are things that can help them make it another 24 hrs giving them a chance.
Early on, my sponsor told me to shine my shoes and clean up the outside a little, I didn't even realize the lack of self care was evident. I was thinking about this tread and a guy I have been sponsoring for the past 4 months. He is a professional in his mid 30's he was a black belt in karate, but now he had potbelly and his posture was bad and a little lack of self care was evident I could tell the look just didn't suit him. I'm not the type to tell someone what to do in their lives much outside the realm of AA, I just try to let them know what i do. For some reason I felt the need to invite him to my gym for a workout. He has since joined a gym has cleaned up his eating and his posture and self esteem seem to be much improved. We have been working the steps of course also...
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
I had quit looking in the mirror. Did not want to. In the short time I have been sober that has changed a lot. New haircut, new makeup (and actually wearing it), a few new clothes (much needed). But those changes came from the changes inside.If I hadn't changed it wouldn't matter how much I prettied up the outside.
I get the point about self-care, but for people on a low income, buying food is a bigger priority than buying expensive underwear. So, I tend to look at it like that. It's how I feel inside that counts.
I get the point about self-care, but for people on a low income, buying food is a bigger priority than buying expensive underwear. So, I tend to look at it like that. It's how I feel inside that counts.
Very good point RubyT, ... ... ... If you really think about it, how many people really care what you have 'on' underneath, much less the price ... and I damn sure wouldn't go around asking people, men or women, to show me their und____ ... wait a minute, something just came to me ... ... Hummmmmm, let me re-think that, ... hummmmmm, now I'm thinkin', did that REALLY work for Tomas or was he pulling our legs ... LMAO ... I do believe I just lost my focus for this post ... damn ... (ya'll know what I'm thinkin' ... ... ... I'm thinkin' it might be worth getting 'slapped' a few times to get a p..k ... ... naw, I just can't say it ... LOL)
Someone needs to explain to me how this actually ended up becoming a 'topic' ??? ... where's my pills... ain't it time for my pills yet? ... somebody bring me my teeth and a bowl of ice cream ... Hey?. ... anybody there? ... I think I hear the music theme to the old "Twilight Zone" ... Helloooooooo?
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I do highly recommend the little book by James Allen "As A Man Thinkith.As a Woman thinkith..A book quite popular in AA circles.
I might also add when sailing across the tropical Pacific 5000 miles..particularly when the wind is light and the sun hot...My two crew members..one chap from Germany and one from Spain..we all had nice crisp undershorts....My opinion of them just in that personal jesture, as an aside, had a positive effect on morale..
whenever I had a female crewmember, while cruising the Caribbean..I always insisted..Do not come on deck naked..particularly when you are on watch..and would send them below to properly dressed for the watch.
Self esttem starts when we feel good about ourselves...Oftentimes Alcoholics I've felt, compare themselves to others unfairly..comparing others strong points to their week points...Learning respect for oneself starts from underwear on up..
About the underwearr..It's green pinstripes on white...slim fitting boxers..color coordinated to the color motif of my boat..passible on deck in attractive fashion for mixed tropical nautical culture..in hot humid climates briefs are too binding and just don't cut it..leading to rash...
I also carry green and white 2 piece bikini's for those young ladies who are sartorially challenged..
this will be my parting remarks on this link..I do hope it might have opened the eyes of at least one person..then it's worth the many personal vitriolic remarks I endured..I certainly did not get 39 years of sobriety being thin skinned or shying away from any form of controversary..particularly from those who do not quite get it..but maybe just one will
I getcha Thomas. Get up, clean up and dressing for the job you want, not the one you have, and all that.
For me it was a haircut. For many years I just used the clippers to do my hair - too bloody hard to brush it into place in the morning, and anyway I had more important things to do like vomit, shake and drink when I first got up. Who had time for hair?
So I got a real hair cut for the first time in over a decade. And it was a good feeling.
I also won't wear cheap socks these days. Life is too short.
Oh wow, I just got back from spending three hours with my newest sponsee, which included a 'speaker meeting' ... ... ...
Hey Tomas, ... your 'self-esteem' lesson was not lost on me and I want to thank you for the subject ... your analogy however was just something I couldn't leave alone, LOL ... The sponsee I met with tonight has some major issues with 'self-esteem' ... ... ... and it all boils down to whether we think we are worth saving from self-destruction or not ... I do believe you are correct that many of us suffer from low self-esteem because we lacked the power necessary to curb or stop our dependence on alcohol ... I do think many of us have convinced ourselves that we are worthless drunks to be left alone in self pity ... and many of us have convinced ourselves we are not worth the oxygen we use to keep us alive and therefore go on to commit suicide ...
I have gone through all those emotions at one time or another ... I did consider myself, at one point, just another piece of garbage ... My sponsee tonight is feeling unworthy right now ... And Tomas, ?, I was using some of what you posted here to help this guy to start feeling some little bit of self worth ... SO, your thread was timely posted for me, and for that I am grateful ...
But there is one other point I wanted to make ... Personally, I wanted my sponsee to feel loved, to feel the spiritual connection, to feel needed ... maybe others feel better by buying themselves some good skivvies, but I rather not equate self-worth to any 'material' things ... I had rather concentrate on the spiritual benefits of both giving and receiving ... Like RubyT said above, some people don't have the luxury of spending a little extra on themselves ... whether they feel they're worth it or not ... some of these folks feel eating takes priority ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
God I could really go for some ice cream right about now. THANKS, PAPPY.
Sorry, I dropped out early this p.m. ... I was out of meds and I had to meet with my sponsee ... ... ... but just so you know, I did pick up some ice cream while running errands ... and I'm getting real close to checking the stuff out to be sure it ain't spoiled, LOL ... Dag Gummit, if it was warm enough, I could eat it in my underwear !!!
Oh, thanks Rob, for your picture post ... you know that's not what I had in mind,LOL ... your post didn't register on my computer til after I was back for the night ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
