I thought since there are several NEW newcomers and I am a newcomer I'd share how and why I got my ass into AA.
I knew for many years I had a drinking problem, was I an alcoholic? I didn't know. I'm a single parent, have a home, a good job, everything I need, most of what I want, never been fired, never had a DUI, didn't drink every day, didn't drink in the morning - Alcoholics live on skid row and drink "Ripple" from a brown paper bag, right? Man! Was I WRONG about that..... 6 months ago, I was on a 5 day drinking binge, (and I just said, I didn't drink everyday). I got up on the 6th day and realized I had managed to do almost everything in those 5 days that I'd done in 20+ years of my drinking career. From spending the mortgage money, to wrecking my car, to busting the window out of the house because I couldn't find my keys and a lot more I won't go into detail about. My life was unmanageable. If I could just stop drinking (so much) things would be great. So, I googled AA, found my local chapter and got myself to a meeting on day 7. I'd all ready tried everything else - got divorced < he was the problem, moved < where I lived was the problem, changed jobs < my bosses were the problem, tried counting drinks <always ended up losing count, tried going for longer periods without drinking <never made it a whole week. So I thoughtwhy not AA, they would teach me how to just not drink or to not drink so much. If I'd had any idea what this program is really all about, I'd probably have never returned. But they told me to make 90 meetings in 90 days, put a $1 in a jar at home for each meeting I made and at the end of 90 days if it wasn't working for me, I had a refund waiting. I'm a college grad and thought I could find an easier softer way. I made a meeting or 2 a week. I didn't get a sponsor, HELL! I can READ the Steps. I Can do this - nooooo problem. HA! On day 34 I took what money was in that jar and got drunk! But it wasn't the same. Those 34 days of sparadic meetings and hanging out with other sober drunks had somehow screwed up my enjoyment of drinking. AA had gotten to me. And here's what I learned. My life wasn't unmanageable BECAUSE I drank, my life was just unmanageable and my drinking was the symptom of that. Just quitting drinking or not drinking too much wasn't going to "fix" me. I learned just how screwed up I really am and always have been. So, on day 36, I went back to AA. I surrendered again, and I got myself a sponsor. I work the Steps everyday. I read the BB everyday. I ask God to grant me the gift of sobriety everyday. I thank God for that gift every day. I make no less than 4 meetings a week, (I work 12 hr shifts) and I make 2-3 on my day off. Today is day 141 and I've never felt better. Even when the shit hits the fan, I know there's nothing that can happen that a drink will fix. I suit up and I show up, even when I don't want to. When I have a problem or a dilema, I ask for help and the hand of AA is ALWAYS there for me.
I'm an alcoholic and my name is Jennifer. And I hope by sharing, someone may be able to identify with my "story" and it will give them the courage to push on. If this gal can do it, ANYBODY can.
Sobriety is such an awesome gift that I never wish to return.
Thank you all, so much, for being here.
Love and hugs
-- Edited by Doll at 10:28, 2005-12-29
-- Edited by Doll at 22:06, 2005-12-29
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* We eventually realize that just as the pains of alcoholism had to come before sobriety, emotional turmoil comes before serenity. *
Hi Jennifer! I gotta tell you that I still come close to that slippery slope some days. When there isn't a meeting available, and no one handy to call, I log on and just read or sometimes post.
Reading your message today, reminded me to breath again. And to remember that I am not alone in this battle. And remember all the GOOD reasons to not drink again, just for today.
Thank you.
May you always have more than you need of peace, love, tranquility, joy and hope,
