1. People are honored to take someone through the steps...Especially someone willing to go to any lengths. It keeps them sober and they want to see you have that gift...That was given to them. So forget that one.
2. What lengths are you willing to go to...Ruby Tues?....To change your life to a life you never dreamed was possible?
I really am working on this. I have come to realize that my two main problems in asking someone to be my sponsor are:
1): I don't want to bother them. I really have a hard time believing that someone wants to actually spend their time guiding me through the steps
2): It will mean I am accountable and also that I will have to do the work and it will be hard
Admitting my reasons is the first step?!
LOL ... ... ... Oh Wow, ... we alcoholics DO think alike don't we ... ... ...
Ha! ... I don't know where to start ... ... ... Okay, you're right, I didn't want to feel like I was a bother to anyone either when it came to asking for a sponsor ... BUT ... now that I'm on the other side of that fence, I've found it true what they say about sponsorship, the new sponsees do, in fact help keep me sober ... and the big plus is the pure joy in watching someone progress spiritually in the program and to think I was blessed with being given the opportunity to help guide this person ... Last night I saw several sponsor/sponsees exchange multiple years medallions at our birthday meeting ... it was great ... it is such joy to see the person you had little hope for, taking a 3 or 4 year chip ... the right 'sponsor' will not be bothered in the least, but rather, be honored ... ... ...
AND YES, you will be "guided" along the path which means at some point you will need to be 'set straight' on a few things ... LOL ... it will NOT be 'hard' work unless you yourself insist on that being a part of the process ... to me??? one of the 'hardest parts' of the steps was 'listening' ... I had to just turn my brain off for a while and just listen ... Procrastination was a big 'NO-NO' ... just 'Gett'r Done' ...
Talking about all this stuff here on MIP is a big, big help for most of us it keeps us 'moving' along ... if you slow down or stop and linger on the tracks long enough, you're going to get run over ... King Alcohol will attack you like a buzzard going after a small rodent ... and you won't even hear him coming ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I really am working on this. I have come to realize that my two main problems in asking someone to be my sponsor are:
1): I don't want to bother them. I really have a hard time believing that someone wants to actually spend their time guiding me through the steps
2): It will mean I am accountable and also that I will have to do the work and it will be hard
Admitting my reasons is the first step?!
1) pretty crazy that bothering someone is only in your head,eh? i gotta spnsee that would wait til he sw me at a meeting to talk about life goin on with him because he didnt want to bother me. i called him one night at about 3 am( hes a night owl) and all i said was," i dont care if its 3 am when ya call" and hung up. the next night at 3 am i gotta call. it was him. al he said was,"OK." the progress he has made since then has been awesome to watch.
2) you were accountable before. the work isnt hard.
this could be either a sign of unmanagability or you havent decided ya want what we have and are willing to go to any lengths to get it.
1) pretty crazy that bothering someone is only in your head,eh? i gotta spnsee that would wait til he sw me at a meeting to talk about life goin on with him because he didnt want to bother me. i called him one night at about 3 am( hes a night owl) and all i said was," i dont care if its 3 am when ya call" and hung up. the next night at 3 am i gotta call. it was him. al he said was,"OK." the progress he has made since then has been awesome to watch.
You deserve this chance Ruby. You don't have to understand how it works to help who you're asking at this point.
You DO have to be WILLING to do what's asked of you. Start acting like the old timers you see at the meetings. Do they still feel unworthy before every phone call do you think? No! MILLIONS of people who were struggling with the same stuff (listening to their disease makes lists of excuses) made the move to just walk through this fear mixed with self centered/ selfishness (yes this is selfish behavior believe it or not - sorry if that offends you... but you think it's all about you, and you asking, and what they're going to say to YOU, instead of listening to the multitude of responses in this thread and your other one regarding this... that have explained to you that this is a benefit to them).
How do you think the old timers got to be old timers? If you don't know... get an old timer and ask her. If it doesn't make sense - ask her to be your sponsor and help you make sense of it.
This whole program was and still mostly is way over my head. I wouldn't make it without help and guidance. I don't know any old timers who haven't been sponsored. I know it isn't in the Big book - but I personally think it's crucial. Especially since at some point, some one will ask you to be a sponsor. How the heck are you going to know how to do it if you've never experienced it?! Think it through Ruby - it's really just part of the program. You are not getting married to this person - you are just asking someone to walk you through the steps, and help you get out of your head sometimes. You can start out by just asking her to be a temporary sponsor - maybe a one month trial run - that way you have an 'out' if she ends up being a psycho. Some people are still sick - some people are amazing and it's more than a privilege to get to spend time with both and all types. You'll learn from all of it, no matter how it goes, and what you do - but you must DO! You must take action! Stop going round and round with it! The only real possibilities here are "yes" or "no". If you get a no - move on quickly and keep asking - sometimes people aren't in a place to do it for very legit reasons and you don't need to know them... you just need to keep moving your feet to the next lady - until you get a yes!
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
So, guys? Guess who just sucked it up and phoned the person I had in mind to be my sponsor and asked her if she would be my sponsor and she said yes?
YEP, ME.
We are meeting up for coffee tomorrow. I sincerely thank you all for pushing me in the right direction.
way to go RubyTues It took me 8 years to get a sponsor I did my 1st 2 years in a outpatient program but it took me forever to get a sponsor and work the steps
way to go RubyTues It took me 8 years to get a sponsor I did my 1st 2 years in a outpatient program but it took me forever to get a sponsor and work the steps
Somehow, I missed you coming aboard here TommyB ... just wanted to say WELCOME to MIP ...
Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
way to go RubyTues It took me 8 years to get a sponsor I did my 1st 2 years in a outpatient program but it took me forever to get a sponsor and work the steps
I asked a guy if he would take me through the steps on my second day out after two weeks in rehab...I left early for that reason...And so I could attend more meetings...I did two...Sometimes three a day for 90 days....I was working my ninth step when I got my 90 day chip....It just goes to show you...There are different ways to work this program. I guess you could say I launched out on a course of vigorous action. Welcome to MIP!
Sportsponsorship great for guidance & lot of encourage can be learned from a sponsor, its a program of action suit up show up
Exactly. Sponsorship is all about guidance and encouragement.
Be careful with some potential sponsors who prefer the directive or autocratic approach. Some espouse the "General"/"private" model. (The sponsor is the "General,"the sponsee is the "private.") Not good for most newbies.
If anyone is looking for more info about sponsorship and what you can/should expect, check out the AA pamphlet: Questions & Answers On Sponsorship.
