Today I made the choice to be sober

mikef · MIP Old Timer

Today I made the choice to be sober

ninasmiles · Newbie

I'm 23 years old and have always had problems with drinking. Not so much drinking every day or while at work, but drinking too much when I do drink. I turn into a different person. Someone mean, rude, and aggressive. Also foolish. The worst part is not remembering and then having other people piece together the night and hearing all the foolish things I said or did. I always thought "I'm 23, everyone my age drinks this way" or I can learn to control it. I never wanted to accept that I had a problem. But last night was a bad night for me. I woke up this morning with Xs on my hands, and don't remember how I even made it home. I felt the usual feelings of guilt, embarrassment, disappointment... what has changed is getting married. My drinking problem is now hurting my husband who never experienced alcoholism. He doesn't understand why I can't just quit. Or stop after one beer. I hate that I put this stress in his life that he doesn't know how to deal with. I know only good can come from quitting. But I am worried I will start the steps of recovery but slip up and fail. Its hard for me to imagine not drinking when out with my friends. An example would be tonight I write this while my husband and his buddy drink celebrating his friend getting out of the navy. And his friend wants me to have "at least one beer" with him... its easier to say no the day after a bad night but what about a month.. three months? I wish I could learn to control it. I've had good nights with drinking and having a great time with friends..but I at least twice a month I go to far and hurt people. I guess I'm writing this because I've never really reached out for help or for advice from others who are recovering... I appreciate any insight!

Frodo · MIP Old Timer

This is the best place to start:

http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/

You will find the answers to all of your questions in there. That book knows us better than we know ourselves.

The next thing would be to get to a meeting. Google or the phone book will help you find one that suits you. This forum is really useful in many ways but the meeting rooms are where we get - and stay - sober.

"its easier to say no the day after a bad night but what about a month.. three months?"

Worry about that when you get there. Today is the only day that matters, and today is the only day we worry about not drinking. Just this 24 hours is all we ask for. I couldn't comprehend a lifetime without drinking either but when I was told that I only had to worry about today it was like a lightbulb going off. I can stay sober for 24 hours. I can do damn near anything for 24 hours. And I did. Then when I wake up tomorrow I'll worry about that 24 hours, but right now today is all that matters and today I'm sober.

Keep coming back and we'll stay sober one day at a time together. :)

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Nina, if you are drinking in the morning, that's not a good sign. I drank every day and had lot of problems because of it. 100's of blackouts, DUIs, trips to jail.... but I never drank in the morning. Something about that scared the crap out of me. This disease is progressive. It takes over and the final stages are morning drinking, then around the clock drinking. When we get to the point of knowing that if we keep drinking we are going to die, go to jail or a mental institution, then we're ready to do whatever it takes.

You'll find meetings full of people just like us, just like the people that you liked to drink with, the "life of the party" types. lol. Not much has changed except we've learned how to have fun without drinking. This is not a death sentence, it's a Life sentence. google for meetings in your area or call the local AA phone number and ask them for a good meeting to go to. Get busy before your disease talks you out of it.

-- Edited by StPeteDean on Sunday 27th of January 2013 01:26:33 PM

Stepchild · MIP Old Timer

Fear of failing was one of my many fears....I prayed for help everyday...And I hadn't prayed in 35 years of drinking. 19 months later without a drink....I'm still praying...Mostly for others and to give thanks. What worked for me was...The Big Book.(Given above)....A sponsor to show me how this works....And an honest effort at the steps....It changed my life. Welcome!

2granddaughters · Senior Member

Fear of failing was a horrible fear .. closely followed by fear of success.

Welcome ninasmiles, this might just be your lucky day !

As others above have stated I found lasting sobriety, sanity and serenity in the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous.

I wish you the best.

Bob R

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Hello Nina and welcome to the Board, we're all family here.

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

Welcome to MIP Nina ... ... ... read some more posts here on this board ... it will help you determine if what we have here is what you're looking for ... if so, you're welcome to jump right in and be 'family' here ...

BUT, getting to F-to-F meetings is key to finding and living the solution you seek in this life ... stick around if you dare ...

Stepchild · MIP Old Timer

2granddaughters wrote:
Fear of failing was a horrible fear .. closely followed by fear of success.

Ahh yes...The fear of success. I've wondered if the fact that AA works for so many was one thing that kept me away from the rooms for so long. My alcoholic mind would ask me how I would survive without the only coping tool I had....Alcohol. How would I live without it?.....Another fear. The answer to that question for me today is.....Quite nicely.

justadrunk · MIP Old Timer

Welcome! I was a full blown alcoholic at 21 quite suddenly - and I sure wish I would have listened to my Mother back then when she told me to go to AA. I thought AA was for old people who drank too much coffee and smoked too many cigarettes (you know, cuz the pack a day I was smoking was somehow better than) LOL

When I was 23 a guy left me at the alter because I was drunk. I couldn't not be drunk already at that point in my life : (

I also got 2 DWI's that year. I lost my jobs - and drank round the clock for months. I had to go into the hospital for a septic infection and they soon discovered my need for detox. I was there for 3 days and don't remember much other than thinking I could get to the bathroom and falling out of bed, and my brother's worried look at one point when I came to, as he sat next to me on my death bed. I was told in the beginning I had about a 50% chance of survival. What??? I'm 23! I'm beautiful! I'm intelligent! I went to college! I have my own apartment! I have been the manager at my work place! NO WAY WAS I AN ALCOHOLIC - DON'T EVEN SAY THAT SWEAR WORD = and NO way was it going to kill me! Not possible!

But as I think back on it - yup - I probably should have died with all I put my mind/body/spirit through.

It was however enough to scare me out of drinking for a couple years - but I do have a built in forgetter called alcoholism... so it wasn't long before I was drinking again... but in that sober time, I had met my -now- husband, and also had my first child. I had started drinking again after a couple years, but then my daughter came alone - so another year of no drinking. Anyway - for the last couple of years, I was right back at it the way I was a decade ago and for a good 2 years - the last 9 months or so got really really out of control and I did finally finish earning my spot in AA and I'm so grateful I made it out alive... only by the Grace of the God of my understanding : )

So I am proud of you for coming here - and listening to that intuitive voice. Very wonderful news for you and your family!

Hopefully you can shave off that last decade or 2 or 3 that most of us go through : )

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Tasha, all of that and there was still some wonder "IF" left in you when you found this place.

I too knew I was an alcoholic at age 16. My Mother was 1 year sober in AA at the time. I knew that one day I would be in AA too, but I was going to ride that train till it jumped the tracks, and If I lived, I'd crawl down to AA and be miserable, or so I thought.

I couldn't have been more delusional. This wonderful life is like no other. Only through having gone to the gates of hell and insanity could the contrast be so lovely. Good luck in your new journey.

ninasmiles · Newbie

"My alcoholic mind..." Is the struggle. Its like there is two of me. One who wants to grow to be a successful and strong woman. Who achieved goals and helped others. And be the best me for my friends, family, and even my community. But then there's my alcoholic side. The one that wants to be the life of the party, the one who no one can hurt, who thinks she is hot sh*t. And the one who once drunk thinks there's no way I can give this up this is a blast. I even caught myself setting an alarm on my phone to wake me up so I could start drinking in the morning. My alcoholic mind knew if I slept in too long id be hung over yet again and would try to quit again. I want to defeat my alcoholic mind and never fear it again. I came here first because I have always said I'm going to quit but never got help. I'm a very outgoing person and love people but for some reason I can't help but feel shy and nervous when thinking of showing up to a meeting. Finding this forum was a first step.. being able to post my thoughts for others to read helps put it out there and now with your responses and encouragement for AA helps with my next step..to actually go to a meeting. I would love to keep everyone posted on my efforts. I view my postings sort of as a journal entry. I think too fast for my hand to keep up and I have access to this through my phone so anywhere at anytime. I've really enjoyed reading the other posts. And really appreciate the makers!

ninasmiles · Newbie

One day down. Now onto my next 24 hours :)

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

ninasmiles wrote:
"My alcoholic mind..." Is the struggle. Its like there is two of me. One who wants to grow to be a successful and strong woman. Who achieved goals and helped others. And be the best me for my friends, family, and even my community. But then there's my alcoholic side. The one that wants to be the life of the party, the one who no one can hurt, who thinks she is hot sh*t. !

What if we promised you that you could be BOTH these people ??? ... minus the alcohol??? ... Interested???

Just for 'Today', don't take a drink, go to a meeting, get a BB (Big Book = Alcoholics Anonymous book) ... for the next couple days, read the 1st 164 pages of the BB ...

Next day ... don't take a drink, go to a meeting, read more out of the BB, ... and say 'Hi' to at least two people at the meeting ...

Okay, now it's Tuesday, guess what we're going to do 'Today' ... ??? ... Just for Today, we are not going to take a drink, we're going to go to a meeting, and we're going to read some more out of the BB ...

Okay, now it's Wednesday, ... If you don't know what we're going to do Today, then you don't belong here, or you're a real slow learner ...

ninasmiles · Newbie

Thank you for the encouragement. I found a meeting for tonight! And already got a BB from my mother..who also struggles with the disease. I am confident after reading everyones post. Is it bad to bring someone with? Like my husband? He doesn't have a problem, but id love him with me and maybe he could better understand it?

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

There's pluses and minuses on that. My wife has been to a couple of anniversary meetings to celebrate with me, but I was close to 4 years sober when we met and it was years later that she went to a meeting with me. If you do take him, take him to a "speaker's meeting", those are "Open meetings".

Stepchild · MIP Old Timer

You can take your husband with you...As Dean mentioned...If it's marked as an open meeting. I found for myself...Going alone....Really admitting that I had this problem...And I was willing to do what it takes to fix it...Gave me a great sense of relief....I knew when I left I was where I was supposed to be...And who I was supposed to be with...These people were just like me...Was I scared?.....Terrified was a better word. But it didn't take me long to hear what they said....And that gave me hope.....That was something I didn't have any of. Your call...Either way...Let us know how it went. Here is a great site you can look at before you go...It covers a first meeting pretty well....Even the fear part.

http://www.bma-wellness.com/papers/First_AA_Meeting.html

justadrunk · MIP Old Timer

Dean... there were no ifs... just no priority. I failed to put myself and my sobriety first when i first got here. Hopefully Nina can make her sobriety number one from here on out!

pinkchip · MIP Old Timer

Nina - You are young but being in AA is what will GIVE you a life. Otherwise, it's gonna be a sad story and a rock bottom that will be much harder to crawl out of. You do not have to ride the alcoholic elevator all the way to the bottom floor. Step off now.

Also, when your friends say "Just have one with me!" that is something they will stop doing in all likelihood when and if they know you are in recovery. They lack the social skills (probably cuz some but not all of them might be binge drinkers or alcoholics too) to just say "I want to spend some time with you."

Having a beer or any other drink "with" someone is just a stupid way of cementing a relationship or having a bonding experience. To me it might as well be "Let's pick our nose together" or "Let's play juggle chainsaws together"...."Just 1 time cuz that will be a testament to our friendship." Huh? What? How dumb. I didn't know I could share moments and bond with folks without alcohol. In fact, it's the ONLY way I GET to do that. I used to think similar to you and how awkward it would be to have to say no when people said "have a drink with me" or "lets meet for cocktails." Well....it's not awkward. I look at the whole practice of "meeting for cocktails" or having "1 or 2 drinks" as stupid....And it is stupid. Not necessarily for them but it VERY STUPID for me. Fact of the matter is that the only way I can socialize or be around normies in clubs, bars, parties, weddings.....whatever is for me to NOT drink. Who knew? Now I can have all the fun they have like a normal person. I don't get smashed, embarrass myself, do things I regret, have horrible hangovers, waste all my money, drive drunk, and hurt people I love. I don't do that chasing the delusion that my drinking is like it is for normal people (which is having 1 or 2 to unwind). I just cannot do that. No biggie. I gain the world from giving up on that 1 simple delusion. Hence that brings me to step 1: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and it had made our lives unmanageable.

Alcohol doesn't "work" for you cuz you are an alcoholic. You won't ever "defeat" your alcoholic mind like you said you want to. You can learn tools to deal with it though in AA. You surrender to the fact that, as far as alcohol is concerned, you are just not normal and never will be. Through that surrender (not a fight) you start building a foundation for ongoing sobriety.

So Nina, I am literally saying a prayer for you right now cuz I'm going to figuratively and symbolically try and give you the gift I never got. My 20's and half my 30's were spent in a dysfunctional drunken hazy mess. You have a chance to enjoy your youth and remember it. My 20's and 30's are not coming back. Yours can be what you make of them, but only if you stay sober and are willing to grab onto this program.

Don't entertain thoughts of failure. Either way you will be better for trying AA and giving it your best effort.

Welcome and keep us posted!!

tomsteve · Senior Member

a line from the big book comes to mind, and one i am sure you will hear at meetings:

'rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path."

Stepchild · MIP Old Timer

How true it is Tomsteve!

RubyTues · MIP Old Timer

Welcome, Nina. I really identified with your posts. A lot. I always knew that I was an alcoholic, and I had the opportunity on a number of occasions throughout my 20s to get help. I chose not to, and here I am in my 30s figuring this all out. What I'm saying is, the problem won't go away. I had times when I sort of made myself believe that I'd licked it, only to go out and have some sort of terribleness happen all over again. Keep coming back and talking to us. That's awesome that you are going to a meeting tonight.

justadrunk · MIP Old Timer

Well said Ruby!

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

tomsteve wrote:
a line from the big book comes to mind, and one i am sure you will hear at meetings:
'rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path."

That's pretty much a guarantee right there. biggrin

Rob84 · MIP Old Timer

Hi Nina,

Welcome to the MIP forum! A lot of good things said above. I seems like you bevieve you are alcoholic and that you need to quit. If this is true, there is a solution in the rooms of AA.

I came to AA at 24 and after a rocky few months, finally made recovery my first priority in life and have enjoyed a lot of years of sobriety since. We are in the grips of a fatal disease, a bandaid won't cure it.

I can assure you friends, family, work and social life (after awhile) will better than ever, most people don't get drunk and don't care if you drink or not, if they do they probably have a drinking problem themselves.

Like it was said above you could got to a open meeting with your husband or call the local AA office and they can give you numbers of people who might give you a ride or meet you at the meeting.

Stepchild · MIP Old Timer

I pray you're doing well Nina....And moving forward one day at a time.

"If all I do is stay sober today, then it's been a good day."