Before I came here to MIP - I was so clueless about alcoholism. The very thing rippling through my vanes I *chose* to never look into. Hmmmm... why is that? Why do I research every ingredient list on every item of food I put in my cart, and what it will do to my body - and if it contains cancer agents, or fat, or how much protein etc - but NEVER ever the alcohol? Well, because like millions of other people - maybe billions - I have an addiction.
The same goes for a sugar addict who will block out the harmful affects of a eating a box of cookies - because one more box isn't going to kill me - as I sit here crunching an organic cookie lol... the irony HAHA!
Anyway - what got me was that it wasn't just me with all these weird behaviors - it's all people with an addiction to something. It all works the same way for all of us. So that means that what I have is just a common problem with a fairly simple solution - problem is - my own brain power works against me. It's not like the diabetic who can just take a shot - I have to convince myself, that what I'm convincing myself of... isn't real! For cryin out LOUD! That is messed up. But - it is what it is. Just like the diabetic who has to take their insulin in the morning, I have to take *steps*. That's my shot. When I stop taking my shot - my brain pretty much turns to addictive thinking right away within 24 hours... just like the diabetic can be in a world of hurt that fast.
It's a daily thing, but really - it's a lot of fun and the rewards are huge - way better than a cookie : )
Once I wondered if I would take a drink if someone offered me a million dollars. I had to wonder for quite a while because there were still parts of my addictive me alive at that point. I thought for sure it would be no problem, and for a million bucks - I could surely sneak by with one.
Today is a better day. I had the opportunity to do the steps since then, and I have been privileged enough to have 10 months of seeking a spiritual solution as of today.
Now I know that the answer to the million dollar question is: NO!
-- Edited by justadrunk on Friday 25th of January 2013 04:11:47 PM
__________________
Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
I once read a book on Buddhism and the most memorable image, for me, was the Buddha sitting underneath the Bodhi tree meditating while the demon Mara tried to tempt him to fall from grace. He tried to terrorize him with images of death and hell, he tried to seduce him with images of beautiful women and wealth, and he tried to pursuade him with promises of everlasting bliss. Through all of it, the Buddha remained steadfast in his meditation. After futile attempts to drag the Buddha down, the demon Mara eventually gave up and the Buddha attained enlightenment.
I cannot think of a better metaphor for alcohol and temptation. The promises, the terror, and the lies - all illusions that have tricked me into plunging myself into the bottle. I keep this image in my mind these days when I am tempted to drink. I think about the reality that the only lasting happiness and enlightenment come with patience and virtue. What I continue to be struck by, though, is the feeling sometimes that my addiction actually does have a personality of its own that seeks to destroy me with alcoholism. I don't understand where it comes from, but it is strong.
I have learned a lot about addiction chemically, but I would like to learn more about it from various spiritual perspectives. I have a tendency to believe that most religion and spirituality is very real in its symbolism and reflection of reality, if not literal. Nothing, in my opinion, is more demonic than addiction. It tempts, it lies, and it destroys with no qualms whatsoever. I need to constantly remember that during those moments when the little voice inside my head begins to tell me how *this* time, everything will be different with just one or two drinks.
Thanks for letting me get that out. I hope everyone's year is off to a good start :)
-Adam
__________________
When every situation which life can offer is turned to the profit of spiritual growth, no situation can really be a bad one.-Paul Brunton
I need to constantly remember that during those moments when the little voice inside my head begins to tell me how *this* time, everything will be different with just one or two drinks.
The thing that amazes me about the Big Book...Is I haven't run across a question it hasn't addressed. From More About Alcoholism.
Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.
I have learned a lot about addiction chemically, but I would like to learn more about it from various spiritual perspective
In my opinion...The chapter We Agnostics....Is one of the finest pieces of writing on sprituality I've ever read. And it was written by a drunk.
Before I came here to MIP - I was so clueless about alcoholism. The very thing rippling through my vanes I *chose* to never look into. Hmmmm... why is that? Why do I research every ingredient list on every item of food I put in my cart, and what it will do to my body - and if it contains cancer agents, or fat, or how much protein etc - but NEVER ever the alcohol? Well, because like millions of other people - maybe billions - I have an addiction.
The same goes for a sugar addict who will block out the harmful affects of a eating a box of cookies - because one more box isn't going to kill me - as I sit here crunching an organic cookie lol... the irony HAHA!
Damn girl, ... ... ... Do you have a camera hidden in MY house??? ... ... ...
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
