Real quick cause its late, but i want to post cause im secretly proud of myself. So... Due to "martin luther king day" i had to work on my day off, and i had signed up for 4 double shifts. (extra expenses n all) so today was my 8th day working in a row, and i still have to work tomorrow (friday) but i have the weekend off.
I come home and im EXHAUSTED. im emotionally and physically burnt out. And i just didnt want to do anything for anyone at all when i got home today. And an old friend (i mean, havent talked to him in four years or more) texts me. "i got some mollies! You in?" and i stared at it. Relished in the thought, remembered and allowed myself to feel the last time i took a molly. And then i followed through with the events (excitement, build up, euphoria, out of self, parents found out, banned from hanging out any more) and i deleted the text- no reply. And took a much needed nap.
Just for today: i won this battle.
__________________
In the end, everything will be alright. If it is not alright, it is not the end... Paulo coelho (also marigold hotel)
Good work Neo. Molly(MDMA) aint no joke and definitely you were able to wind the tape to the end and remember your last trip. I could only suggest informing your "old friend" that you are working your process of recovery,a day at a time and not going there again.It will be another step forward. Thanks for sharing your situation it helps to reenforce doing the next best thing for your recovery...Just For Today,keep your thoughts on your new associations, people who arent using and have found a new way of life,,, as long as you follow that way ,you will have nothing to fear...In support,, and we are reminded,, for us, all mind altering ,mood changing substances are deadly X def marks the spot I would also suggest calling and talking with your sponsor and seeking your MAIN sponsor,the God of your understanding....
__________________
Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Ah...Mad Dog Acid...I didn't miss that one. You know in my long using career...I dabbled with some drugs....But nothing brought me to my knees like alcohol did. Yeah...I'd stay away from that stuff. You know having a clean mind....Is probably the best high I've ever had.
Congrats Neo ... ... ... proud of you ... don't forget there's an invaluable source of strength right there with you ... don't forget prayer is a good way to tap into this ever available power ...
Of course you know that already ...
Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I'm just your plain ol' drunkard - so I'm glad the molly reference was clarified. I didn't know there were different types of acid. I'm trying to learn more about drugs now that my son is in school. I want to know what's current and not be a dumb parent who could have stuff going on right under their nose and be clueless.
Thanks for the post : )
__________________
Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Thanks for your suppost guys. Just thought id try to help any lurkers around here that may have had a similar situation. And today i have a clean concious.
__________________
In the end, everything will be alright. If it is not alright, it is not the end... Paulo coelho (also marigold hotel)
Wait, there's something called an urban dictionary???? Now that makes me feel old. :) Nice to hear from you Neo. Glad you are doing well and moving forward in your recovery. Those double shifts will catch up with you, be careful. In your time of taking care of others, don't forget to take care of you. (((hugs)))
What's this 'Urban' dictionary of which you speak ??? ... ... ... the only one I ever had says 'Webster's' on the front ... ... ... is there really another one ???
P.S. I just pulled it off the bookshelf ... it's called 'Webster's New Twentieth Century Dictionary' (Unabridged) ... Second Edition - copyright 1955
-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Saturday 26th of January 2013 04:16:19 PM
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Wait, there's something called an urban dictionary???? Now that makes me feel old. :) Nice to hear from you Neo. Glad you are doing well and moving forward in your recovery. Those double shifts will catch up with you, be careful. In your time of taking care of others, don't forget to take care of you. (((hugs)))
__________________
I asked God for all things that I may enjoy life. He gave me life so that I may enjoy all things.
Urban dictionary is an online dictionary for you ol' farts (lol) to keep up with todays slang. Google urban dictionary, its not always the most reliable, but always worth a good laugh.
__________________
In the end, everything will be alright. If it is not alright, it is not the end... Paulo coelho (also marigold hotel)
Just FYI--Molly is not acid or MDMA.............. "A close analog of MDMA, Molly takes users down a different experiential road. Whereas ecstasy creates a magical experience for its users, Molly on can stimulate and agitate a user. Further, as the dosage increases, users can experience frank hallucinations and bizarre ideation. ER patients often present with racing heart rates, skyrocketing blood pressure, and on the brink of seizure. There have been fatalities reported with the use of Molly. Others have been seriously injured as a result of seizures caused by the drug. For the chemically naive user, Molly is very dangerous experimentation." from the DAR Journal this month. I posted this NOT to get into drug nostalgia, but just to warn that this one plays Russian roulette with your safety.
Yeah...These kids today...They have too many toys to play with...It's tragic. When I went into rehab for my alcoholism...Out of 40 of us...There were 10 of us there for that...The other 30 were young kids with Roxy and Xanax addictions.....It was really sad....I thank God I didn't have that around as a kid....I probably wouldn't be here.....I almost did myself in with alcohol.
Leeu, thanks for posting that. I sent a strictly informative pm to tasha since she asked, but didnt want to post it publicly 1. Because i didnt want to sound "nostalgiac" or "glorifying" and 2. Anyone who was really curious coukd just use google. So thanks for doing that for me.
And really, for all the intelligence we have, (alcpholics all have at least two things in common, extreme creativity and intelligence) i always assumed that we did so much research on how to get a "better" high or "more bang for your buck" that most of us had some basic knowledge of how to manipulate the body/chemical process.
Thanks leeu
__________________
In the end, everything will be alright. If it is not alright, it is not the end... Paulo coelho (also marigold hotel)
