Along with this wonderful daily reprieve from active alcoholism, I have been blessed with many amazing opportunities to inventory the crux of my problem i.e. myself and it seems like when I am paying attention I actually learn something. Over the last few weeks, I have realized that in my lifetime, I have always aligned my vision for my life with my current circumstances rather than having a vision and allowing that to guide my life. Do any of you guys know how fruitless it is to steer a ship without a destination? Or how much funk we invite in when we allow our circumstances to define us?
So lately, I have been redefining my definition of recovery and I am learning that what I most want out of my recovery is the discovery and recovery of my authentic and genuine self along with the maintenance of a continual conscious contact with God so that, in learning what truly matters to me and to Him, I can adopt his vision for my life and become a vessel truly fit for his service. Recovery for me means continuing to abstain from the substances, people, and situations that I used to use to block out my pain. Recovery means being still and being present in the here and now so that I can hear the voice of God. Recovery means discovering who Victoria is and loving that person no matter what I may learn about her. Recovery means making this same awesome relief that I am experiencing available to other people because that is the only way I can truly enjoy it for myself.
I feel like I am entering a new stage in my recovery. I have started writing again, which is HUGE for me. I am reading new materials, finding new ways to make older materials more useful, and I am learning new ways to put my recovery first. I am learning to listen to my children, my conscience and to God about what really matters in my parenting. I am learning how to be a good and supportive friend without taking on the problems of others as my own and therefore avoiding my own solutions. And I am learning to ask for help without becoming a drain. (I mean, if I'm going to ask, I should use the help instead of continuing to bemoan the problem, right?)
In short, I'm saying that I feel a new excitement about my journey, not unlike the excitement I felt when I returned to the rooms 374 days ago. And hey, my mind has even opened up to the possibility of laying down these cigarettes when my pack is empty. (Now, that WOULD be huge).
Thanks folks for letting me share. I hope you all enjoy a wonderful day in recovery. But if you are having a crappy one, feel free to hit me up at solanogypsy@gmail.com or breathingsince72@yahoo.com. I have messenger and google talk on my phone and always have an ear and shoulder available for a fellow recovering person. Love you guys! Thanks for loving me.
__________________
"And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned."
Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 84
An addict is WHAT I am but it does not define all of WHO I am.
Hey SG, ... I haven't had a cigarette in 14 days now, yea me ... but to help with that I'm not only praying for the desire to be lifted, I'm taking Chantix too ... it's working ... I hate the Chantix though, it's rough on the digestive system and makes me extremely tired and have the weirdest dreams ... My over-all mood lately hasn't been ideal either ... just hope i haven't let that spill over too much here on this board ...
This is like your 'new journey' post above ... trying to pay attention to what God's will for me is ... and I hope it's not to gain a hundred pounds, cause the bathroom scale is continuing to climb the longer I don't smoke ... I figure the doctor is goin' to b_tch at me either way ... LOL ... (TootsieRoll 'Pops' are great for keeping your mouth busy ... and your mind off cigarettes ...)
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Pappy, 14 days is a miracle! I put on a patch last night and was smoking with it on this morning. Ooowie. Burr I have heard some really goods things about Chantix. I may have to talk to my doc about that one.
I know you already know the rest...when all else fails, try God and try the steps. It sounds like that's what you're doing though. If the oral aspect of the habit played a big party for you, I'm finding the vapor e cigarettes really help. They do have some nicotine but it us very minute and they don't have any of the other crap cigarettes contain.
I didn't get 24 off the cigs yet, but tomorrow is another day.
I really appreciate you guys.
XOXOXO
__________________
"And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned."
Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 84
An addict is WHAT I am but it does not define all of WHO I am.
That's great Tasha, ... the 7 years I mean, not the visual you mentioned ... Keep trying SG ...
What I've started telling myself lately, is that there isn't a medical condition I have that smoking a cigarette won't make worse ... (my Dentist even gave me a lecture on how it effects my teeth, beside the dis-colorization, WOW, who knew?) ... ... ...
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Along with this wonderful daily reprieve from active alcoholism, I have been blessed with many amazing opportunities to inventory the crux of my problem i.e. myself and it seems like when I am paying attention I actually learn something. Over the last few weeks, I have realized that in my lifetime, I have always aligned my vision for my life with my current circumstances rather than having a vision and allowing that to guide my life. Do any of you guys know how fruitless it is to steer a ship without a destination? Or how much funk we invite in when we allow our circumstances to define us?