Everything was going great, you might even say I was getting a little cocksure of myself and my newfound mature outlook on sobriety...and then I got absolutely hammered. I'm sitting here asking myself why I did it and I have no answers. None that make sense anyway.
This is one of the reasons they put in the book that 'alcohol is cunning, baffling, and powerful' ... because it is ... only by working closely with another alcoholic can we make any progress here in AA ...
I really do admire you this time Sober Mc, cause I can see a total different change in your attitude as opposed to your long past posts ... you truly seem to be looking for the answers rather than taking it lightly ... I am encouraged for you by this ... to me ? ... the situation seems simple enough, you have a decision to make, and only you can make it, no-one else but you gets to do this today ... you must decide, ... are you going to go 'our way of life' or are you going to go 'your way of life' ??? ...
I told my sponsor, I don't want to do either one ... He said, I didn't ask you what you WANTED to do, I asked you what you were GOING to do !!! ... ... ...
There ... ... ... The question is before you, you decide ... we'll be here ... (you don't even know 1/2 the pain ahead of you if you chose to keep on the path you're on ... I pray you make the right decision!)
Love ya and God Bless,
Pappy
-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Tuesday 15th of January 2013 09:05:35 AM
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Maybe I need to wake up in jail or the hospital to get it through my thick skull that I'm destroying myself.
be careful what you ask for. the universe will provide . McHappy, this report lacks details of meeting frequency and contact with sponsor and other sober folks in your network, to understand the exact nature of where you went south on this. Please provide some details.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Tuesday 15th of January 2013 10:28:22 AM
Everything was going great, you might even say I was getting a little cocksure of myself and my newfound mature outlook on sobriety...and then I got absolutely hammered. I'm sitting here asking myself why I did it and I have no answers. None that make sense anyway. I don't drive drunk, fight anyone or end up in jail but maybe that's not for the best. Maybe I need more than just the crushing despair and remorse of the morning after. Maybe I need to wake up in jail or the hospital to get it through my thick skull that I'm destroying myself.
Oh well, time to dust off my tight fittin jeans and get back on the horse.
What else can I do?
Been there many times all you can do is thank your hp that you didn't end up in jail or the hospital and start over, progress not perfection, you came a long way already, get involved, get to a meeting, do ANYTHING but drink, prayers sent your way.
This time nothing bad happened, but maybe not next time, it may take 20 more times but play with fire and you eventually get burned. Just hpe it doesn't effect that little kid in your life. Nothing worse for a kid than wondering why the bottle was more important than a happy life together. Harsh realty, but that's what keeps me sober!
Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves...
What aren't you doing that you should be doing? Think hard and think honest and you'll find it.
Mchappy, I got shivers as I read your post. I've been in your shoes, exactly. I'd sit in AA with the reservation that one day I would be able to drink like a normal person. The wishful thinking of an Alcoholic. I'd sit in meetings with no horrific wreckage- I thought! Eventhough I was asked not to come back home and lived with mommy. Been to 3 detox's and almost lost a job. Was starting to blackout while drinking. Not enough for this Alcoholic.
So, one Friday came and the thought a drink would be good. My anchors(family) are gone, I can do this. Cunning, baffling and powerful. Subtle, but powerful. I set the stage, I would drink entirely different than the past. I would even eat first. Have a few beers and life would be good.
Well, I took that first drink and blacked out at 9:00pm and woke up at 9:00am in jail. Made a stop along the way to the hospital. Someone brought me there after getting thrown out of the establishment I was drinking at. The only memory of the 12 hours that past was when the police brought me out of the hospital in cuffs and to jail. Like :30 secs from 12 hours.
Well- I found a new bottom. This brought surrender to a new level. I could not drink in safety any longer. Was I going to go on blotted out realty to the bitter end or accept Spiritual help? I'm grateful today that I accepted Spiritual help.
I hope you embrace the entire Program of AA before something like this happens to you or woarse.
One question: because I care- What are you going to do different?
Hey bro, glad you didnt assume room temp. Your answer to WHY is SLIP. Sobriety Lost Its Priority.. Remember, keep doin whay your doin, you'll keep gettin what your gettin..
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Since it cost a lot to win, and even more to loose, you and me gotta spend some time just wondering what to choose.
Ditto Dean. What are you doing in your recovery to build up a strong program. You lack defense against the first drink until you work this with everything you've got.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
"The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink."
Notice it says power of choice IN drink. Not power to choose not to drink. This means we have lost the power of choice either way, we can drink without any conscious choice in the matter. Sometimes there is a debate, a battle if you like, but not always. This is the inability to manage the choice not to drink and was completely baffling for me as well.
Having now identified the problem (step 1) we have to decide on a solution. The AA solution is spiritual in nature and on the first analysis says basically that your defense against the first drink must come from a power greater than yourself, and we have a method, the 12 steps, to connect you with that power. You have been carrying out your own assessment of that as a possible solution by attending meetings and meeting people who have been where you are and found a way out. For the most part, those that have recovered give the credit to the steps and the higher power of their understanding. Are they telling the truth? Do you believe the evidence of your own eyes?
"If you are as seriously alcoholic as we were, we believe there is no middle-of-the-road solution. We were in a position where life was becoming impossible, and if we had passed into the region from which there is no return through human aid, we had but two alternatives: One was to go on to the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of our intolerable situation as best we could; and the other, to accept spiritual help."
Is it possible that the power that helped these others could help you too? Do you believe or ar you even willing to believe that a power greater than youself can restore you to sanity? This is step 2. If you answer yes, then you have decided that AA is the solution to the problem, so the next thing is to make a decision to completely give yourself to this simple program - step 3. Instructions for this important step start on page 60. On page 63 having taken step 3, we are called to immediate action with the remaining steps.
Identify problem, identify solutions, decide on solution, take action. A very logical and simple process.
Well said Mikeh! Of course there is this little matter of ego, that keeps a good number of us from moving forward.
This program is full of counter-intuitive cliches like "Egomaniac with low self esteem" , "Surrender to win", "Give it away to keep it", and "The first drink gets you drunk". What these mind benders did for me was to help me realize that my thinking was the problem. There is no thinking or talking your way out of this disease. Only certain actions can bring about a psychic change necessary to get and stay sober.
Sober...I realized when I got into recovery that I could not trust myself to get and keep sobriety. I was going to get it and hold on to it because of and from others and that is how I did it. I stopped trusting myself and started following the winners around, hanging with them at the meetings after the meetings and sticking with the literature and the slogans and phones in between. The phones were harder than the rest of it and still I overcame that reluctance. Don't be surprised...you've been here much to long to do that with yourself...You know and know that you know and you got nailed. Call your sponsor...get to the first meeting you can and tell on yourself...get back into the first part of the first step and keep coming back for support.
I have nothing specific to add other than I have been there & gotten some great advice from this board. Mainly not to beat myself up & get back on the beam. Be nice to yourself.
It's been my experience that to get and stay sober you have to immerse yourself in the program and change pretty much everything in your life. I look back at what I was doing 7 years ago and it is the exact opposite of what I'm doing now, and I am certainly grateful for that. AA is an extremely simple program, but you have to actually do it.
. McHappy, this report lacks details of meeting frequency and contact with sponsor and other sober folks in your network, to understand the exact nature of where you went south on this. 
Please provide some details. 