Hi Col, it sounds like a bit of a mission, but there seem to be a number of different ideas on what a fourth step is. I keep mentioning our now closed treatment centre which was pretty effective in its work, but I mention it mostly because probably 80% of our membership with over 5 years sobriety went there. At QMH as it was called, everyone was taken through the steps upto and including step 5. The QMH teaching was that step 4 is a written step 5 and once it has been read to the priest or counsellor, it should be burnt. The folks tended to write epic novel like life stories of many pages, 30 wasn't unusual, but in this undertaking they always had therapists, counsellors, priests and nurses to call on for help. Now there is no QMH, but many of these folks teach this method of doing step 4 but without the readily available therapists, so it becomes a daunting undertaking, and it differs a little from the procedure in the book. Many become discouraged and get bogged down.
In the early days step 4 was very simple often written on the back of a business card by the sponsor, perhaps because the pigeon was too shaky to write. When I took mine it took about 4-6 hours in the company of my sponsor and with his help. The objective was to get to causes and conditions, to put my finger on some of my grosser handicaps. While we tend to confuse honesty with accuracy, in my mental condition accuracy was not really a realistic aim, it was honest and over the years has turned out to be surprisingly accurate.
The next day we moved onto the 5th which took about the same time. Then on from there.
God bless, MikeH
-- Edited by Fyne Spirit on Sunday 13th of January 2013 09:58:13 PM
Goodness, Ive been working on step 4 for a long time! Months! I understand the need for being thorough, and that it's a crucial step. It just seems to be a very drawn out process. I don't know if it's me, or my sponser, or that I just have more work than most to do- but most people I've heard talk about it have moved on in step work quicker. I'm getting frustrated, and patience is not a strength of mine. I realize this is a journey, not a race. I just feel a bit stuck. Just curious if anybody else felt this way?
Yes that is a long time. What is taking so long? Are you confused about something? Are you not getting clear direction? Or are you just dragging your feet and not doing it. I did that for a while... but once I set my mind to it, there wasn't much lag time, and then there was a bit of trouble getting time with my sponsor for the 5th, but only a couple weeks I think. What's going on Col?
A lady today with 25 yrs says she has her sponsee's do a step a month. I think that's a really drug out process... but to be on ONE step for months... well... something like procrastination or fear might be the real problem. That was the deadly mix I had sitting on my cupboard next to my empty notebook.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
For years I came in and out of the rooms of AA ... I always seemed to get stuck on step 4 ... I'd procrastinate, then get frustrated, then give up ... and as you might guess, it wasn't long before I drank again ...
My last experience was in rehab where the doctor I had, a tall, big guy, who was a recovering alcoholic himself, gave me assignments based on the steps and expected a sincere report back to him ... he scared me, literally ... and toward the end of my rehab time, he had me do a lengthy step 4 for homework ... I hated it ... he insisted I start a 'resentment list' beginning from my very first memories of life til current day ...
The list I gave him included virtually every person I ever knew in my lifetime ... (He required this over a 3 day period) ... you know, essentially, everyone I ever knew, pissed me off in some way or another ... (and years later, I still add someone to the list from doing step 10 ... which may or may not require me to repeat a step 9 ...) ... What I did was take this 'homework' for my doctor with me when I joined a 'home group' and got a sponsor ... within a very few weeks, I did my fifth with my sponsor and was eager to continue with the rest of the steps ...
I highly recommend you finish up your fourth this next week ... setup a meeting with your sponsor and get this all out of the way ... it appears to be holding you back from progressing in the program which is extremely important right now ... just do it ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Thanks guys.. I felt the same way but didn't want to show disrespect towards my sponser or her pace. There was a bit of procrastination on my part, as well. I'm glad that you both reaffirmed my own thoughts that it shouldn't take this long. I've felt a bit mired in the muck- stagnant. I just set up a time with my sponser and received clear cut direction on the last part of this. I'm very ready to move on with step work.
My sponsor is really encouraging of keeping the momentum. She has broken down step four into smaller steps to give a feeling of accomplishment before the step is through. I only have the first part of instructions: definitions, reading, and the resentment list. Col-I'm almost to 200. It's crazy. Like pappy, I think I'm angry at just about every person I have ever known. I'm eager to deal with that toxic waste. Deep breath. We can do this.
dear Col. There are trends which fall in and out of fashion in A.A. In the past 5 years I have heard many people speak of going thru the steps ( or offering to take people through...) in 5 HOURS or 3 DAYS... (they say) as "Dr. Bob did it"...Wellll......they omit the fact that dear Doc was obsessed with a desire TO DRINK, for the first 2 and one half years of his sobriety........... Our beloved steps are about THE TRUTH...a trip into a search for THE TRUTH....... I might say, " I admit I am powerless over alcohol" and my mind is saying an entirely different thing......THAT is NOT a first step ( and dooms the drunk, in my opinion )... It took me four months of ACTIVE work, just to experience a REAL FIRST step (the way the BB describes it)! The line in four "We went back through our live, nothing counted but thoroughness and honesty" will getcha every time!!! That line means " Do NOT proceed, from this place UNTILL you GO BACK THROUGH YOUR LIFE..... THOROUGHLY and HONESTLY! Ooooo big bummer lol! That 4th column/8th step list....took ages....to experience the forgiveness for EACH person, one by one, exactly the way the book instructs................ I believe in, and have experienced PROTECTION, from the first drink and drug, by actively being inside of the Work 20-45 plus minutes everyday (in addition to meetings, prayer and meditation, and service) I do so understand, that competition in the A.A. food chain (lol) is fierce, and we all wanna be the BEST EST lol A.A., but since that is ONLY about HOW I LOOK :), it is only about my ego....my disease....and cannot matter (yeah right LOLOLOL :) ;) ) My first fear and sex (ghastly) inventories went rather quickly, and they shared that I might know I am finished, if I am repeating myself......Soooooo.......If you are really becoming repeatative, and feel in your soul you are finished, our book says re: 5....."We dont delay".......... Well, I knew, and God knew....there was NO WAY I was gonna be able to do 5!!!! I might be able to fake it.......(lie)......but to tell another person......gulp......gasp.....that stuff???? Especially....you know....those 2 or 3 three things.......OMG!.... lol I needed to return to 1, 2 and 3.....admit, there was no way I could manage a real 5th step, be open to a god that could manage it ALL for me...and then surrender........well....after palpatations, throwing up in the back of my mouth....wetting myself....I GOT to show up, in spite of myself...........There is a way to check, if we have done a step properly.....If we experience the Promises of THAT step, we can KNOW, we have done it right....AND INDEED...there ARE 5th step Promises......look 'em up honey...they are soooooooooooo worth it.....bless you profusely...and Keep Coming Back! :)
