It really is. I didn't realize what a selfish person I really am. I'm having a really hard time coping with it. It feels hopeless that I will ever feel better from my past mistakes or stop being so self centered. It feels overwhelming. My sponsor saw that defeated look in me that I didn't realize others see. She is encouraging me and giving me more to work on. Going to head to another meeting today. I think I need to ask for G-d's help in forgiving myself and moving on. Progress not perfection, right? I just feel like such a jerk right now.
Chaya
Step 3 is only a decision to move on with the program. You've seen it working for others, and now you decide if you think it can work for you and that you'll go about doing it. You don't have to know HOW to turn your will and your life over to the care of God at this point - you learn that in the rest of the steps. Right now, you're just making a decision - yes I'm going to do this thing because I see it working for others - or no, I do not think this can work for me so I'm not going to do it.
That's it.
Correct me if I'm wrong oh wise ones out there, but this is how I understand it.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Me, too. Why is it so hard? We are control freaks and the thought of giving up control is foreign to us. That said, how is you "being in control" working out for you? Are you REALLY in control? Can you control how other people think and feel? Can you make the sdun rise and fall? Can you have just one drink?
If you are not, then who is?
Maybe decide to stop running your life, hop on the wagon and go along for the ride. Watch and learn while someone else drives.
I don't see step 3 as kicking your butt. I just see all the self realizations and insight as being disturbing and upsetting to you. This goes along with honestly working the steps to the best of your ability. It's a byproduct. Prior to coming into the program, we all tried to run the show. We were all sick bags of needs just bumping around into others and unintentionally or intentionally extorting them to meet or own sick agendas. I remember being horrified when I realized that all I'd ever done my adult life was leech onto people and play them. I never let myself develop into enough of an adult to even have a mature relationship. Talk about selfish...
Almost all my actions were based upon me trying to control the show and get people to take care of me, not leave me alone, and pacify me. Turns out my HP wanted me to stop shooting myself in the foot, to grow up, and enjoy the world for what it is and for it's many blessings.
Chaya, if I had a nickel for everytime I heard a newcomer say "Oh my God, I just realized how selfish I am!" I would be rich now. It's not that everyone who comes into the rooms has this humbling experience and busting down of the ego...but those that do are the ones that have a much better chance at making it. It may feel like you are messing up, but really you are moving through a difficult growth process and it's all ok. Keep moving forward.
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Our writings tell us in nice little summary, "our whole trouble has been the misuse of our willpower.WE tried to bombard our problems with it instead of attempting to bring it into agreement with God's(of our understandings) will, In times of strain and turbulence we can stop and remember the words of the serenity prayer,remember to instill in our hearts Thy will,not mine be done , take my will and my life ,guide me in my recovery ,teach me how to live. WE also remember that the decision we make, is not a once and for all action,I know for me it is daily,and it is a main help for me to remain free of complacency. And though the word decision sounds just like a mind thing,this is an action step,WE work to go forward and internalize our choices. We follow up our decisions with action ,in other words .I may decide to be a rocket scientist,but if I dont do the work ,that probably aint gonna happen.Just be another random thought.Sometimes our self will causes us isolation and withdrawal,sometimes it acts without any others consideration,circumstances not to our liking we may try to change to our liking anyway we can.When we identify what our self will is we come to know some of the things we do. It is a process,usually we initially turn our will over to the "care" of and then our lives(all of our lives as fathers,mothers,son,daughters employees,employers,friends etc )not just "Ill turn all these things over but continue to keep some others, I know as faltering humans there may be many times WE want to take our own self will back, (daily ?)but with continued 'COMMITMENT' to take action,do the work WE are able get out of the jam and back in the solution.Our spiritual principles of surrender and willingness followed by that all important commitment,that is making that decision to turn over to the care of over and over again even when we may think its not working.The spiritual progression goes from hope to faith and trust.. Sometimes we get caught up in our feelings, I don't see any jerks here :) I believe we are not bad people trying to get good ,WE are sick people,working a day at a time ,to getter better.WE get help through our honest sharing..Thanks for sharing today and the help,as Tasha stated as we move forward in the rest of our spiritual principles More is always revealed..Every entry I write here is underlined by our 3rd step statement "Selfishness-Self -centeredness! That WE believe is the root of our troubles...For me,a daily area of work,guided by God ,helps me to get better...:)
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Try changing "selfish" person to "inexperienced" person and lighten up on yourself...ever try grabbing a hold of a fistfull of water? How much do you get? Go to the meeting...keep reaching out and asking "Can you please help me" just like you do here. You didn't stop overnight so this recovery thing won't happen overnight either and you also have some added history regarding powers greater than Chaya to work on. "We learn to surrender absolutely..." practice, practice, practice. ((((hugs))))
It really is. I didn't realize what a selfish person I really am. I'm having a really hard time coping with it. It feels hopeless that I will ever feel better from my past mistakes or stop being so self centered. It feels overwhelming. My sponsor saw that defeated look in me that I didn't realize others see. She is encouraging me and giving me more to work on. Going to head to another meeting today. I think I need to ask for G-d's help in forgiving myself and moving on. Progress not perfection, right? I just feel like such a jerk right now. Chaya
Personally, I think Tasha makes a very good point ... :You've seen it working for others, and now you decide if you think it can work for you and that you'll go about doing it. You don't have to know HOW to turn your will and your life over to the care of God at this point - you learn that in the rest of the steps. Right now, you're just making a decision -
That's it ... don't make a big thing out of it, it's simply a decision ... by taking action and working the rest of the steps, you'll learn 'the HOW' ...
As far as 'forgiving yourself' ... ... ... an old timer asked me if I thought I was more special, or more powerful than God? ... I said, no of course not ... he said do you really believe that God will forgive you? ... I said yes, of course ... he said, then if God can forgive you, then why can't you forgive you??? ... WOW, I had never looked at it like that before ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Thanks for all the feedback and support. It's the realization that I'm selfish and self-centered that is getting me. It's true. I am. And that hurts. My ego is hurt and I am beating myself up for it. I really didn't realize it until I was asked to write 7 examples of selfishness for my step work. My examples were current and were humiliating to share. Ugh. It felt awful sharing about how I'm selfish now even without alcohol. So, step 3 itself I get. I can consciously work each day on turning my life over to G-d. That's not kicking my butt. I love it. It's wonderful. It's these darn growing pains in my step work. It's also quite difficult for me not to be in self-will. So, I did two meetings tonight and was asked to lead one. It really helped me to get out of myself. So now I know I'm selfish. I can look to G-d to help me through this one. I'm going to work on being grateful for this discomfort. Without it I'd be stagnant. I love you guys.
Like Tasha said, we are Just making a decision at this point.
For me this was actually a very freeing step, I was trying to play God and it didn't work, I was carrying my burdens and a lot of others on my shoulders> It seemed like just trying to get out of my head, doing my best and letting God do the rest was helping me to stay focused.
Turn the morbid reflexion over to God, be encouraged that you will soon have a design for living that works in all situations.
The rest of the steps will help us to perform this step later....namely getting rid of the things that had been blocking us (step covered in steps 4 and 5)
Pg 64 Though our decision was a vital and crucial step (step 3), it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face, and to be rid of, the things in ourselves which had been blocking us. Our liquor was but a symptom. So we had to get down to causes and conditions.
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
For me it's like being lost in the fog, no matter where I turn or where I go I'm still lost. Suddenly a hand came out of the fog. In step 1 I admitted I'm powerless in step 2 I came to believe in a power greater then myself. In step 3 I make a decision to turn my will and my life over to God. I'm lost in the fog of my life I have created so why not have the faith and the hope that if I take hold of the hand I will be lead out of the fog, nothing I've tried to this point has helped so why not take a chance and grab the hand of God.
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Tell me and I'll forget. Teach me and I'll remember. Involve me and I'll learn.
I, too, had a bit of trouble with this. I didn't 'get it' right away. Turn my will and life over? I couldn't wrap my head around it. I was still fighting. I was still angry with my Higher Power-even though I did fully understand that He intervened to save my life. It was a strange place to be. I prayed until I got it. Gosh, it felt like a great big exhale. A lot of tension and anger just dissipated. In terms of feeling like a selfish, immature, manipulative jerk? Well, I had to realize that I was a human being with many faults, and a couple of good traits thrown in, too. I realized that I have the power, with the help and guidance of my HP, to change the faults. They no longer have to define me.
So, step 3 itself I get. I can consciously work each day on turning my life over to G-d.
So what to do? I struggled with the idea of handing over. I heard people saying they did it but It didn't sound right to me. Handing over sounds passive. If I hand over the care of my garden to God, weeds is what I'll get. But if I pick up some tools and do some work, something of beauty can be created with God's help. So how do I know I have made this decision for real? Pick up the tools.
For many of us, just making the 3rd step decision doesn't bring on a lasting God consciousness. Aren't we really saying we are ready and willing to hand over, but at the present time we have no contact with our new manager. There are certain things blocking us off, so our first act in bringing this decision to fruition is to begin clearing the blockages so we might have contact with the one who has all power. It follows then that the third step decision, and the action of handing over, means that we start the 4th step. The work of turning our life over begins with step 4.
Step three is a step which deepens through continual practice. We are constantly discovering more areas in our life and recovery that we need to turn over to our Higher Powers care. This has been my experience.
If you have been thorough on steps one and two, you have learned that asserting your own will has not been working for you and that you may be skilled at creating youryour own problems. Step two provides that needed aha! that surely, there must be something that can manage all those things which you can't. Step three is a process that lasts a life time, learning how to turn our will and our lives over to the God of our understanding.
It sounds like you may be doing some morbid reflection which is something you want to avoid. You are right pin the precipice of a couple of major freedom step (steps for and five). The sooner you can work through those, the sooner you will be able to get some real relief from the disease.
You're right where you should be. It will get better if you keep working this program. Have a great day!
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"And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned."
Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 84
An addict is WHAT I am but it does not define all of WHO I am.
I can consciously work each day on turning my life over to G-d.
To the care of God....Care is an often overlooked word in that step. Step 3 for me was a decision to get into action....To take those steps...With His help....To rid myself from what was blocking me from good....From God.
