I thought I'd bring up this topic- Most of the end of my using and drinking was alone, and I have little desire to have any contact with many of the people I did hang aroudn during those last years of active addiction- But I have one friend of seven years who seems to be able to control his using/drinking, function and moderate- I'd like to hang out with him sober, since my drinking has sabotaged other attempts at spending time together over the past years-
I hear differing opinions, and I suppose there is no easy answer- But what are people's thoughts/observations/experiences on this issue?
I do not want to spend lots of time hanging around actual active alcoholics, addicts, or even around drinking-focused activities in general- because that would be dangerous and plain not fun- But it seems selfish and heartless to totally cut people out of our lives just because they are able to drink recreationally, and I am not-
Selfish or heartless, I'm going to do what I have to in order to stay sober. And if they're REALLY your friends and they know it's difficult for you, they won't drink around you.
"change your playground and your playmates"
Doll
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* We eventually realize that just as the pains of alcoholism had to come before sobriety, emotional turmoil comes before serenity. *
Everyone has a different opinion, probably, but here is mine.
I had two drinking friends that I met in AA, a long time ago. When I got sober, I continued to see one of those friends, very cautiously, because she got really sick from drinking over the years, and I would stop in to say hello, about once a month, and tell she was welcome to come to a meeting with me anytime, she knew how I felt about my own recovery, it came first, but I just wanted to make that offer on a regular basis, hoping she would maybe come with me,she never did. Had a main artery rupture, they could not operate, because of the condition of her liver, she had gained about 50 lbs, all around the middle of her body, so within 2 days she died.
The other friend was an Real Jack Ass when he drank, so he was GONE.
Today, it does not bother me when I am in social situations, and people are drinking, if there is a lot of drinking, I will leave. But say, at a dinner party where everyone is having a glass of wine like normal people do, it is o.k. with me. i just say no thank you, if offered. and thats that.
I guess I am lucky, alcohol turns me off. When I am shopping and pass a whole bunch of liqour bottles, i see little skull & crossbones on the bottles. (I don't really see them, that stuff is poison to me.)
So this pickle doesn't mind being with a few cucumbers. Doesn't bother me, I know I am different than them, that's all.
Most of my friends are able to drink 'normally'. My real friends know that I am in recovery and they don't drink around me. It sounds like you are talking aabout a friend who drinks normally? A true friendship is very valuable,, and I think if we have to give up true friends... not drinking buddies... that alcohol is still controlling our lives.
If we had a friend who is diabetic, would we put cake in front of them? If we had a friend who is allergic to peanuts, would we give them a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? If we were the diabetic, would we be ashamed to tell our friends? We don't have to go into a long drawn out explanation,, all we have to say is that we can't be around booze. If the person is a true friend s/he will understand and behave accordingly.
oops... I just reread your post,, and you said the friend 'uses' drugs also. There is no such thing as using normally, and so maybe the drinking is not so normal either. In which case, maybe you need to stay at a distance and learn the 12 Step program a bit better first,, till you actually get to the 12th Step. Then you can 12th Step this friend.
love in recovery,
amanda
-- Edited by amanda2u2 at 05:39, 2005-12-27
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
