There is NO such thing as 'controlled drinking' in my book ... I've tried it about a thousand times ... not one time was I ever successful ... working the program took care of all the other stuff too ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Haven't tried it. Having one or two doesn't hold any real appeal for me. What's the point?
Yeah, I'm an alcoholic.
Yep. Even now I still can't understand the concept of 'just a couple'. I never really liked the taste of alcohol so if I'm not going to drink it to get smashed then why would I bother in the first place?
I am going to humble myself just like I did to get over the drinking, to do away with my most recent character defects, pythonpappy. My life still needs some work, im far from perfect, but I have a Higher Power to work with, and my relationship with her is far better than anything else could b.
Improving our 'conscience contact' with our higher power is our best defense against that next drink ... and that is best accomplished through 'fellowship at meetings' and in our own 'private surroundings' through prayer on a daily basis ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I flunked out of controlled drinking. How many times did I have to stick my hand in the fire to prove its hot?
Yes. It's like that example (I think in the Big Book?) of someone who keeps getting injured jaywalking, yet continues to try it. The definition of insanity.
I kept trying the same approach, it brought me in to and out of AA a number of times over a period of years, and my quality of life did not improve even when I did manage to put together some sobriety. Then I tried it again, and something different happened, I believe it was a miracle for me, the direct result of my Higher power's love for me and my fellow man and woman.
Ya know, ... ... ... it only takes one time to go 'splat' on a windshield ... and like a bug, the last thing you see is your 'A**' ... cause that's where your head winds up!!! ... HeeHee ... ... ... and it's bad habits like this that are like 'boomerangs', they always come back to slap you up side the head ...
How did we get on this subject? ... ... ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I like this " controlled drinking" I am in day 6 of the recovery process.
I need to go to the intro page if there is one but this caught my eye.
There were days I had 2 beers with a cigar.
Other days my buddy had a beer and a cigar and me nothing and did not bother me.
But then there were those other days that 3-6 beers led to a bottle of brandy or tequila........I was never able to eliminate that part of the drinking............17 yrs of age til 41.
It took getting arrested for DV last week, she is OK physically, put her in a choke hold after she shoved me out of bed and was pinching me, but her father was a drunk and it pisses her off when I am trashed so I bear a lot of responsibility for what happened....gets better I called the cops on me LOL.....but that is what it took......... my wife and 3 yr old or attempting to be a "controlled drinker"
Its like the lord of the ring and "my precious" the ring sure seems like a good idea but it has a mind of its own and your on the train goin for a ride not knowing where it will take you other than a likely bad outcome.
Will be working on getting enrolled in outpatient tx tomorrow, been working on it since mon but so far I have not found any providers accepting new clients. I am ok now...........its in 4 weeks from now that I will start thinking I can control it and that is when I will be at highest risk for relapse.
Step one. Keep running that one through your head over and over until you are doing it in your sleep, and then do it some more. It's the only step you need to get 100% right.
Frodo is right ... for your own sake and that of your family, at least try to get to an AA meeting today ... several if at all possible ...
Today I go get my anti inflamitory spinal expidural for 2 herniated discs. If I am able after ward then a good idea to go to a meeting. Or I will come here!!!! I now know that me drinking excessivley last thurs was just an excuse to drink. I used the back pain excuse except it was not that bad.......today its bad hence the need for the proceedure that I was finally able to make. Thank you for the positive feedback.
We have found it important to discuss our drinking habits with our doctors ... it can greatly affect the medications they prescribe ... Do you know what I'm sayin'? .... we found 'total honesty' with the docs to help with their knowledge of what our bodies are going through ... it's best they know everything ... (I used to lie about my habits and tell them what I thought they wanted to hear ... found out it only hurt me in the long run ...)
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
We have found it important to discuss our drinking habits with our doctors ... it can greatly affect the medications they prescribe ... Do you know what I'm sayin'? .... we found 'total honesty' with the docs to help with their knowledge of what our bodies are going through ... it's best they know everything ... (I used to lie about my habits and tell them what I thought they wanted to hear ... found out it only hurt me in the long run ...)
Yes as in taking zoloft and drinking sorta counteracts the effects of the zoloft.
Hello - rx2man. I deal with pain every day. I drank many days to just have a bit of relief. Constant pain is one thing that brings me to my knee's, and I must admit, it seemed it would be so much easier to just take some pain killers or drink, but I do not allow myself to do that anymore because I enjoy seeing the sunrise - I like thinking clearly these days. I love the connection I have to life, my 3 yr old, and even if it hurts so badly to get on the floor and play with her, I just let the tears come if they need to. It's better to be here with her in pain, than not at all... and that's where the drink takes me.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Hey Tasha, ... I loved your post right here ... I think you just 'made my day' ... and for that, I am grateful ... (you brought me back down to earth for a moment ... thanks ...)(I've gotta remind myself to come back tonight and read this again ...)
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Hello - rx2man. I deal with pain every day. I drank many days to just have a bit of relief. Constant pain is one thing that brings me to my knee's, and I must admit, it seemed it would be so much easier to just take some pain killers or drink, but I do not allow myself to do that anymore because I enjoy seeing the sunrise - I like thinking clearly these days. I love the connection I have to life, my 3 yr old, and even if it hurts so badly to get on the floor and play with her, I just let the tears come if they need to. It's better to be here with her in pain, than not at all... and that's where the drink takes me.
Oh yeh pain is the good excuse to relapse......alcohol does work in that regard unfortunatly I would be lying if I said I was in enough pain to drink that much.......the excuse was still good though.....I just was not really hurting that bad........hmmmmm maybe someone has an alcohol problem and still has'nt figured out the whole controlled part. Been strugling with that part for 24 yrs. I am throwing in the towel. I give up trying to control it.
Got my epidural today. Got my 1st alcohol tx appt with a counselor tomorrow, AA at 530, No contact order was dropped with no opposition of the prosecutor. Wife will goto AA she could drink or not never had a problem with it so she will go in there as support and has also pledged to help me with sobriety by not drinking even though I did not ask her too. I was going to goto the nooner by myself at 1230 but my alcohol tx appt is at 1pm so I think the 2 together make a good step in the right direction. All alcohol is removed from the house except for a bottle of Marsala wine used for cooking.........its safe. LOL......the cooking beer would be in danger so its gone lol.
I am 41 and have one child with my wife our 3 yr old and she is more important than alcohol. Its time to grow up and be a real father and parent. I have to do the best I can to give her a good chance to make it in the world.
thanks again for the positive feedback and non judgement..........sorry if I am hi jacking a thread I did not notice any "controlled drinking is covered in the FAQ" and assumed it was safe to jump in and that the questions was more rhetorical than a actual question.
1 week tomorrow sober.............1 week ago today at about this time I was starting my bender.
Great share rx2man - why dont you copy and paste it to a new thread? Or start a fresh one with some more thoughts - how did your meeting go?
Will do on the copy and paste. Tomorrow is the meeting, none today this late in my area and was relaxing from the epidural. Buddy came over to meet up so I could give him nearly 40 bottles of booze that was taken a few days ago to the neighbors. Nearly full bottles of Duncan Taylor 46 year and Balvenie 18 Scotch.......nearly full bottle of Gentleman Jack, a half bottle of Absinthe Montmarte I had flown in from Germany before it was legal to purchase in the US. 10 bottles of Reposado and Anejo Tequilas and more I am forgetting. Thats not what bothered me though. Seeing "my precious"......bottles of Fullers ESB and London Pride, all my Christmas beers and Oktoberfest beers sitting on the garage floor while all the "Animal Beer" was in the garage fridge. I was thinking to myself you got the wrong stuff in the fridge. Went home and told my wife and I felt better as her father is coming from Eastern Europe tomorrow and I forgot I converted him from "Animal Beer" and she said he will drink that all up. So its OK now.
There are Monastic breweries all over Belgium and Germany......almost every little German town has a Monastic Brewery how can something brewed by monks cause us so many problems.
I still have to get my 8 foot bar and back piece that I built out of here.......double tap, 2 CO2 tanks, couplers for micros and German Imports......still got to get it out.....reality is a bitch.......
I too had to empty the house rx. There is absolutly no way I could have liquor here at this point. It was hard to see it go at the time. Good plan! keep it up!
I finally got a house with a wet bar too ... I thought life is now complete ... well, you know how that worked out I'm sure ... so now??? ... I converted it to a coffee/soda bar ... it's where the wife and I make 'popcorn' and cook those little pizza thingies ... the bar fridge is stocked with cheeses, pudding cups, water, and some small sausage meats ... it's also complete with nuts, granola bars, crackers, and candy bars ... everything we need for watching her mushy movies OR my sports on the TV ...
It crushed me to get rid of my booze ... but now I don't even miss it even a little bit ... this is a much better way to live, trust me ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I finally got a house with a wet bar too ... I thought life is now complete ... well, you know how that worked out I'm sure ... so now??? ... I converted it to a coffee/soda bar ... it's where the wife and I make 'popcorn' and cook those little pizza thingies ... the bar fridge is stocked with cheeses, pudding cups, water, and some small sausage meats ... it's also complete with nuts, granola bars, crackers, and candy bars ... everything we need for watching her mushy movies OR my sports on the TV ...
It crushed me to get rid of my booze ... but now I don't even miss it even a little bit ... this is a much better way to live, trust me ...
My wife is pretty funny as she was talking about what we were going to do with the bar. How it will be used.......its got a brass double tap tower on it....REALLY c'mon......f'er is gone. Its going to a buddies garage til I am comfortable with it gone for good. But out of sight out of mind. I want to give it to someone rather than unload it for peanuts on Craigslist. Hopefully someone that CAN handle their alcohol.
I am sure alcohol free for me will be the way to go its just going to take a minute. I have never been physically addicted to alcohol......but psycologically for sure, its been part of my life for 24 yrs. Baby steps......Tx counselor in 30 min and AA with wifey tonight at 530!!!!! Again thanks to all for the understanding and support. Glad I dropped in to these forums.....good bunch of people on here. None of us are perfect, recognizing that is a start and working on it separates us from the people still to come. The true F ups in life are the ones that never can own up to their problems and they end up in jail and prison til they die........not the path for me. I am in the place for 8 hours a day as it is and dont really like the overtime lol.
I have never been physically addicted to alcohol......but psycologically for sure, its been part of my life for 24 yrs.
You may not have gotten to the point of 'physical' addiction, but I did ... the addiction is both physical and mental, or should I say that if you were to drink long enough and then quit, then what we call the D.T.s occur during withdrawal ... this is the physical part of recovery that's so hard, and dangerous, to go through ... and it's why we highly recommend to anyone going through withdrawal, or getting ready to, seek medical attention ... We've lost a lot of people over time that 'stroke out' or have 'seizures' due to excessively high blood pressure when they stopped drinking ... Vitamin B 12 for instance is needed in large doses, injected for best results ...
Talk about the physical addiction part, I could not hold a cup of liquid steady enough to drink from a cup, I had to use a straw ... feeding myself for the 1st few days was damn near impossible ... I had to get my mouth over the plate and down low to try and 'shovel' bits of food in ... seriously, it look like i was trying to start a food fight with the way my arms trembled and swung wildly out of control ...
Don't know about you, but occasionally, I'd try to 'detox' myself at home ... you ever get up in the morning, have a cup of coffee, then try to brush your teeth? ... I would start shaking a little ... I'd go get a beer, drink it and immediately settle my shaking down ... then usually I threw-up, and forced another beer down before leaving for work ... you see?, the shakes in the morning was just the start of the 'detox' process ... and unless I could get some more alcohol in my system quick, it would only get worse ... I could not do my job sober any more ... I had to have my drink ... and as you might guess, it progressed to drinking while at work ... I worked as Maintenance Manager at medium/large hotel ... cut the end of my finger off once ... I've got lots of war stories ... you and i don't have the time right now ... LOL
My point is ... alcohol was just as much a physical addiction for me as the psycological part was ... 'spiritual fitness' heals both ... and I best learned that through the program of AA and the 12 steps ...
Love ya man and God Bless,
Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
welcome, share like your life depends on it. I removed myself from the temptation by living in a sober environment. not the first time i did that, and unfortunately it isnt fullproof. I proved that. now i have over two years and my life is grand thanks to god finding favor in my because i got sober and got involved with aa. today i can go anyplace so long as im standing on solid ground and my motives are right.
Pappy, off to my 1st AA meeting. No detox issues, NEVER. Makes it even harder to realise you have a problem. Are there times I REALLY wanted a drink, yes. Would I get physically ill if I did not get it, no. But I knew I would feel better mentally. Relax, unwind, ahhhh my friend in times of need......no more problems.....got my drink. Now it has caused more problems then it relieved and its time to grow up and be a real parent.
You have a great respect toward alcoholism ... I pray you be blessed with the desire and strength to work the program ...
When you read the AA Big Book, you'll come to realize that alcohol is very much an addiction and is a 'fatal progression' ... we may be able to stop for a while, but if we ever pick up again, then we pick up where we left off and continue to become more subdued to alcohol's grip ... never forget, it is fatal ... 100% of the time ... and it can never be controlled by the individual, we must work together and share a 'spiritual bond' that most people never get to experience ... it's a great journey, welcome along for the ride ...
Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
going back to the jaywalking parable, I just ran out in front of moving traffic just to cross the road. i thought it was clear but apparently i misjudged the situation. i wont ever cross at that intersection again when its busy, i can walk to the corner and cross at the light. less convenient but safe.
Went to http://www.eskimo.com/~burked/history/tablemat.html I am a winner I got like 38 out of 45 right. I am not number one, but pretty dang close so not too bad......no one voted for my mug shot either last week, would nice to have been a winner at least once. :( LOL
The survey is from John Hopkins.......definatly an addict. Went to AA tonight got the big book and a sponsor who was new to the area and his 1st meet here (25 yrs in recovery)......whats the chances of that (dont have much faith in religion but really odd we would show up the same meet both new). We meet at 730 for coffee and to go over the 1st 4 chapters I will start reading in a few and then to a 930 meeting.
Good night everyone and you all deserve kudos for sticking with it. Anyone that can beat an addiction and disease deserves a little credit.
Good night everyone and you all deserve kudos for sticking with it. Anyone that can beat an addiction and disease deserves a little credit.
That's the point here Rx ... We or at least I don't deserve any 'credit' ... that belongs to the group and our higher power ... they are responsible for my sobriety at least ... Because of the group (fellowship of AA), I now recognize God and believe that through Him/Her, all things are possible ... I've witnessed it ...
So ... it's like a 'team' effort ... no one person can make the journey alone ... well, and at least be happy anyway ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Good job rx2! Little spiritual things like this will likely keep happening to u so be on the look out for them as seeing signs from that higher power you may not even understand... but is there and believes in you.
My brother works with john hopkins and they are always in need of help with people to answer their surveys so thank you on behalf of him.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
