I can't tell you how much time I've spent trying to figure out who or what God is. I've spent years trying to understand the Catholic God I was raised with, and more years trying to define God from a philosophical perspective, then years denying the whole idea of God by becoming an agnostic and even a part time atheist. It seemed the more I tried to understand God, the further away from Him I got.
Even in early recovery I tried to figure God out - this time through the 'open assignment' of defining a God of my own understanding. You can imagine how that went. I thought about, analyzed and tried once again to understand who or what God was. After a while I grew just as despondent and felt just as far away as before. And that's when I finally surrendered.
Once I gave up trying to understand God and instead looked at the evidence of God's presence in my life, I began to develop a knowing that went beyond understanding. Suddenly I just knew that a force was working miracles in my life, that it was always available to me, and that it would never let me down.
This knowing is what I now call faith, and now I understand why trying to figure God out just makes His job harder...
Thanks for the post Pappy! I can totally relate. I spent an enormous amount of mental energy trying to figure out who or what God is. It definately pushed me further away from conscious contact with him. I too, had to surrender to the fact I will never know or figure it out. It's not for me to know. It's difficult to put your finger on an infinite power. It's sorta like, I don't try to figure out electricity when I turn it on or how I can talk into a cell phone with nothing hanging from it or attached to it and have a conversation with someone miles away. Then why do I need to figure this out? Because I'm a frighten self centered Alcoholic and I need to know- right? As soon I stopped trying to figure the God thing out and did what I was told things started happening in my life I couldn't explain. I saw it working for others. So I came to believe. It's working so don't try to fix it.
You're right Mike, ... and for me? ... I was loaned a book in rehab by a counselor called 'The Shack' ... that book gave me the 'concept' of God that I needed ... after reading that book, I found all the AA literature easy to swallow ... it all came together and now I have several years sobriety to show for it ... (by the way ... that counselor retired and is now my sponsor ...)
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'