I saw my wifes profile on that dating site again and lost it. I went out and bought a bottle of vodka and went at it. I wish someone would tell her that her having that profile up there is wrong as she is married and its killing me.
I had a similar experience. My sponsor said it would help if I started referring to her as my "X-wife", as we were separated and likely for the last time. It helped me to move on. That was 23 years ago, I got sober, stayed single for about 4 years, had the time of my life dating sober. Met wife #2 (who is awesome) shortly there after, 19.5 years of happiness. My X-wife married a biker and her life remained a living hell, then he died.
yeah that would have been extremely upsetting , I can feel the pain.. just remember sorrows now how to swim and the vodka didn't take down your wifes profile, just gave you temp relief . Don't feel bad I slipped yesterday too, We need to learn how to handle situations without alcohol.
You guys need to realize that our disease can always find some reason for us to feel sorry for ourselves, so that we will drink. Once we decide that we will not drink, no matter what, these things don't seem to be that big a deal. Look at the big picture, lot's of fish in the sea, once we're sober and healthy enough to be in a relationship. Apologies for being blunt.
To be even more blunt... What happened to Jack? Oh his went through a divorce and got drunk.... No, that's not what happened to Jack. He failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through self sacrifice and service to others, and when the bad thing happened, the obsession returned and he did what all alcoholics do. If he had continued to live the steps and keep his spiriutal experience current.. what does the book tell us?
" And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone - even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality - safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition.
It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all of our activities. "How can I best serve Thee - Thy will (not mine) be done." These are thoughts which must go with us constantly. We can exercise our will power along this line all we wish. It is the proper use of the will."
So if Jack was "safe and protected" he could have got through this. It would have hurt like hell, but he could get through without drinking. Many of us have been through similar situations and found this to be true. Earlier in the book we are given a blunt warning...
"Particularly was it imperative to work with others as he had worked with me. Faith without works was dead, he said. And how appallingly true for the alcoholic! For if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, he could not survive the certain trials and low spots ahead. If he did not work, he would surely drink again, and if he drank, he would surely die. Then faith would be dead indeed. With us it is just like that."
"He clamors for this or that, claiming he cannot master alcohol until his material needs are cared for. Nonsense. Some of us have taken very hard knocks to learn this truth: Job or no job - wife or no wife - we simply do not stop drinking so long as we place dependence upon other people ahead of dependence on God.
Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house. "
Dean (and others) say that making a gratitude list helps. I'm going to do it, and I've done it before - so I know it works. Give it a try. I usually start with:
1. I'm alive 2. I'm not in prison where I belong because of so many bad things and times driving drunk. 3. I have all my appendages. 4. I can see, smell, taste, touch, listen
5. I did not have to drink today
6. I have a roof over my head and food to eat and clothing to wear
7. The can imagine
8. My children are healthy
**** the list gets more detailed from there - but those are the biggies
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
The gratitude list is a great idea that was also suggested to me by several people. At that time, I was very new to sobriety and thought I had very little to be grateful for. Ive done it every day since, either actually written out, or during my morning prayer/meditation. It truly helps to put the focus for the day on the positive. As Tasha just outlined- start with the basics. Its a great tool.
